Let's fill in a Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet.
Statement number one:
In this situation, time, and location
who angers, confuses, or disappoints you, and why?
Okay, what situation?
I invite you to close your eyes and contemplate a situation
where you were very angry or hurt or even slightly angry and hurt.
So, identify that situation now
and notice who you were angry with.
Who was making you so angry or hurt you?
And now locate, identify why...
Why were you angry with that person?
For example, 36 years ago comes to my mind.
I'm standing in the kitchen with Paul.
I'm so angry. I'm so hurt.
He's not listening to me.
He had four massive heart attacks.
I'm trying to save his life.
I caught him smoking and he's lying to me.
I can see it so clearly.
So, what was I thinking and believing at the time?
Okay. I'm angry with Paul. Why was I angry?
Ah... he lied to me.
It just made me furious as I consider it now.
I'm angry with Paul because he lied to me.
So, identify yours and fill in statement number one on the Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet.
So, statement number two on the Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet:
In this situation... your situation at that time, place, and location
how did you want that person to change?
What do you want them to do?
What did I want from Paul?
We're standing in the kitchen. Let's see... what did I want from him?
I wanted him to hear me.
36 years ago
how did I want Paul to change in THAT moment?
What did I want him to say or do or be?
I want Paul to get honest.
I want him to apologize to me.
I want him to admit that he lied to me.
So, fill in statement number two.
What were you thinking and believing
in that situation, time, and location?
When you've completed statement number two,
move to statement number three on the Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet.
And in that same situation, what advice would you offer that person?
So with your eyes closed... really, really get still.
Notice.
Look at that person at that time and what advice would you offer them?
For example: I see Paul so clearly,
That image of him.
36 years ago as we're standing in the kitchen
and he's not listening to me.
Paul should hear me.
He should thank me for trying to help him.
Paul should apologize to me.
So, fill in that statement with your advice to that person.
So the next question on the Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet. Statement number four:
In order for you to be happy in that situation...
--and notice, in order for YOU to be happy in that situation--
what did you need that person to say, feel, do?
And then fill in statement number four.
Statement number five:
What do you think of that person in this situation?
Notice your thoughts,
the thoughts that you were thinking about that person at that time,
in that moment, in that place,
and write them down in statement number five.
Paul is arrogant.
Paul is cold. He's uncaring.
What were your thoughts?
The thoughts you were thinking in your situation?
Notice... and put them on paper.
Statement number six.
What is it in or about your situation at that time and that place
that you don't ever want to experience again?
So fill in statement number six on your Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet.
So, that's how to fill in a Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet.
Filling in a Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet,
it takes stillness... it takes quiet... it takes introspection.
This work is meditation.
So, welcome to the Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet.