The most popular question I get is, “What's the best dating site or dating app?”
Tinder, Bumble Hinge, Match, OK Cupid. “Where can I go to meet quality men?” I'm going to
answer that in a moment definitively. But first, I'm going to explain that which site
you're on doesn't matter nearly as much as what you do when you get to that site. Stick around.
I'm Evan Marc Katz, dating coach for smart, strong, successful women in your personal
trainer for love. Welcome to the Love U podcast. Keep listening to discover the number one dating
site or app that's going to help you meet a smart, strong, successful man. When we're done,
I'll let you know how you could apply to Love U to create a passionate relationship that
makes you feel safe, heard and understood. So I've been doing this online dating thing
forever. I wrote a book about online dating in 2003 called “I Can't Believe I'm Buying This Book:
A Common Sense Guide to Successful Internet Dating.” I created a program in 2008 called
“Finding the One Online.” I gave a TED talk, which I linked to in the notes below, called “No More
Bad Dates.” That speaks very specifically about a methodology for dating online. So believe me,
if anybody has his finger on the pulse of this, it would be me as much as a man who's
been married for 12 years can have his finger on the pulse of dating apps. So the biggest thing I
want you to take away from without having to go in research all those things is that in the TED talk,
I use a metaphor and I've used it here before, that dating sites are just like gyms. And it
doesn't matter whether you go to L.A. Fitness or 24 Hour fitness or Crunch or Equinox. I don't even
know if Crunch is even around. But really, some gyms might have a juice bar and towel service,
but all of them have the necessary equipment for you to work hard and burn calories. So instead
of obsessing about which gym you're going to lose the most weight at, how about figuring out
how to get the most out of your time at the gym? In other words, dating sites and apps,
they're just boxes filled with people. And if you're a smart, strong, successful woman,
90% of those people, no matter which site you're on, are definitely not going to be your husband.
So given that, the trick is in figuring out how to connect with the top 10% of men on any
site. No matter which site you go to, since you're coming here looking for advice about where to go,
volume is everything. Not for volume sake. Just you need a deeper pool of men. You don't want
to use up a site in a month. So it may sound great to be on some niche site for vegans or
long distance runners, but the truth is there usually aren't enough people
in your area to justify an active membership. You're just going to use up the site too fast.
But if you're in this for the long haul, not that you want to date online forever, but if you're
committed to finding love and you’re dating with the intention of having a relationship,
let me run down your top options. And I took the time, I never really did research, I speak from
largely the cuff, I actually went to my love group and I asked the women who are in my cohort,
these are smart, strong, successful women, 30 to 60 generally for their opinions. And here's what
they had to share with me as well. So let's start with Tinder.
Tinder's like the OG swiping site, short profiles, no detail. It's kind of like a slot machine
which has its merits. If you like dopamine spikes and always feel like you're kind of dating but not
really thinking about it. And so it spits out a lot of hot guys. And the result is that you always
feel like something is going on because there's no shortage of men that you're matching with.
But the downside is that you don't really know anything about anyone which makes having a good
conversation on Tinder somewhat challenging. And it also opens up the world to having a lot of
things that don't pan out a lot of flaky guys who might have swiped right,
but don't follow through with a text. And so this is just a pure volume approach. If
eHarmony is filling out a four hundred thirty six question personality test to get matches,
Tinder is the complete opposite of that. And I think that's really male friendly. But it's
not as good for women unless you think that choosing men based on looks alone
is a good formula for marriage. So chances are you end up swiping on only the most obvious choices,
the ones that everybody on the entire site also sees. And you probably end up passing up some
decent guys who aren't as impressive upfront. As if you actually took the opportunity to
meet them in person. Tinder is great for volume, but not much else in my opinion.
Bumble is a free dating app that functions like Tinder, but women have to initiate contact.
So that is a good idea in that it weeds the riff raff out. You're not going to get hundreds of
things from guys you don't want. You're only initiating contact with guys that you're
theoretically open to talking to. If the guy hasn’t messaged back within twenty four hours, he
loses the potential date. And if you don't want to read profiles like you like the Tinder approach,
but Tinder could be kind of icky and overwhelming. You want to have a little more control. You go on
Bumble. But Bumble still doesn't really give you much depth. If you don't want to read a profile,
if you don't want to write an email, Bumble is perfect for you. But the problem is, and I hate to
talk shit about dating apps, any medium that gives you less information about a potential partner is
going to be inferior to a medium that gives you more information about a partner. Yet some of the
women in Love U really like Bumble. And here's what they have to say. Sarah, a Love U member,
says “I like Bumble. I felt like I was more in control of who was contacting me.” Penny says,
“the woman-approaching-men dynamic seems to result in a self-selecting group of more desirable men.”
So if we're going down the list, put Bumble above Tinder for our purposes.
Next is Match. Now, I put all my clients on Match because I'm not a dating app guy. Even though
very reasonable people are going to disagree with me on this one and choose to use dating apps. So
if you have to use a dating app, we'll talk about the one that you should use in just a second.
But I don't put people on Match because it's the youngest or the coolest or the
best user interface. It's a big brand name. It's like a mall. It has everything. They own
Tinder. They own OKCupid. They own Plenty Of Fish. But they cater to singles who are looking for love
and they cost money. And that's a barrier to entry for people who are more serious than people who
are not more serious. Says Love U graduate Cici, “Match seems to have a wide range of
mature profiles. More information and pictures available paid for accountability makes me feel
safer to know that Match’s match algorithms seem to be pretty close in matching personality and
interests. They have a reverse match feature which shows you which people are interested in you.
So you're not going to be looking at men who are not open to women your age, for example.” It's a
feature I make all my clients use. It seems easier to identify scammers and fake accounts on them.”
Love U graduate Mel says, “There's more people. There's more thorough profile write ups and
guys seem to be more invested in serious about relationships.” So I understand if you've been
burned down on Match. I’m not pushing really hard. I put all my clients there as a place to start.
Next in that category of conventional online dating sites, there's OKCupid.
OKCupid is also owned by Match. They bought them X number of years back. And the profiles
are also more in-depth than a conventional swipe app because it has a series of long personality
quiz type questions. And recently, OKCupid reshaped itself to be more app-like because
it's essentially competing against itself and its focus more on swiping and eliminating the
ability to message a user without matching someone first. So you can still send a message on OKCupid,
but it won't show up in their inbox unless you match with that person,
which may not be ideal for you. So the idea was to do what Bumble does and lower the number of
offensive messages you get right by saying, Hey, that message is only going to get to
the inbox if you match. but then you're going to spend some time writing emails to people
who never even see your messages. So Love U member Barbara likes OKCupid. She says, “It's where I met
my current boyfriend. I also have several friends in long-term relationships from there. It was the
most fun for me in terms of all the questions and flexibility to build the profile.” Finally,
again, I know I'm going really fast, but I want to make you watch a monster video here.
Hinge. Hinge designed the app, and it is more of a conventional app as opposed to a dating site. But
it designed the app to make user profiles more engaging than sites like Tinder. You have the
option of displaying more useful information that could be deal breakers, political leanings,
religion, alcohol consumption, interest in having children. Right. Hinge’s slogan is
that it's designed to be deleted. So they purport to be an app that cares about you
having a relationship. And this is probably the one that the most Love U members recommended as
a means of supplementing the conventional Match profile. Love U member Charlene says,
“Lots of guys around my age, college educated, could write in full sentences and generally more
relationship oriented.“ Love U member Jesse agrees that she found a greater selection of men her age,
as well as men who are more intelligent, confident and communicative, but also adds that she would
like forty eight hours instead of twenty four hours to respond to messages. There's also not
enough room in text boxes. And so, if you want to write something a little more substantive,
it's not ideal. Love U member Sam says, “To even have a profile on there, you have to pick
from the already existing cool, fun, interesting templates that are incorporated within the app.
And they have great conversation openers that even boring people can find something to say.”
Love U member Kat says, “Hinge is the only app I actually enjoy using and have had the most success
with.” Meaning, matches that turned into dates. She pays for premium so she could see everyone
who's already liked her and she takes her time picking who she wants to match with. She hates
swiping and having to make quick decisions so guys can send one message with their like,
but they can't chat further until we both match. I feel like the quality of men is higher.
They're mostly relationship oriented and they put greater effort into their profile.
So to you, according to my clients, smart, strong, successful women between the ages of 30 and 60,
Hinge is the best dating app because it provides the most information and is most like a
conventional online dating site. I still recommend Match and OKCupid because they are conventional
dating sites with profiles and the ability to write emails instead of going right to texting.
And that creates a better conversation and connection prior to meeting someone in person.
And I'm also well aware that there's plenty of decent people on Bumble and Tinder. I personally
don't like the swipe text, instant gratification nature of the medium. If you think that men are
shallow and don't put in much effort in falling in love, then why spend all your time in a site
that's built for people's most shallow impulses that are based on looks as opposed to depth?
Ultimately, this is up to you. But as I said before, the most important thing
is not which site you're on. There's people everywhere. There's good people everywhere.
It's what you do when you're there. It's how you market yourself. It's how you make a connection.
It's how you flirt. It's how you screen men prior to going on a first date. That's
what I teach in month two of Love U. I look forward to talking to you and seeing you there.
I'm Evan Marc Katz. Thank you for tuning into the Love U podcast. For more episodes like this on
YouTube, click the subscribe button, ring the bell and choose all to ensure you get notified whenever
new content comes out. If you're listening to the audio podcast, please share an honest review on
Apple. More reviews equals more awareness of the Love U podcast and more love in the world. And
if you want to find love right now and you're committed to making healthier choices with men,
look for the link below and apply for coaching in Love U. I'll talk to you soon.