Are you dealing with a narcissist and feel like they are just sucking the blood out
of you like a vampire sucks blood? Then, you are probably dealing with an energy vampire,
which is really what all narcissists are. And by the end of this video, you're going to know
what an energy vampire is and what the signs are that you are dealing with one.
Hi, I'm Rebecca Zung, Top 1% attorney and the best-selling author of the books, Negotiate Like
YOU M.A.T.T.E.R and Breaking Free: A Step-By-Step Divorce Guide, and I've helped thousands of people
go from lives of drama, trauma, and chaos to step into lives of freedom, possibility,
and purpose. And I do the same thing for you right here on this channel and in these videos. So,
make sure you subscribe and hit that notification bell, so that you'll get notified when I upload
new videos, new content and when I go live. So, now let's talk about those energy vampires.
So narcissists need an endless amount of what we call narcissistic supply, and supply is anything
that feeds a narcissist ego, which I've liken it to a tip of the iceberg thing. The tip of
the iceberg that you see is the thing that feeds anybody's ego, which is the, showing them respect,
having lots of money, being recognized for things. We all want to feel seen and heard
and know that we matter. And so, that's the thing that is good for everybody, who doesn't feel good
when somebody is complimenting them, right? It's the other side of narcissism,
that other side of narcissistic supply that to me is the hidden side, the side that they don't show
as many people. I think of it as like when you pick up a rock and there's bugs underneath it,
it's the dark underbelly that they don't really show people except for their targets most of the
time. And that's the form of narcissistic supply that comes in devaluing and making you feel bad
and gaslighting and lying to you and manipulating you and lining up flying monkeys, triangulation,
all of those kinds of things. When you're dealing with a narcissist,
you're dealing with somebody who's constantly needing an endless amount of supply. It's their
lifeblood, it's their food, it's their oxygen. So, they literally attach themselves to people
so that they can drain as much life out of you as they possibly can. One of the things that I found
so interesting when I first started learning about narcissism is that they don't attach themselves to
you because you're so worthless, because then you wouldn't be a good source of supply. They attach
themselves to you because you have so much worth. And the not so secret secret is that you are the
stronger one. You're the more powerful one, and so they want to attach themselves to you because they
actually want to have what you have. When I was dealing with a couple of narcissists in my own
life, I found them, especially because the couple of narcissists I was dealing with were covert,
passive aggressive narcissist. And if you want to know more about covert, passive aggressive
narcissist, definitely check out my video on covert, passive, aggressive narcissist. But I
found them to be almost wanting to become me. And I didn't have the vocabulary
to say, oh, this person is a narcissist, that's why this is happening. But I knew how I felt.
And I knew that these people were draining the life out of me, where I just felt something was
seriously wrong. When you're dealing with a narcissist, you feel drained physically,
emotionally, spiritually, physically, and every possible way, you feel drained.
And you know from the beginning that something doesn't feel right, that it doesn't seem right,
but it's really, really confusing because they start off with that whole love bombing stage. And
so you feel like, oh, they're saying all the right things, they seem to be perfect in so many ways.
And so, you end up drawn into this situation because most people don't understand narcissism.
They haven't had to deal with narcissists. And so, I know I didn't, and people
think ... So often, just yesterday, in fact, I was talking to a coaching client who was saying that
she is a strong person, and I've had guys say that to me too. I mean, I'm a strong person.
I'm a really good business person, I've been very successful. It has nothing to do with that
because these are people who are highly, highly skilled at being manipulative, highly, highly ...
I don't even know if it's so much of an intelligence issue as it is
a skill issue. They're really, really skilled at getting people where they want them to be.
And so, I almost look at them as these black widows or something
who get you into their web, so they can suck the blood out of you and literally
drain the life out of you. And if you think that you have been a victim of an energy vampire,
give me the word blood suckers in the comments. Okay, so the first sign that you were dealing
with an energy vampire is the fact that they're always involved in some drama,
or maybe they're the victim of something. There's always something going on with them.
There's always some reason why the energy and the focus needs to remain on them. They're sick,
they have bad things happen to them. They've been fired, they have to move, it's just always
something going on. So, the focus has to always remain on them. So, that's one of the signs.
Another sign is they diminish your problems and emphasize their own. Oh yeah, well, you think
that's bad, well, wait till you hear what happened to me. Oh, I know that that's seems terrible, but
you ought to try my life. They're always one up in you. It's always so terrible.
And a lot of times what I've noticed especially with these covert narcissist is they contrive it.
I've even known covert narcissists, who they've been willing to give up a relationship with their
own children because it serves the narrative, that way everybody feels sorry for them. That
way they get to be the victim. And, oh, isn't that awful that your children aren't speaking to you,
that's terrible, where they actually sabotaged the relationship themselves. So, they'll go to almost
any lengths to have the attention remain on them. Number three is similar to what I was talking
about before, but it goes even another step further, which is that they're a
martyr. Oh, I always have to be the one to take care of everything and everyone,
poor me, woe is me. All the bad stuff happens to me. Life isn't fair. I'm always the sick one,
I can never catch a break, and you definitely especially see this from covert narcissists.
The next thing that you see is they take advantage of your loving and caring nature.
I was actually just talking to somebody this morning, who is just saying how upset she was
that her husband wouldn't do anything around the house, nothing, not even take out the trash,
not help with the animals, nothing. And what made her the most mad, even more mad when she found out
that her husband was cheating with somebody half his age, more mad than anything was the fact that
she found out that he was doing stuff around her house that he was actually taking out the
trash and all these things like here she is over there doing everything, he wasn't even working.
And yet, here she is being taken advantage of. I know that that was my experience too. A lot of
times when you're in these relationships, you're the one who ends up working so hard, doing 95%
of the contributions to the relationship. And it's still not enough, they're still entitled. You're
supposed to be doing that for them. Yeah, well, what have you done for me lately, kind of a thing?
And you're just busting, busting, busting your butt to try to keep up with everything and
hoping that they're going to see that, they're going to appreciate that,
but they never really do it. It's just like you're constantly putting in deposits, but you're never
taking out any withdrawals in that situation. It's a black hole that you're constantly feeding.
And the next thing is that they guilt trip you and manipulate you and try to make you feel bad. So,
this is part of the manipulation factor, they're constantly making you feel like you're not doing
enough, you're not giving enough. Oh, how could you be so mean to somebody who's sick?
Why would you bring that up? I can't believe you're bringing up something so small. You're
really blowing this out of proportion. It's not that bad or. And so, you're constantly feeling
guilty and manipulated in the relationship. The next one is that you're always
feeling traumatized. You're just always like, what are they doing next? What are they doing to me
next? What's happening next? I know that's how it was with me. And I've dealt with narcissist a lot
in my law practice, but it wasn't until I actually had to experience this, not as a husband, but as
people who were close enough to me to do damage. And, I was always feeling like, what's the next
shoe was going to drop, what's around the corner? What are they going to do to me next?
Constantly trying to figure out where can I put up boundaries? Where can I protect myself? How can I
anticipate what they're going to do next and protect myself and put up boundaries?
And just, it's exhausting, so you feel tired all the time and feel traumatized all the time.
So, that's another way that you might know that you're dealing with an energy vampire.
The last way is that you feel like they're constantly watching you, almost trying to
become you. And you should definitely check out my video on, They Are Always Watching You or Why
Narcissists Are Always Watching You, because it's really a creepy thing that they're studying you
to almost figure it out what it is that you have and become you. And somehow they think if they
suck all of that energy out of you and suck all of your traits from you, that they can have them.
It's the most crazy piece of narcissism. It's one of the creepiest pieces that I
found about narcissist, but you definitely want to understand that that's what you're dealing with
when you're going to negotiate with them, because you're going to feel tired. You're going to feel
traumatized, and you're going to be wondering why, and it's understanding this and feeling
and starting to feel more powerful that will allow you to start taking those steps
toward getting out of the relationship. So, if you're getting ready to negotiate
with a narcissist, make sure to grab my free Crush My Negotiation Prep Worksheet, it's at
winmynegotiation.com. It's basically an eBook and it's helped thousands and thousands of people at
this point, so just grab it, winmynegotiation.com. If you liked this video, give it a like,
give it a share, drop me a comment. Let me know that you were here and make sure you do share it
because others can benefit from this information. I'm so glad that you stopped by my channel.
If you want more support, come on over and join me in my free private Facebook group,
it's called Narcissist Negotiators with Rebecca Zung, and I'll make sure that links are dropped
below for all of these different things. Thanks so much for stopping by. Remember,
today is a great day to start negotiating your best life, and I'll see you in the next video.