We gathered your celebrity friends because I know,
to you, that's more important than the un-famous people.
Oh, sure, yes, yes.
[LAUGHTER]
Well, we got them to read some of your mean tweets.
Some people that have tweeted mean things about Jimmy.
- Oh. - We've got a bunch of--
People tweeted mean things about me?
Yes.
[LAUGHTER]
This is a double-whammy.
It's a rough time.
It's a rough time out there.
All right, so we're going to take you
down a notch in a very special edition of Mean
Tweets, Jimmy Kimmel edition. - Oh, boy.
[CHEERING]
[MUSIC PLAYING]
Jimmy Kimmel needs a kick to his [BLEEP] hole.
Happy birthday.
I thought I saw Jimmy Kimmel at Home Depot.
Turns out it was just a sloppy dude with big dimples.
@JimmyKimmel, you are a jackass [BLEEP] sucker.
Keep your mouth shut and do your little TV show.
Or get the [BLEEP] out of our country.
@JimmyKimmel, you represent everything I hate about myself,
you bloated douche bag.
I don't know how I got roped into this bit.
But here we go.
Here you go for your birthday, Jimmy.
Some [BLEEP] named, @euphoric_mania writes,
is Jimmy Kimmel cross-eyed or just ridiculously ugly?
Aw.
That's stupid as stupid, just stupid.
Jimmy Kimmel, go suck a gorilla [BLEEP],,
you dumb fatass.
[LAUGHTER]
You got some haters.
Jimmy Kimmel is a comedy god.
Like a deformed, lame, hideous god, such as ancient
Greece's Hep--
Hepa-- Hepha--
Hepatitis?
The god of hepatitis?
That sounds hideous.
Hephaestus.
But that ugly bozo is still a god.
Jimmy, you don't have hepatitis.
[LAUGHTER]
I would know.
@JimmyKimmel, are you kidding me with that flabby body?
What the [BLEEP]?
Get to the gym, man.
Do you really shave your pits?
Scary!
Jimmy Kimmel is that same fat kid from "Win Ben Stein's
Money" who grew up to become that fat kid
from "Win Ben Stein's Money."
That's-- I don't--
I don't care for this spelling, who wrote this.
Hey, Jimmy Kimmel, if you replace
his nose with a [BLEEP],, you have a dead ringer for Dumbo.
You's a crazy, sick, [BLEEP].
Jimmy Kimmel, you still look like a potato.
Now, you're just a hairy potato.
So you're extra gross.
I disagree.
I think Jimmy Kimmel looks like a slightly bloated Carson Daly,
but not as funny.
Slightly bloated?
This is going to sound fantastic,
but I forget Jimmy Kimmel's name,
so I googled, ugly late night talk show host,
and I got him, top link.
[LAUGHTER]
Jimmy Kimmel, open your eyes.
Your eyes look like vaginas.
#squinter.
I like Jimmy Kimmel better when he was somewhat fat.
Skinny Jimmy is no bueno.
Dear Jimmy Kimmel, go wrap your ball sack around your neck
and choke yourself to death.
Then put your head up your butt.
There's nothing-- there's no nuance to that.
@KanyeWest says, Jimmy Kimmel, put yourself in my shoes.
Oh no, that means you would have gotten too much good [BLEEP]
in your life.
Oh!
Fair point, Kanye.
@JimmyKimmel, you're a piece of [BLEEP]..
Your job is to pollute the airwaves with
your worthless bull-[BLEEP].
[BLEEP] off you big, giant turd.
I think this guy follows me too.
[LAUGHTER]
Jimmy Kimmel, $1 million says your hair is fake,
your boobs are fake, and your feet are small, and your nose
is made of Play-Doh.
Jimmy Kimmel is not funny.
Neither is David Letterman.
I'd have to go along with both of those.
@JimmyKimmel, your show blows brown donkey balls.
Go play with Howard Stern's [BLEEP],,
you Hollywood jokeless fool.
Happy birthday, Jimmy.
[CHEERING]
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