- Hey, I'm Naomi Ekperigin.
- I'm Dusty Slay.
- I'm Brian Simpson.
- I'm Mark Normand.
- I'm Janelle James.
- I'm Melissa Villaseñor
and this is "Ask A Comedian."
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- What rituals do I need to do before I go on stage?
Well...
go poop.
- Poop, yeah. (Melissa laughs)
- I put Aquaphor on my lips.
I don't like them when they're chapped and crunchy.
Drink some water.
- That's all the same shit I do before I get on a flight.
(Melissa laughs)
- Poop, I hydrate, and I pray that it doesn't crash.
- Usually I have to talk myself out of smoking a joint.
- That's a good one.
Weirdly, I like to be alone in my hotel
and get a little sad. (Janelle laughs)
Somehow, if I feel too confident about the show,
I don't do as well.
So I like to be a little sad
and believe that it's not gonna work out
and that I'll probably quit comedy right after this show.
- I thought that's how we all were.
I didn't know that was a ritual.
- I don't know. (Janelle laughs)
Maybe that is what everyone does.
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- "Malcolm X," I've never watched the whole thing,
'cause it's four hours long.
I feel bad about that
'cause I've watched "Interstellar" six times.
- And that one's long.
- I know, and "Malcolm X" is like a Black History thing.
(Melissa laughs) But, I know his story
I don't feel the need to watch four hours.
But whenever people talk about it, I do. Yeah.
So I'm fake.
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- I have a dumb joke that I love that never works
about how-- explaining a Peloton
to someone in a Third World country.
You know, the idea of this $2,000 bicycle
that doesn't go anywhere. (Naomi laughs)
And then, the only reason you use it
is because it burns calories from takeout.
(Naomi laughs) And they're like,
"What's takeout?"
And they're like, "That's where a guy on a bicycle
brings food to your house."
And it always bombed, but when I wrote it,
it was killing in my room.
(Naomi laughs) You know what I mean?
- Oh, that's always the best.
- Yeah.
- A joke I love to tell is about how the video game,
"Animal Crossing," is basically just slavery cosplay.
(Mark laughs) And no one really likes it,
but I stand by it.
I don't understand why you would play a game
where you have to till a field and tend,
and you get told what to do by animals.
(Mark laughs)
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- I identify with my zodiac sign.
I don't know a whole lot about astronomy world,
but I'm a Libra.
October 9th.
John Lennon was also on that day.
I think I connect with Libras because we're indecisive,
artistic,
selfish.
- I should get credit for all the time
that I spend pretending to be interested in astrology.
Other people talk about it
and it's my own personal torture.
- I'm a Taurus and I read it, and I'm like,
"Oh, yeah. That's totally me.
I'm 100% that guy."
So I do think I do, even though I don't believe in it.
- I'm a Libra.
I also tell myself I don't believe in it,
but then I read that we're pretty.
(Janelle giggles)
- I'm a Virgo,
which is pretty analytical,
annoying,
so yeah, that's dead on.
But, it's all silly.
I feel like it's made up and makes people feel better
about their stupid decisions.
- I'm a Sagittarius and I don't know much about it,
but I do know it's a half man, half horse,
which is rude. (Naomi laughs)
I take it personally. It's hurtful and I do not identify.
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- I've done comedy in laundromats,
pizza parlors, barbershops.
I just did a show in a closed Abercrombie & Fitch.
(Melissa raspberries) - It closed down?
- Yeah, it was closed. (Melissa laughs)
- It was like completely empty.
- Oh. - Nothing on the shelves.
- I just remembered I performed in a hat shop.
Goorin Hats. I left with a hat. They gave me one.
- Strangest place I've performed comedy was
in a food museum in New Orleans in front of my parents
and their friends, and boy, did I eat a bag of dog shit.
(Naomi laughs) And it reminded my parents
why I shouldn't be a comic.
- Strangest gig I ever had was
at the Young Nudists of America...
(Mark whistles) winter gathering.
(Mark laughs) You know,
it's hard to find things to do in the cold weather
when you wanna be naked.
And comedy's just a great option for people.
They can be inside.
Bring a towel. That's the rule among the nudists.
You gotta put a towel on that seat,
then you can sit on it,
and then I'm supposed to tell you jokes
without looking at your areolas.
- Once in Winston-Salem, North Carolina,
I did comedy standing on a bar,
and the mic had sticky stuff all over it.
And I kept looking at my hand to see if there was tape
on there, and they thought I was reading my jokes.
That was pretty strange.
- I can't remember the name of this town, but it's the--
I remember the sign when you drive in,
it's "The Home of Ronald Reagan."
So wherever he was born.
A VFW in the Midwest.
It was a talent show and I came in second
to an Elvis impersonator.
- Tough to beat Elvis.
- This was "Ask A Comedian."
- Now go watch "The Standups: Season 3."
- Only on Netflix. (upbeat jazzy music ends)