- Do we think this is enough Hot Pockets?
- [Friend] I don't think so, not at all.
- Hey, everyone, it's Julia from "Julia Tries Everything".
This is my least favorite dog, Louie the Corgi.
He decided to start barking during shooting the intro,
so now he's in it.
We're gonna be trying 11 different Hot Pocket flavors,
aka all the ones I could find at the grocery store.
We have the classics like the Ham & Cheddar,
the Mozzarella, and Meatball,
and then we also have a bunch of new flavors
which I'd never heard of before.
I'm very excited.
This is a key point of my childhood.
I need to know if they stand up
to what I have in my memory of how great these were.
Let's get to it.
You're not gonna ruin any more shots, are you?
You gonna ruin more shots?
Okay.
See y'all.
We are going to start
with the classic Hot Pocket flavors.
Classic means the ones that I remember
and the ones that were relatively
some of the first flavors that they came out with.
So we're gonna start with the Philly Steak & Cheese,
Pepperoni Pizza, Meatballs & Mozzarella,
Hickory Ham & Cheddar, Four-Cheese Pizza,
oh god, (yelps)
and the Five-Cheese Pizza.
Baking these takes 30 minutes
and I've never, ever baked one before.
I've always microwaved them
and then you eat them when they're way too hot
and you burn the roof of your mouth off.
The whole point of this is that it's quick.
So we're gonna do the taste test based off of microwaving.
I do imagine it tastes better baked,
but I'm just gonna keep it a level playing field
and taste test them based off of how
I'm pretty sure most people eat them.
Without further ado, I'ma do some microwaving.
(dramatic music) (gasps)
So I took them all out of their boxes
and I labeled them with this wine glass marker
and all of the ones that are below are scribbled out.
(beep) Okay.
(beep) That was so stupid.
What do these say?
Tell me.
This is why I'm not allowed to do anything.
Also, I didn't even think about it,
they all have different microwaving times.
Oh, my god.
(lively music)
I have no idea what these
are supposed to look like. (giggles)
We are in.
I just touched my dog and my hair at the same time.
Good.
I'm gonna start with the Ham & Cheese,
'cause that to me is the quintessential Hot Pocket flavor.
I remember eating this one as a kid
after school nearly every single day.
If I could, I would eat the entire box.
They are just so delicious.
Also eating the entire box is only two,
so take what you will of that.
All right, this looks just like how I remember.
It's just this really thick yellow cheese
and cubes of ham.
(soft catchy music)
Yeah.
Ew, I slobbered cheese out of my mouth.
It's pretty much just a bunch of salt and cheese.
And I'm using the,
I'm using this as a napkin now.
Oh, my gosh.
This is exactly what I remember as a kid.
You don't taste too much of the ham in there,
but it's very simple, easy,
something that a little kid would love
because there's not too many flavors going on
and the saltiness makes you wanna
just eat the entire box.
Next, we're gonna try the Four-Cheese Pizza.
I think it's the Four-Cheese Pizza.
It looks like it's at least four cheeses.
It might be the Five-Cheese. I really couldn't tell you.
Okay, Four-Cheese Pizza
with a garlic buttery crust.
Very buttery, yeah.
It's mainly moz, a little bit of cheddar,
maybe, that I'm tasting.
Parmesan, cheddar, provolone, mozzarella.
I don't think you can taste the Parm.
I wouldn't say it's pizza flavored.
I would say it's mainly cheese,
with really, really, really sweet tomato sauce.
Okay, so then we're gonna do the Five-Cheese Pizza.
This honestly looks the same as the Four-Cheese.
This is Four-Cheese.
These two are Five-Cheese.
I don't know if I'm gonna be able to taste the difference.
Romano. They add Romano to it.
Okay. Fancy.
I wonder if they upcharge you for it, too.
I can't tell if it's because now I know it's Five-Cheese
if I'm now tasting the Romano.
You definitely do taste the Parm in this one.
This one, the Four-Cheese,
the Four-Cheese is pretty much
just provolone and mozzarella.
The Five-Cheese, you actually can taste
that Parm flavor in it
where it just tastes a little bit more rich.
Five-Cheese Pizza, better than the Four-Cheese.
I think that's obvious.
It definitely tastes more like a pizza.
Fun fact time, I'm just blazing through here,
the original name for Hot Pockets was Tasty Witches,
and they were created in 1983,
but the microwavable sleeves
that the Hot Pockets come in was an invention itself
because they were trying to find a way
to make food in the microwave still crispy.
A lot of times, microwaveable food, as you know,
can be kind of soggy and sad.
So they found the way that they created those sleeves
makes it a little bit crispier,
so that's how Hot Pockets were able to come to fruition.
Continuing my fun fact,
so people really didn't freak out
about these until the '90s,
because when they first were created in the '80s,
they were having a really hard time
getting them into grocery stores.
They actually were selling them to restaurants at first,
which kind of boggles my mind.
Imagine going to a restaurant and getting a Hot Pocket.
I wonder how much you can even charge for it?
Whatever.
I'm gonna do Pepperoni Pizza.
I do enjoy that they add seasoning to the pizza ones.
I'm a little sad
they don't add seasoning to the other ones.
I remember this one is good.
I'm a fiend for pepperoni.
Oh, I just spit.
The pepperoni is like just the right amount of spicy
if you were a kid.
Nowadays, this is not spicy to me.
Super meaty in your face.
Not as much cheese.
I'm not really noticing any cheese, to be honest,
but loads of pepperoni.
It does have a weird aftertaste.
This is so mean.
It's fine, 'cause I like them, so I'm allowed to say it.
The Pepperoni Hot Pocket has an aftertaste
of what the Pupperoni dog treats
I would imagine have an aftertaste of.
It's a little bit of an artificial pepperoni flavor.
I'm not surprised and I'm not upset about it.
It's just an observation.
Up next, we have the Meatballs & Mozzarella Hot Pocket,
which has that garlic,
(serene music) buttery topping on it.
And it's loaded with a bunch of little mini meatballs.
It's very cute. I love it.
I do remember this one as a kid as well.
My mom, oh, that was dog hair.
Growing up, I was only allowed to have the Lean Pockets,
never the Hot Pockets,
and the Hot Pockets always had better flavors,
in my opinion.
I feel like they only had
a limited number of Lean Pockets
just because I'm sure they could only
make certain ones healthy.
But I remember as a kid just dying to try a Hot Pocket,
'cause I needed to know how much better does it taste,
and I actually have to say all of these, which I've tried,
have all been Lean Pocket flavors
and there's not too much of a difference that I remember.
I think the Lean Pocket ones are just as good.
Controversial? I don't know.
It's really impressive how much they shove in there.
Those are two whole meatballs up in there.
I'm really impressed with how they're able
to pack in so many little guys in there.
It's like Chef Boyardee meatballs.
They taste really nice.
It dissolves in your mouth, the meatball.
The meatball itself just kind evaporates,
which I don't think meat is supposed to do,
but I'm gonna look past that.
I enjoy this immensely.
Anything that I shouldn't, oh my god.
Look at this ingredients list.
Do you see this?
Look how long it is.
Not even gonna think about it.
The last one is the Philly Cheese Steak.
I love Philly Cheese Steaks.
I think they're amazing.
I could eat them for the rest of my life,
not exclusively Philly Cheese Steaks,
I would need a few other things in rotation,
but these are on the top of my list.
The Philly Cheese Steak also looks like the saddest one.
It looks super pale,
which is not a glowing review from me so far,
but I'm gonna look past it.
I feel like that's the motto of this entire video,
the entire mood, theme, aura
is going to be just look past things
and just try to enjoy it for what it's supposed to be.
It tastes like a Philly cheese steak,
it really, really does.
The photo makes it look like there's peppers all in this,
and I haven't seen one pepper yet,
which is a little insulting.
Oh, maybe it's on this side.
There's no peppers in this.
Okay, okay. I found two peppers.
I found one green pepper and one red pepper.
I know Hot Pockets are not
the most healthy, nutritious, hottest thing on the planet,
but they really do what they're supposed to do.
Fill you up.
Make you forget about all the (beep) things in your life.
I forget for a moment that I am completely isolated
with three dogs and my parents.
These are the classics that I remember
and they taste exactly from what I remember
like over 10 years ago when I would eat these.
My favorite from this.
I'm gonna say the Philly Cheese Steak
and the Pepperoni Pizza
and the Five-Cheese Pizza are all classics
that I stand by to this day.
Ham & Cheese is like if you're a toddler
and you just need super basic flavors.
And then the Four-Cheese Pizza,
why would you get Four-Cheese Pizza
when you can get Five-Cheese Pizza?
That's just silly.
No.
They don't say anything on the back. Okay.
Well, okay, let's try it.
(energetic music)
We're on round 2, last round.
I just couldn't find enough Hot Pockets
at the grocery stores.
I went to two, there's only two grocery stores nearby me,
otherwise I have to go drive for a really long time
to find Hot Pockets.
So I do apologize.
A really fun fact is that there are actually
over 50 varieties of Hot Pockets.
They have the Lean Pockets,
they have the breakfast Hot Pockets,
they used to have a croissant one, a pretzel one,
I think they might still have the pretzel one.
And something I forgot to say about the last round
is that the Pepperoni Pizza is the most popular flavor.
So makes sense that I liked that one, I guess.
I feel validated.
So we have three that are the Big & Bold
collection, variety?
So they're 50% larger than the regular.
I'm gonna start
with the Four-Meat and Four-Cheese Pizza one.
I'm actually not gonna look at what the meats are.
I wanna see if I can guess.
The cheeses are gonna be
Parm, cheddar, mozzarella, provolone,
and the meats are gonna be meatball,
hamburger,
maybe there's another pork in there, like a bacon,
I don't taste bacon, though,
and chicken?
Pepperoni, sausage, Canadian bacon, hamburger.
I was kind of okay on that one.
And cheeses.
What? No, no you have to tell me what cheeses.
I just guessed which cheeses.
Tell me what cheeses.
I feel like I got the cheese part right.
Okay, the cheeses are mozzarella,
there's so many things on here, guys,
there's mozzarella, there's cheddar,
smoked flavor, hamburger beef,
potatoes, pork fat,
dried onion, Parmesan.
Guys, I don't know.
I'm gonna say I was correct on the cheeses.
I was definitely wrong on the meats.
I really don't even know if I can see four meats in here.
The next one I'm trying
is White Meat Chicken Bacon Cheddar Cheese Melt
with a crispy buttery crust.
This one's part of the high protein packages.
Oh, interesting. Thoughtful portions.
One portion equals one sandwich,
these are not sandwiches,
and enjoy with a side salad or fresh fruit.
Nope.
Just not doing that.
White Meat Chicken Bacon Cheddar Cheese Melt.
That's a hard one to say.
This is actually a decent amount of chicken in here.
They're, again, like too perfectly cut
to where it also looks like how when you cut tofu.
It looks very perfect.
(sighs) It should weird me out more
that these are cut so perfectly,
but I'm just looking past it all.
I really should have gotten drunk before this
because that's how you're supposed to enjoy Hot Pockets.
I don't taste much bacon.
It's mainly chicken
and a really, really mellow cheddar cheese.
It's not sharp cheddar or anything like that.
This would be a step up from the Ham & Cheese,
instead of ham, you're having chicken,
but the chicken isn't seasoned.
So it's just one that has more meat in it,
so it feels a little bit more robust.
I can't stare at it anymore. It's weirding me out.
Shall we do a fun fact? We should do a fun fact.
Fun fact time,
Hot Pockets were actually created by two brothers,
and they were Iranian born Jewish immigrants
and they came to America and gifted us
the beauteous things.
I'm trying to think of more fun facts
so I don't have to eat more.
They sold it to Nestle for a (beep) ton of money
and now their family
is one of the richest families in the world,
all thanks to Hot Pockets
'cause we are addicted to them.
That's insane to me.
Chicken Bacon Ranch.
Creamy ranch, applewood-smoked bacon,
and reduced fat mozzarella,
and a cheddar ranch of blasted crust.
There's nothing about this that says blasted,
but it does smell very ranchy.
Okay.
There's a place in upstate New York in Syracuse
that does these calzones,
and my lovely ex-boyfriend
used to order the chicken bacon ranch calzone.
And then if you'd say on the phone pound it,
which means make your calzone an entire (beep) pound,
it's, it's huge,
we would pound it
and get one pound chicken bacon ranch calzones
at like two in the morning.
And we would just eat the entire thing
and then leave the box on the floor
and you wake up in the morning and you look at it
and you're like, what have I done?
That's what this tastes like to me.
Oh, my gosh, it's bringing me back.
This is beautiful.
Creamy, salty, so full of ranch and bacon.
It looks really sad and pale.
It looks like something I wouldn't give to someone,
I wouldn't serve to a loved one.
But it tastes really good.
I wish I was just really, really drunk right now,
and just eating that all day.
I'm now on the last two, which are both orange.
We're gonna do the Sriracha Steak first.
It has held jalapenos, cheddar cheese,
creamy cheese and sriracha blasted crust.
Ooh, that is yellow.
Ooh, okay.
Okay, there it is. There's a little bit of heat.
Okay, so there is spiciness to this.
You don't see any jalapeno in there,
but you can definitely taste it,
so I'm not sure if they've put it in the cheese
or if it's just because when it all microwaves together,
it's kind of spread around.
This one tastes really hefty.
It's like a spicy Philly Cheese Steak, but with cheddar.
I don't think that's no longer a Philly Cheese Steak.
It's the same meat as the Philly Cheese Steak one,
but they really made it taste completely different.
We have the Buffalo-Style Chicken
with spicy Buffalo sauce
and a reduced fat cheddar cheese
and a Buffalo blasted crest.
I would concur that looks like Buffalo blasted.
Oh, my god, that looks like Buffalo dip.
This one feels the heaviest.
This one feels like
you could do arm workouts with it.
You could be like.
And close and open.
Yeah.
This one's an actual arm workout.
Oh.
Whew, this is really good.
This is a bunch of Buffalo chicken dip
in a Hot Pocket.
It's like two people who were drunk together
put their favorite foods together,
and they're like let's try this.
I should say that some people do eat these sober.
I used to eat these sober as a kid,
but after a while, you're like,
why am I doing this to myself?
2004 Julia would have eaten this (beep) up.
It's so good.
I really like the Buffalo Chicken
and I really like the Chicken Bacon Ranch.
I don't know which one's my favorite.
(beep) I'm gonna say I like the Chicken Bacon Ranch more.
I had a bigger reaction to it.
It looks sadder than this one, but it's really good,
so it's also surprising,
because you're looking at it and you're like (groans),
but then you're like, no, no, this is worth it.
I would say then coming in second place
is the Buffalo Chicken.
I would honestly just scoop out
the innards of this Hot Pocket
and eat it with a spoon.
You don't even need the crust.
The crust is just a way to hold it all together.
This might be one of my favorite videos I've done so far
and also least favorite at the same time,
mainly 'cause I've just put so much
microwaveable processed food in my body,
but also I feel like
I'm doing my childhood self
due diligence and a really great service.
Okay, I should bring in a dog for the outro.
I'll let Booboo be in this outro.
He's 80% fur, 20% sass.
Thank you guys so much for watching.
I'm going to be donating to the Loveland Foundation.
I've been doing this for the past two videos
and it supports black girls and black women
getting equal access to therapy.
I really, really would love
if you could also support and donate to them as well,
if you are in that position to do so.
If you have other places that you recommend to donate,
let me know.
Leave it in the comment section.
Until next time, like, comment, subscribe.
Stay safe, stay sane,
adopt a dog, eat a Hot Pocket,
you know, typical things you do.
Right?
Okay.
Say bye, bye.
You just want the Hot Pocket.
(catchy music)