- Maybe we can compete on some sort of like duo,
like work together cooking show.
- I would love that,
I would just be dragging you down.
- Do you know how fast I would get competitive
and start screaming at you?
(blonde woman laughs)
I would get this close to your ear and be like,
"You are not gonna (beep) this up for me.
Don't (beep) with me."
(bells chiming)
Hi it's me Trixie Mattel
- And I'm Katya.
- And we are two Queens who like to watch.
And today we have the very distinct all day pleasure
of watching The great British Baking Show Holiday.
- Baking is cool, do you bake?
- I've never turned on my oven.
- Sometimes preheat at night, you'll turn it on.
(Katya laughs)
And that's nice.
(dramatic music)
Now, spoiler alert, there might be some British people
and some baking and some holidays
and I don't wanna ruin any of that for you so.
- Would you go on the show?
- I think you and I are more of a nailed it category,
you know what I mean?
- I would love to do, but with the knowledge that
no matter how hard I tried or prepared,
everything I made would come out totally (beep).
- Or at the last second, like, no matter what you do
they swap your dish for like the display dish,
and you're like, "And what?
Sorry about it.
Good luck."
(bells chiming)
- [Narrator] As the cast of the hit sit-com
"The Derry Girls" have descended on the tent.
- We've got the cast of "The Derry Girls"
we've got Nicola and Callum.
- Callum.
(Katya laughs)
- I feel like in the UK everybody's name's Callum and Gemma.
Literally I have (beep) like 10 guys in the UK
I swear to God they're always named Callum.
(Katya laughs)
I swear to God.
Hi, what's your-- let me guess you're Callum.
My name's Callum,
get in the car.
You know,
let's just get this going.
- This morning I had a feeling
something terrible was gonna happen
and also that
essentially deep down I'm kind of an evil person.
- It's called a hangover Claire you'll be grand.
- They seem like wild whores,
I bet they're a lot of fun.
- Yeah the Derry Girls seem like
they'd be fun to go out with.
- Fun at a party, turned fucking lit.
- I'm pretty nervous but at the same time
I'm like a savage, come on like,
yeah-- - What?
- Like at the end he just stopped talking.
I'm pretty nervous but at the same time I'm a savage.
(Katya laughs)
You know what though, hot people do that,
hot people, words are so optional.
- Judges would like you to make a large sharing trifle.
- Trifling, girl, everybody in my life is trifling.
- Trif-- no, what is that?
- I have no idea.
- I guess we'll find out.
- I hope they say trifle
and one of these girls just starts
pouring straight booze into a bowl.
(Katya laughs)
It's like a wop, right?
Like we all just put fruit in it,
okay, great.
By the way the hair on this show is all different journeys.
It looks like everybody's showing up
to a different show that day.
(Katya laughs)
- You have two and a half hours.
- On your marks.
- Get set. - Get set.
- Trifle is one of those classic--
- Oh who is that?
I've just been informed that
the hot judge's name is Paul Hollywood.
(Katya sighs)
Which means he's done porn.
(Katya laughs)
- Stop
- He's done pornography.
She's struggling.
- The perfect texture of a trifle--
- I love her with that scarf on.
- Old woman, fun glasses,
is she like the Martha Stewart of the UK?
Did she go to prison?
Did she do time?
- And of course the other key
is a good deal of Cherry or Brandy or whatever they like.
- Always back to the booze with these people.
- Is every activity in the UK just an excuse to drink?
- They're not being dehydrated by sunlight,
they need something else.
- You got one minute!
(dramatic music)
- It is really hard to bake off, it's really, really hard.
- Oh my God, hot tea and celebrities
having to do something for themselves for once.
- Oh I know.
- It could have been a bowl of cereal
and they would've been like,
"I can't believe this is going on."
- [Narrator] The Derry Girls' trifles
will now face the judgment of Paul and Pru.
- Let's have a look, shall we?
- Oh God!
(Katya wretches)
What are British people doing with food?
(Katya wretches)
We're gonna take these raw ingredients
and we're just gonna (beep) ruin them.
- That's literally everything.
- That's horrible.
That looks so gross.
- Oh God, they're gonna hate it.
- I think that tastes amazing.
- Oh really?
- Yeah,
it does. - Thank you.
- That literally looks like sour cream
and like green chilies or something.
- It looks like a (indistinct).
- I mean, I think it is a bit of a mess.
- Wait until you try it
you're gonna like it king
you're gonna liquor all over.
- Irish liquor all over
- Jesus.
She's talking to him like I would be.
And when you finish that spoon,
you're gonna lick this spoon until I'm cross-eyed bitch.
- You're gonna lick this (beep) clean.
- I do think it's delicious.
- They hate her for it.
- Just the right amount-- - They're all shocked.
- And the textures are spot on.
- Thank you so much.
- They're pissed.
- I'm livid.
(Katya laughs)
- Absolutely fuming,
I'm Absolutely (beep) fuming.
- Cool.
- See, that looks good.
- Don't you think?
It's like a cake with pudding on it.
- I hope it's not too stiff.
- Oua.
- Oua. - Oua, what is oua?
Does he know words?
How does he do acting?
It looks beautiful.
(mumbles)
It looks lovely, I love the layers,
(Trixie mumbles)
- Thank you, thanks guys.
- What an adorable, beautiful little man.
- Did a great job.
(Trixie and Katya clap)
(bells chiming gently)
- I like this show, this is very chill, chill energies.
- Yeah, good vibes only.
- This is a little more like everybody can bake.
If this was American
it would be like only one of you
will be leaving with your life.
You know. (Katya laughs)
- Seriously.
- Today we have to make a blood sausage
using blood from your daughter.
- And they just slit her throat right on TV.
- And you scramble to the ground to catch the blood.
- To catch the blood.
(Katya laughs)
- Yeah, you trying to scoop it into a glass.
(bells chime)
- They're making salmon and beetroot bleenies
which are like pancakes with--
- [Narrator] Into the technical blind.
- Hello bakers it's time for your
technical challenge-- - I love him.
- He has the best older goth fashion.
- 100%, by the way there's nothing kind of sexier
than like an older goth guy
who still likes to put on a little,
you know what I mean?
(Katya laughs)
I'm gonna be 19 wearing (indistinct), but guess what
I'm a goth bitch.
Like I hope he wears like a little boot with a heel,
you know what I mean?
- Yeah, I think he does.
- I hope so.
- Pru, any words of advice?
- Do as you're told.
- And you won't die.
- Why have you chosen bleenies?
- This is just such a nice dish for New Year,
cream cheese, beetroot and horseradish.
(Katya wretches)
- Is this crazy?
'Cause this looks crazy.
- This is crazy.
- Today we're making ritz crackers
with toothpaste and bubblegum.
(beep) me up, literally Michael Myers choked me out
and stick his (beep) knife up my ass.
(Katya laughs)
I don't wanna live,
I don't wanna make it through.
How did she die?
Paul Hollywood dicked her down
before her eyeballs popped up out of her skull,
she's dead now.
She died doing what she loved.
(bells chime)
- Now all the contestants are rushing to finish the show
their nasty bleenies to the judges.
- Please bring your bleenies
and place them behind your photograph on the table.
- Holy (beep), I'm a vegetarian,
I wouldn't even been able to taste the food.
They would be tasting this
and I would just be like,
(Katya laughs)
panicked.
'Cause I know they're gonna hate it,
I'd be leaving.
- Who's this?
They are both under browned
and yet slightly over cooked.
- Well done.
- Everything you've done is completely incorrect.
(Katya and Trixie clap)
Which means that--
(contestants clap)
- It's so delightful.
- It is very joyous.
And so like, no, you were great,
no, you were great.
If these were drag queens,
somebody would have hit someone already.
- I know.
- You'd have a girl lighting a cigarette on the open flame
someone drying weed in the oven,
someone just doing some stretches with headphones in
in the back.
And then somebody like me a (beep) nerd being like
you guys need to take this more seriously.
(Katya laughs)
(bells chime)
- Oh wow okay so for the final Show Stopper Challenge
they have to make a cake based on their favorite decade.
- Show Stopper Challenge.
Are you excited?
(contestants cheering)
Now as we slip towards--
- Are you excited?
(Trixie imitates contestants cheering)
(Katya laughs)
These people are weird.
Are you excited?
(Trixie yodels)
- The judges would like you to make a cake
based on your favorite decade?
- I like the 60s.
- Yeah the 1860s so--
- You doing bits.
- Workshop it, take you down to the comedy store
and do a little 10 minutes slide, see how it goes.
- My cake is 60s camper van
kind of summer love.
- [Narrator] Dylan's decade cake
is made of a hill-- - Ah cool.
- [Narrator] made from Victoria Sands.
- Why don't you come over to my house
I got a nice oh oh.
(both laugh)
What, we found out he doesn't speak
why do I have to use words?
I can just use sounds.
Bleh, bleh!
- It's obvious what you're making.
- I'm not making lemon cake.
- I know you're making jam.
- I'm not making the jam.
- What exactly are you making?
- I love that he said, I'm not doing none of this,
but I'm gonna be here while it happens.
That's hot people though,
hot people are like,
I'm gonna win this cooking competition by not cooking.
- Go on girl, give us nothing.
- What are you gonna be doing
while you're supposed to be cooking?
He's like modeling, I'm gonna be modeling.
If you had to make a cake based on your favorite decade,
which decade are you picking?
- Maybe like the 70s.
- Oh, put weed in it?
- Just put a bunch of cocaine on it or something or,
(both laugh)
cocaine frosting.
I guess that would be the 80s.
- I want them to cut into one of the cakes
and be like, well my dad was incarcerated in the 90s
so there's actually a razor blade in that one.
(Katya laughs)
I would probably do the 60s,
or actually you know what?
I feel like if you're gonna do a dessert,
do 50s because you can go so off the (beep) rails
and weird with it, 'cause those desserts look crazy.
Neon, orange, Turkey.
- Hot dog cupcakes.
- With yellow pineapple stuck to a weird (beep) like that
I'd be like,
what are you doing? - Yeah.
(bells chime)
- All right so the Derry Girls present their Show Stoppers
to the judges.
I have to say give credit where it's due,
these are non bakers
and I think they're doing a (beep) good job.
- Yeah they're incre--
(both laugh)
I'm going to take back,
Wait a minute,
is that an Amelia Earhart little head?
- Deep into that--
- It looks like a crashed plane.
- The plane quite sitting quite deep into that--
- 'Cause it crashed.
- Oh my God.
Oh my God.
- That's incredible.
- It's the Amelia Earhart crashed plane.
- It looks like a little Easter egg
(Trixie laughs)
That's fantastic.
Oh, wait a minute.
- Wasn't that supposed to be tie dye?
- Yeah, it was supposed to be tie dye.
- It looks like a gravestone.
(Katya laughs)
- Oh my God.
- She is.
- Baking is hard.
- I know.
- And they're not making simple (beep).
If one of them did a simple looking cake
and made a taste of that she could probably win.
- Yeah.
- Rather than present something that looks crazy.
- Well, the colors are a little bit washed out.
- It's a metaphor
because peace isn't always what you imagine it to be.
- Really.
- Okay.
Okay.
You know what we're gonna do today?
Here's what we're not gonna do,
we're not gonna make up stories,
we're not gonna make excuses.
Just say you were in the cake Mary.
- Oh, is the taste good?
- I think your cake is delicious.
- Oh!
- Well done Saoirse.
- Thank you very much.
(contestants clap)
(festive music)
(Trixie and Katya laugh)
- Is that a bowler hat?
- Yeah.
- That (beep) bowler hat, it looks like a big (beep) turtle.
- You know what I would do?
I would go big.
They would go, "What is that?"
I would go, "You know when I'm baking,
I like to put on a show."
And I would grab the fondant hat and put it on.
Do you wanna have fun?
I mean, that hat looks--
- It looks like a helmet of a fallen soldier.
- Like, oh my God,
completely this looks like a helmet after a blast.
Jesus Christ. - Yeah seriously.
- What's in that cake?
- Cocoa powder,--
- Coffee.
I do like the design
and you have gone to a lot of effort to create--
- Are you kidding me with this?
They need to have me in this show.
I need to come in and like balance out the energy.
"I think the cake tastes like coffee
and it doesn't even taste like chocolate
and it looks (beep) but you're wonderful
and your whole fondant is wonderful."
And I'd be like, "(beep) her."
And if he doesn't (beep) unload in me
in about eight minutes, I'm leaving.
I'm leaving.
Paul Hollywood, get over here.
He would walk into this pink 60s paradise
and his pants would drop
and that (beep) 12 inch uncut thing
would roll out on the floor and it would be over.
(Katya laughs)
It would be over.
It'd be over.
I'd throw it over my shoulders, like a mink stole
and I do a number of frankly.
(Trixie laugh)
God, I'm so gross.
- You're gonna get gay rights taken away from all of us.
- I know.
I would love to judge a baking show.
- I would love to judge.
- This is what's gonna happen.
They're gonna do an episode
where they have to cook for a same-sex couple,
and you and I are gonna judge the gay wedding cakes.
- Yeah, points off for any choreography done.
- Yes, please.
If you at all feel the urge in a wedding proposal
to incorporate choreography or a costume change,
you've gone too far.
- Too far.
- Oh wow.
- What is (beep) that?
- This is my rendition,
(sobs) it's took my life.
(Trixie and Katya laugh)
- This is the, this is my rendition,
oh my God!
Look at it.
- It's so nasty.
- What if it tastes amazing?
Who knows?
- I know it's gonna taste amazing.
- Paul Hollywood is so hot.
The way he looks at these people
when he's judging their cakes,
he just he looks like he just is so sexual.
- Yeah it's really good.
- I'm trying to empty out a custard into a bowl
walk by and slipping me the finger Paul.
(Katya laughs)
(bells chime)
All right so we're gonna see who wins.
Now this is the UK
so I believe they win literally a hug.
- Oh, The Derry Girls.
- What worries me is blood appears to be spurting
out of Amelia Earhart's neck here.
- She has just crashed.
- I think--
- Look at the smile.
- Done it really well.
- So good.
- I don't think we've ever had more fun.
Thank you for the crack.
- Thank you for the crack?
- The crack, the good time.
- And by the way, thank you for the crack.
- You're all winners in my eyes
but there can only be one real winner
and the winner is,
Saoirse.
(all cheer)
- If you can read, you can bake.
- Way to make some of us feel very excluded.
- Wait, why did, because instructions.
- Yeah, okay.
This show has got ovens,
scarves, glasses, Derry Girls.
- Irish men, English men.
- Hot old daddies.
- Bleeding historical figures, in grass.
- Yes.
So tune into The Great British Baking Show Holidays
on Netflix.
(festive music)