- Hello, and welcome to "Therapist Reacts Raw"
where my producer gives me videos about relationships
that I've never seen before,
and I just react in real time with no prep.
So today I'm doing
"Couple Secretly Shares Each Side of Their Love Story."
Aw, that's freaking beautiful.
Let's see what happens.
(upbeat jazz music)
- The girl he was dating, and the boy I was dating,
cheated on us with each other and got together.
- These things happen.
I mean, not cool, but these things happen.
"We asked couples questions individually
to get both sides of their story."
- I have to guess what you're doing with that.
- We're not gonna be good at this.
My name's Emily Gaither,
and how long have I been dating?
Five years.
- Aw
- It's been a while.
- Oh, look at the look in their eyes.
They've worked through a lot of stuff,
and they're in a good place.
The only reason I say
they've worked through a lot of stuff is 'cause
nobody stays together five years
without working through some stuff.
They just don't.
So, and there's a depth and profundity of love
that comes through working through hardship
that you can see in their faces.
Look at how sweet he is.
I just want to hang out with them
and bask in their radiance of their love.
(man laughing)
- Little evil laugh there bro.
- First time I saw her really I was in so much pain.
There was a girl that was putting my makeup on,
like, for the tattoo?
Yeah, and she was like rubbing it off
all the time with alcohol
and it's burning and I was like,
"Hey, we gotta stop".
And so then Emily, she was doing costumes,
and so she came along and she started,
like, doing it with makeup.
I was like, it's a little easier for you
to take a baby wipe and wipe it away.
She's got like really big brown eyes and everything
so they always look kind of happy.
- What was your first impression?
Her side.
- Well he was tall, dark, and handsome,
which was very attractive.
I was a costume designer on "Almost, Maine"
and he was actually in the show
and I drew on his arm a tattoo every night.
He had a girlfriend at the time
and I had a boyfriend at the time,
so I knew that I wasn't gonna flirt with him
or anything like that.
So we were just friends.
Take- - Yeah, what'd you say though?
- It's pretty close. - You know everything I said
- It a good sync.
- That is so quiet.
- [Producer] It is your turn. - All right.
- I was really upset with the idea,
like, love and women and dates in general.
So, it was a part of me being like,
I'm not paying for a woman ever again.
- I've been there, I'm not paying
for someone else's future wife.
- She was like, "so how you guys gonna pay it?"
And I was like, half and half.
You pay your half.
I pay mine.
But then she gave me a look like,
no you're gonna pay for all of it.
So I was like, okay.
- It's those brown eyes you were talking about.
- And then I like tipped him like 20 bucks,
something like that.
Something ridiculous.
- So, he's trying...
he did not stand his ground at all.
- Our summer is the situation and stuff.
- Well that's the power, the power of the attraction
- For us and how it changed us and where we go from now.
And I was like, I really wanna kiss you right now.
And then she was like, "Yeah, sure."
And then we kissed that night.
- So, people say you-
if you ask for consent, it ruins the moment, right?
That you should just know.
That's not true.
But saying "I want to kiss you right now" is probably
a little better than "can I kiss you?"
Although "can I kiss you?" I think is
really sweet and confident.
It also doesn't sound very sure,
whereas "I want to kiss you."
There's a confidence there,
but it's also leaving the door open for the rejection.
It's kind of like the going 90
and letting them come 10.
Don't-
I don't care what you see in the movies.
Like, don't ever just straight up kiss somebody
unless they're looking at you
and they're biting their bottom lip.
You know like, they do that.
That is kind of like globally, thumbs up, go for it.
No, he's got game and not like the player game
where he just uses and loses people.
He's got game in terms of, he knows what he wants,
he knows who he wants, but he goes about it respectfully
and that's a good game.
Good game.
Slap him on the butt. (laughs)
But only if he said that I could, that's important.
I would say to him, I really wanna slap your butt right now.
And he could say yes or no.
I might do one of these and be like,
it's ready, but you tell me.
- It just stopped right then.
- Oh
- That was so weird.
You didn't overshare?
- No. (laughs)
- A lot of women are worried about their men oversharing.
That's-
Alicia's that with me.
She's like, "what did you tell them?"
- This is a funny story.
But the girl he was dating and the boy I was dating
cheated on us with each other and got together.
I walked up to him and I was like,
Hey, so our exes are friends,
maybe we should be friends, too?
He was like, oh-
they're more than just friends - He's reading her lips
- in front of everybody.
But after that we just started texting, hanging out.
We've pretty much been seeing each other ever since.
- In my savagery mind I was already thinking,
like, you know what, I'ma be with Emily.
That's what I'ma do.
And you know what?
Let say it loud.
Like they're more than friends.
I got her number and stuff.
- I gotta say, it's very refreshing
to watch this guy
because most people in dating are either
horribly insecure or they're overconfident
to the point of narcissism, right?
And when he says, "I'm gonna be with Emily,"
he's got that in his mind.
Like, this is what he's gonna set out to accomplish.
But I've yet to see any indicators
that she didn't have a choice in the matter
as far as he was concerned.
I like his confidence.
I really do.
- He actually asked me out for ice cream
and we were just gonna hang out
and actually talk about our exes
because they were together now.
And so we were gonna kinda compare notes and then-
- What's up with your exes?
Who cheats on these people?
Why would-
I could tell you why actually.
Why someone wonderful would get cheated on.
A lot of times, if I'm dating someone
and I feel like they're superior to me
and I feel insecure, I might date someone
who's down here because I can feel superior to them,
or at least like we're equals.
And so if you're dating someone who's intelligent
and kind and has integrity and decency
and you find them attractive
and you're intimidated by that,
you may think they're gonna figure out
they're too good for me
and they're gonna dump me so I'm gonna sabotage it now.
And they may never have dumped you.
They may have been perfectly happy with you
and your insecurity killed it.
But, I do know a lot of people,
when they see the person
that their partner cheated on them with,
they're like, really?
Them?
Hmm.
Okay.
- We ended up kissing and it became our first date.
- [Producer] We would like two more.
- Oh yeah.
I didn't see you tell this story.
- Well I thought I liked her more
until I hear on the phone with her friend Lauren,
right outside my window,
not realizing that I could hear everything...
Her being like "no, no, I don't think, no it's not like a-
It's really nothing.
It's just like a-
it was just a thing, or whatever."
- Because I heard you messing with other girls.
So, I didn't know that wasn't true.
- I just got back to school.
What, Where else that-
it was like day two?
Like, who, who could I do anything with?
- I don't know.
You look like you, bro.
- It's the conservatory barbecue.
That is the first day. - Like, hour two.
- I didn't know you,
and it wasn't that day that I said that either.
It was later.
- Oh
- I think I said it first.
(man laughs)
- You don't remember something?
What was that?
- I kind of remember it.
Yeah, I think, yeah...
No, no.
- You don't have no idea
what the answer to this question is.
You've been thinking real hard.
- Yeah.
Give me the headphones.
- [Producer] What will your life be like
if you had never met Kevin?
- Oh, that's a good question. - Oh, gosh.
- That's a good question to gauge where things are
in the relationship now.
You know, if you regret meeting or not.
- Living in St. Louis, 'cause that's where my mom is.
I would probably still be doing costume design
'cause right now I'm doing more freelance art
and visual art paintings,
'cause he kind of supported my career change.
When are we doing stuff like this? (laughs)
- But I like that she isn't saying that my life would be,
you know, that song "my life would suck without you,"
and I can't live without you.
And, like, oftentimes
that's not indicative of a healthy relationship.
The idea that I can't survive or thrive unless you're there,
actually isn't super healthy.
It's far better to be able to say,
I can stand on my own feet
and I'd be okay,
but my life is better because of you, right?
Or, I know "you complete me" is a very romantic movie line,
but you supplement me is actually
far more indicative a healthy relationship.
That I would be okay without you
because I like who I am
because I'm filling my life with good things.
I'm doing things that I'm proud of
and she's very much in that head space.
These two, I would be surprised if they don't make it.
They have a very wholesome and real love
based on actually knowing each other.
And none of them-
neither of them is using the other as a life preserver.
There's no dependency or codependency.
There's just very much a I'm strong, you're strong.
I'd be all right.
You'd be all right.
But we're better together.
And that's awesome
- Man.
Probably a lot cheaper.
Probably had a lot more money.
I'll be honest.
- (laughs) My gosh, that's awesome.
- Ears are, you know, clogged.
If I never met Emily,
I feel like I'd still be angrier, in a way.
Like, a lot of life stuff.
- Oh, gosh.
I think I knew really soon after we started dating
that I was in love with him.
Just 'cause like, he's such a good soul and-
- Yeah, you can tell.
- He really like sees people for who they are.
And when we met I was going through a hard time
with a breakup, just like he was.
And to be seen for who I really was
and what makes me unique and to not be judged.
- There's maturity here
that people twice their age don't have.
- It meant a lot and it does to this day.
It definitely means a lot to me.
- So pay attention, because we do a lot of videos
on Mended Light of, like, really toxic breakups
or crazy exes or, like, all sorts of stuff like this.
This is what a healthy relationship looks like.
It's not about what you do for me, it's not about
that I can't be without you.
It's about, I admire and appreciate
who and what you are
and that's powerful and that's awesome.
- I love you because you're everything I prayed for
whenever I thought
about having a girlfriend - Stop it. Come on.
or stuff that other girls, like, didn't do.
- He's unafraid to show his vulnerability.
Yeah. You hold onto him. - Ah, all right.
These are real now, but y'all gonna edit this out.
I just...
We talk about how to change stuff up
and it's easy to change stuff up.
So, and...
you're supportive,
like I've never had support before...
And yeah.
I can't lose you 'cause I need you.
- Oh, okay.
Like, "I know I can't lose you
'cause I need you," like, in a different relationship
I would say that's a red flag.
Not in this one,
because of all the other indicators of where they're at.
That's just really sweet.
- You can take the headphones off.
Man, we're talking about cat allergies and stuff.
- I know, it got real emotional.
I saw I love you because-
- I didn't say that though,
except olive juice is horrific, 'cause-
- I would believe that too.
- Then, buddy over there was opening up-
- Olive juice, anything olive is terrible.
I love this guy.
This guy is my soul, spirit...
He's not an animal.
My spirit bro.
- I just said that...
- You're gonna make me cry.
I don't know what it is,
but you're emotional, it's gonna make me cry.
- I just said that like-
- Power through man.
You got this.
- You're just everything I pray for as a girlfriend
and you're loyal and very supportive.
So, I said something like that and I said
it'll be a lot cheaper being without you
if I'm being honest.
You know the deal.
- You're so rude.
- We break up right when we leave. (laughs)
- Don't you ever say that.
Don't ever say that. - You got me crying
on camera because of allergies.
- I love that he can tease her
and it's not meant to be insulting.
She takes it as a joke.
It speaks to her security
- Your dad.
Your dad. - Oh my gosh,
we're not showing them this video.
- That's really sweet.
Lots of good relationship stuff, healthy relationship stuff.
A lot of people will say, what does it look like?
That's what it looks like.
Go ahead and re-watch this video
because holy crap, that was beautiful.
Speaking of hot men of color
check out this Bridgerton video.
What did you like about this relationship?
What did you see?
Did I miss anything, any warning signs,
any red flags?
Or did I miss anything as far as
what makes them a beautiful, wholesome, healthy couple?
Let us know in the comments below.
What are you looking for in a partner?
Let us know in the comments below.
And until next time, keep shining folks, we need your light.
And there's that Bridgerton video,
so we can all thirst over for Regé-Jean Page.
Let's do this.
I'm thirsty.