(lighthearted music)
(insects chirping) (birds calling)
- No, no, no, no, no, no!
No, no!
- What?
- My bag, it's gone!
- What bag?
- My brown bag!
- What brown bag?
You had a room full of brown bags back home,
which brown bag?
- My crocodile bag, the one my mother gave me!
- Oh, it's in the closet, next to my briefcase.
- That's an ostrich bag.
(Moira shrieking loudly)
- Okay, just calm down, breathe, breathe, breathe.
Breathe!
- Okay.
David!
David must've taken it, along with my last molecule of hope.
- Oh Moira, David only took his own bags.
- Are you kidding?
I bet he's pawned it by now to pay for manicures.
- What possible sense would it make for David
to take one of your bags?
It doesn't...
Oh towels, great.
- Mrs. Rose, you got out of bed.
Sorry, am I interrupting something?
- No, no, we're just,
we're looking for something valuable, and...
- Your son?
- No, a brown bag, as a matter of fact.
Well...
Our son, yes.
- Has anyone heard from David?
- Oh, to be so naive!
He's long gone, darling, escaped, and left us all behind.
- Okay, well, I've put in some calls to some people,
just to get the word out.
- Well, that's very nice.
That's, very nice Stevie, thank you very much.
That's very considerate,
because I know you and David had a intimate relationship.
- Okay, I just came to drop off the towels,
and check in, so.
- [Alexis] Is that Stevie?
Can you ask her if she has any extra bedspreads?
- I'm still here!
- Oh okay, then come here then, please, for a sec.
- Yeah, come in.
(door thudding)
(bed creaking)
- Hey, does this place have any king sized sheets?
- Alexis, what the hell are you doing?
- Just giving myself some more space.
There's a lot going on in my life right now.
Like, Ted keeps harassing me for an answer to the whole,
am I gonna marry him thing,
and then there's the whole Mutt issue,
which is very complicated, and sexy, so I'm just,
I don't know what to do.
- I take it you haven't heard from David.
- Okay, yeah, fine.
And David's missing.
So...
(door thudding)
Someone keeps eating my yogurt!
(David gasping)
(Alexis grumbling)
- What kind of yogurt?
- I was saving that for after my run, David!
- Oh my God, I guess I was saving it
for during your run, then.
- You're like a big, dirty raccoon, David!
- Oh Alexis, you're almost 40 if you want some food,
prepare yourself some food.
- There is no food.
Nobody can cook, this is basically child abuse!
- David can cook.
- I can't cook.
- You got that Teppanyaki table for your bar mitzvah.
- That was thrown out after Alexis
left her extensions on it,
and everything smelled like burnt hair.
- I thought it was an actual table, David.
- There was a plug coming out of the side of it.
- Well, Alexis, why don't you cook, you can cook.
- Yeah.
- I can't cook.
Why don't you cook?
- Well, I could...
- I could cook. - Oh, John, John,
this is embarrassing!
Fine, I'll cook dinner tonight.
- What was the chicken dish that Adelina used to make?
- The enchiladas. - Yeah!
- Oh, Adelina, she was a good cook, remember?
- Excuse me, but the enchiladas were my mother's recipe.
- I don't think so.
- That's not how I remember it.
- I made it for you all the time!
John?
- Yes, well, if that's the way you remember things,
sweetheart.
- Okay, enough, tonight I will make my mother's enchiladas.
And David, you will help me.
- What?
- Oh my gosh David, it's gonna be so fun
for you tonight- - Don't touch me!
- Doing that with Mom. - That's harassment.
- That's so nice! - That's harassment!
(John whistling)
- David, Alexis, time to leave for breakfast.
Honestly David, why are you not ready?
- I'm not going.
How is it that a moth can find its way
into a triple locked titanium suitcase?
- The perils of owning cashmere.
Alexis!
Please, dear!
- Alexis hasn't been here for a week and a half.
She's at Mutt's.
- Well, that's simply not true.
I had breakfast with her just yesterday.
- That was me!
- We had a lengthy conversation about hosiery and menopause.
- Again, that was me.
(door thudding)
- David?
David, what is this?
- It looks like a bike.
- Is it yours?
- Yes.
Yes, it is.
- David, what is this doing here?
- You might wanna read the note.
- No, is it from Mutt?
David!
No!
- I feel like he really gets you.
Like, I feel like he sees like, deep into your soul.
I'm not quite sure what he's seeing exactly,
but there's definitely, he's looking inward.
- What am I gonna do?
- About what?
- This is serious, David.
This is so off base!
My God, imagine what kind of ring he'd buy.
Like an opal, or something.
- Oh, like a pear-shaped opal.
(door knocking)
- [Mutt] Hello, is anybody home?
- Hey, you have to support me in this.
You have to,
do you promise me? - Oh yeah, of course.
- So?
- Hey you!
This is so special for me.
- Well, I thought you needed a new mode of transportation.
- I do!
I do need a mode of transportation!
And like, a car would be nice, but, do I need a car?
- Not anymore, it appears.
- Well, you said you missed spin class, so.
- I did.
I did say that I missed spin class.
And so you bought me a bike!
Because I said that I missed spin class.
Because you're so thoughtful and perceptive.
- So you like it?
- I'd say she loves it.
- Well, you're gonna need this.
- A helmet! - A helmet!
- It came with the bike.
- I think you should put it on.
Like, I think you should actually like, put the helmet on.
- Yeah.
And I will one day,
when we take this little pony for a joyride.
- Actually, I brought my bike, so we can test it out.
I thought maybe we could take a little ride to the cafe.
- So fun.
I hate you, David!
- See ya!
Do you like this sweater?
Jared Leto gave it to me
and I've always been on the fence about it.
- I don't know.
- What do you mean you don't know?
You either like it, or you don't like it.
- I mean, I like it 'cause Jared Leto gave it to you,
and he was my first kiss, but I don't know if I like,
like it, like it.
- That's not really an answer.
- I feel really bad,
I feel like there's something burning in my throat.
- Oh my God, well,
you could've answered the question by now.
So I guess I'm wearing it.
- Dad, can you bring me some juice?
- [John] Be right there, honey!
- Yes, we'll be right there!
I knew this day would come, John.
Isolated, impoverished, cut off from all medical services.
I only prayed it wouldn't be Alexis.
- It's just a cold, Moira.
- Oh, it's always just a cold, John,
until it's full blown typhoid!
- [Alexis] I don't have typhoid!
- Well, of course you don't, what are the chances of that?
Do you remember Valentina?
Our chambermaid in little Martinique?
We all thought she had just a cold, until it was too late.
I'll never shake the mental image of her frothing
and flailing in that water taxi.
- [Alexis] I can still hear you!
- We love you, Alexis!
Don't we?
- We love you, Alexis!
- Tell her you're gonna bring her the juice.
- I am bringing the juice, Moira.
- John, don't touch her.
- Oh.
- This is as far as I go, Alexis.
One of us has to stay safe for David.
- I'm already in the room.
- See, we're still alive, Moira,
I think we're gonna be okay.
- Of course you are, that's the spirit.
I'm just going to close this door until you're done.
(door thudding)
(lock rattling)
Sorry.
I'm sorry.
Look at the state of this place,
it's like we're in a Mumbaian slum.
A year ago we had a staff of 25
working the grounds of our home,
and now we walk by a mattress on the side of the road,
without thinking twice about it.
- Well, the good news is that mattress
is covering up a cracked toilet seat.
- Oh, John.
John, do you remember what Goldie Hawn told us
at that Amfar dinner?
"You are the life you accept for yourself."
Those are Goldie's words.
Or something someone said to her in India.
Or perhaps she read it.
In any case, it has always stayed with me.
John, I will not accept this life.
And neither should you.
- Yeah.
- I mean, would it kill someone to plant a few peonies?
- I have a feeling if you want peonies, Moira,
you're gonna have to plant them yourself.
(Moira chuckling)
- These are dark times John, but not that dark.
- Good Morning!
- Hi, Twyla.
- I hear congratulations are in order, Mrs. Rose.
- Thank you, dear, for what?
- Oh, should I not say anything yet?
- Well, you could say something, think of it as a clue.
- Not say something about what?
- Your wife's big announcement.
- Again dear, clue!
- You running for town council.
- What, excuse me?
- You're running for town council?
- No, I'm not running for town council.
- Oh, I must've misheard.
Everyone was talking about you standing up
to council last week, so I just assumed.
- Never assume, dear, it makes an ass out of both of us.
- It's not that absurd an idea, Moira.
You know, being on town council might give you an outlet
to channel all that passion you have for this town.
- I'd sooner poke my eyes out with hat pins.
- Well, that's subtle.
- Well, I think you would make a great councilor.
- Well, the right person might be able to get
a lot done around here.
- The right person, John, wouldn't be caught dead in this...
They'd be running somewhere a little more...
- What?
- Moira.
- Okay, maybe I should say somewhere less...
- Less what?
- What's the word I'm trying to think of?
- Well, let's hope we don't find it, okay?
Are we ready to order, councilor?
- You go ahead.
(guests chattering)
They call this a candidates' breakfast?
- Well, it can't be, Moira, there's a woman in cargo shorts.
- Good morning, Mrs. Rose, here's your name tag.
- Oh, bless you, dear,
but a name tag does not go with this ensemble.
- Oh, it's just so people know who you are.
Not that people won't know,
when they see you in that outfit.
It's very shiny.
- You're too kind.
Well, I'm glad you talked me out of the mohawk.
I think these people deserve a little glamor
in their political campaign.
I was always impressed by those masquerade key parties
at the Sarkosy's.
- Hey Johnny, good morning to you.
- Roland. - How are ya?
- And Elvis!
I'm so glad you could make it.
(Roland laughing)
- Excuse me?
- Well, because you look like Elvis in that outfit there,
you know, and, but the early Elvis, not the...
- Okay Roland, stop it.
Moira, all anyone can talk about is that outfit.
You are a hit!
- Well, no one has said as such to me.
- It's just that, you know,
what you're wearing is something that people around here
aren't really used to, or comfortable with.
But that's what makes it great.
- Oh, this is going to be a fun campaign.
- Yeah, I think it already is.
(birds chirping)
(doors thudding)
Well, how's that for timing!
- What do you mean?
- We both stepped out exactly together.
- We didn't time this.
- I know we didn't time it.
- What's your point?
- That is my point!
We both stepped out, and we didn't know the other person
was stepping out, at exactly the same time.
- Yeah, why are you yelling at me right now?
- I'm just explaining the good timing of this,
when no explanation is needed.
It's just, it's the good timing, it's...
- Okay fine, I don't get it, but, whatever.
Oh my God, is that David?
(door banging)
- Oh, hey.
- David, where did you get this car?
- Oh, this car was paid for by my employer.
We felt I needed a more efficient way to get to work.
- So she bought you a car?
- It's a rental.
Do you think I'd allow someone to buy that car for me?
- Well,
this is so great.
- Thank God we have a car again.
- Very unclear on the "we" part of that sentence.
- Yeah, your brother's right, Alexis,
this is his car, not ours.
We don't have a car, and he does.
- Okay, are you okay?
- Yes, yes,
I'm just happy the Roses are moving up in the world.
- There's a button missing on your jacket.
- What? - Oh ew,
you poor thing.
(door tapping)
- Morning! - Hey!
- How are you? - Oh!
- Good morning! - Hi.
- Oh, just continue on inside.
- Well, I hope we didn't catch the two of you
with your pants down.
(Roland laughing)
- Oh.
- I'm just joking, I can see they're on.
No, we actually listened outside to make sure.
- We just brought some leftovers by.
We had a little thing at the house last night
and we didn't want all the food to go to waste, so.
- Yeah, and you know what?
We would have invited the two of you
but it was kind of a political schmooze-fest.
A lot of pressing of the flesh, and greasing of palms,
that kind of thing, you know.
- It wasn't as much fun as it sounds.
- Oh well, who wants an invitation to a big soiree
when you can be met the very next morning
with some table scraps.
- You know, people were talking about you too, Moira.
- Oh, they were talking about the other candidate?
- Yes!
You know, I can't wait for this whole thing to just be over
so we can all just hang out again.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
- Well, we are off to the bank.
We've got lots of donations that we need to deposit.
- Well, thank you, bye!
- [Jocelyn] Bye!
- Those two are not as simple minded as we thought.
- He is.
(crickets chirping)
- Oh, there's a woman in here
who couldn't afford a Persian rug,
so she painted one on her tiled floor.
The magazine is celebrating her ingenuity.
- Well, it sounds like a creative solution.
- A creative solution would be a lobotomy
to make one forget they like nice things.
It's all so bleak.
Goodnight, John.
- Sleep well, sweetheart.
♪ Don't cry out loud ♪
♪ Just keep it inside ♪
- David, could you turn that down, please?
- [David] As if you think that's what I listen to!
♪ Fly high and proud ♪
- David, Alexis, turn the music down!
- It's coming from the other side!
- What?
♪ Almost had it all ♪
♪ Don't cry out loud ♪
- Could you turn the music down, please?
♪ Just keep it inside ♪
♪ Learn how to hide your feelings ♪
(wall thudding)
- Hello?
We're trying to sleep in here!
- [Alexis] Stop yelling!
- I'm trying to turn the music down!
- [David] Stop banging on the wall!
- David, stop yelling at your father!
(wall thudding)
- Hello?
- [Alexis] Why is everybody screaming?
- Alexis, enough!
- The music's too loud!
- [David] Then get them to turn it down!
- Well, that's what I'm trying to do!
(Moira screaming)
(bell dinging)
- John!
- Oh, I was starting
to think- - I've been hijacked.
- What?
- My campaign has been hijacked.
Oh, I need some tea, Twyla?
- [John] What's going on?
- Tea? - No thank you.
- My campaign signs have gone missing.
- What?
- You had election signs?
- Yes, all of them, gone!
- Wow.
Maybe people were mowing their lawns.
- Well, it's probably just kids.
- What if there's a more sinister explanation?
- Oh, like the wind?
- I was wondering if there's someone who's thinking,
"Oh, this woman may not have many signs,
but she has myriad qualities worth voting for.
I must stop her."
- So you think the signs were stolen?
- Stolen?
Ew!
Is that what you think happened?
- Well, isn't that what you were implying?
- Who would do that?
- Well, I don't know, it's dirty pool.
You can't sabotage someone's campaign and take their signs.
- Please, please, everyone calm down.
Well, I suppose if there's a silver lining in all this,
it's that someone is intimidated enough into thinking
that I might be affecting
this town's long-established voting patterns.
(lively music)
(toast crunching)
(door thumping)
- Kids, it happens to be our anniversary today,
so it might be a nice idea
if you wished your mother a happy anniversary.
- Okay.
What would you like us to say?
- Well, you could start by saying, "Happy anniversary."
- Okay, but why are we wishing her a happy anniversary?
Isn't that something that you two
are supposed to say to each other?
- Yeah, it's called being courteous, honey.
You know, the Bloomfield kids used to throw their parents
an anniversary party every year.
- If we're truth telling, the Bloomfields
were always a little too friendly with one another.
I just don't understand
what kind of family skinny dips together.
- John, are you ready?
- Yes, sweetheart.
- Happy anniversary!
- Congratulations on your ongoing love for one another.
You did it.
- Okay kids, that's enough.
You sound like the incestuous Bloomfields.
- Have a blessed day.
(bouncy music)