(upbeat music)
- Tonight's question is
what is the coolest way to murder someone?
I'm Katie Marovitch and today I'm joined by Rekha Shankar.
- Hello.
- Adam Conover.
- Hey!
- And Raphael Chestang.
- Hello.
- Raphael, we'll begin with you.
- My first answer is boxing match.
I think it would very cool
to kill someone in a boxing match.
You would be very strong.
It's in front of a lot of people, totally legal.
Even if you died in it, you'd be a martyr.
That's pretty cool.
And you go out young and healthy and strong.
If you're the murderer,
no one can call you a coward
for killing someone in a boxing match.
- Do a lot of murderers get called cowards?
- All the time, every day it happens.
- And it's interesting, you both get to be cool.
- It's a win-win for everyone.
I mean, you do die, but--
- Is it legal?
- Yeah.
- Has it happened in history?
Has someone died in a boxing match?
- It happened in Pulp Fiction.
- It has happened in movies! - Oh, I know the one.
- I'm pretty sure it's happened in real life.
I'm almost positive.
- Yeah.
Did anybody go to jail? - It seems like it.
- I mean, I can't imagine, right?
- Did you do no research for this?
- No, I didn't.
I did zero research.
- So are you, like, beating a person to death
or are you, like, somehow doctoring your gloves?
- In my mind, if you use anything extra,
then that's cowardly and no longer cool.
It's a totally fair boxing match.
It was just you punched so hard.
- Wow. - Yeah.
- That another professional boxer.
- Right. - Yes.
- [Raphael] Could not take your punch.
- Yeah, 'cause they would stop you if you, like,
punched him for a long time.
- Exactly. - You'd have to have
a single punch that's so powerful, their head evaporates.
- Yes.
- A third level of cool I see is that this person,
who's the murderer, ends up being very good
at what they do just by training so hard.
- Does the other boxer know it's a fight to the death?
- No, no, no, no.
No, nobody knows it's a fight to the death,
not even the guy who does the killing.
- Not even the manager?
- If you're the murderer, you punch the person,
and you punch them so hard,
just their head deflates like an old basketball.
And then you just, like, oops, Too good at boxing!
(laughing)
And that's your alibi?
Like, I didn't know I was so strong.
- Adam, please tell us your first idea.
- My idea is poisonous cannibal.
You, the murderer, take a very very strong poison,
with, like, a long half-life.
You somehow trick the person into eating your dead body
after you die, and then because your flesh is poisoned,
they die as a result of eating your poisoned flesh.
- So two people die?
- First of all, I feel like it's very fair
that if you kill someone, you should die too
'cause you shouldn't ask someone to do something
you wouldn't do yourself. - Right.
- Yes.
How do you think you could trick someone into eating you?
- The only idea I've had so far, or the best idea I've had,
is that if you were to take the poison, right?
And then, like, fall into a big, like vat.
You know what I mean? - Oh, like a soup.
- You take it and you like fall backwards
into a vat of soup, or a chili.
- Soup!
A soup death!
You could kill so many people.
- So many people. - Yeah, yeah.
I don't wanna kill dozens of people, but you could
with this method if you wanted.
But ideally, you'd have a confederate, an accomplice
in the soup plant, who's gonna make one can of that,
and then throw the rest away,
'cause if you don't wanna kill other people,
but that's up to you at that point.
- Right.
I think that soup is a cool death.
- Mm-hm.
- Because I imagine the poison doesn't kill you,
but the soup, being hot, kills you?
- I mean, I personally would take the poison
and then be dead before I hit the soup because--
- Oh, got it, okay.
- I've always heard that boiling is
an extraordinarily painful way to die.
You could also take the poison
and then ask someone to butcher you and chop you up,
and then prepare you
and then you've got a whole system to be cooked into food.
- Make a burger out of you.
- But then, that relies on a lot of work
from your accomplice.
They really have to deal with a lot of mess.
That might be emotionally difficult for them
'cause they probably know you pretty well.
I don't think that's very cool
to put another person through that.
So that's why fall back into the soup,
and then hopefully it's a a beef stew.
- Yes. - Yes.
- It's ropa vieja perhaps.
It's a slow braise soup,
so that your body disintegrates.
Someone would have to come by with like a fork
and just sorta, pull, you know what I mean?
Like you do. - Like a pulled pork.
- Yeah, like a pulled pork, exactly.
But that's all that they would have to do.
- That's so true.
- And your clothes would have to be taken out afterwards,
but that's no different from a bay leaf.
- Yeah!
- Well, can't you just be naked?
- Oh.
(laughing)
You could be naked!
- Perfect!
Rekha?
- My idea is Spiky Sunglasses.
- Ooh! - Okay?
When you think of cool,
I think of those little drawings you made of the sun
growing up that had little sunglasses on it.
We all did it. - Yes.
- You think of rebels.
You think of older brothers and things,
and they all have sunglasses on in my head.
I don't know about your heads.
And I think if you wanna kill someone and make
them look cool, you stick a pair of spikes
on the back of their sunglasses.
They put them on-- - Oh, shit!
- Do they not see the spikes when they're--
- No.
- Okay.
- I believe them to be prescription sunglasses,
so that by the time they're on,
that's when they can see but then truly they can't, right?
- Oh my god!
- No!
They could also be like,
they could be like a monofilament, like, nano material.
So they're like, just like the spikes are so thin,
that you'd really only need one.
Like one needle, and then you put and you go. (screams)
- This would go through your brain.
- I can't handle the thinking about it.
- Yeah, yeah. - Because it's so cool.
- It's so cool!
- They'd leave a cool corpse,
the last thing they would have done would be
they'd probably have said something cool,
like looks like his goose was cooked. (screams)
- It's definitely some sort of punny sign off,
and then everyone around them goes like
fuck, he looked so cool.
- And then the next CSI guy
looks like he got too much sunglasses. (screams)
And then he goes too. - Yes, it keeps happening!
- And they keep doing it
because they keep wanting to look cool
and they're not noticing the pattern
of everybody's eyes bleeding.
- Yes.
- My first idea is car crash train wreck.
There's a high speed chase.
You're in one car, your enemies are in the other car.
You shoot out all four of their tires,
and they're going so fast that they ram into a guard rail,
full speed, and they flip flip flip over it, and down.
And they land on train tracks.
And a train comes by and just further destroys them.
So they're super dead.
- Mm.
- Pretty cool.
- How do you engineer this as the murderer?
It sounds like an accident. - It's not an accident.
You know the train guy, and you have planned out
the exact moment you will shoot those little tires out.
Baby, you know how it's, you've done this before.
- It's a little geometry problem
'cause you're just like okay it'll tumble down at this angle
at this velocity, it'll reach here at this time.
- You're smart and that's cool.
Being good at math is very, very cool.
- No, it's cool.
If this happened in a movie, that would be the part
where people would be like. (screaming and clapping)
- Yes!
Yes.
When I came up with this, I was just like
what are the coolest things in the universe?
And that would be cars, train wrecks.
(laughing)
- [Rekha] Guard rails.
- And guard rails, and shooting tires.
- I'm just picturing, like a Michael Bane movie.
If you shoot the front tires of the car,
it usually causes the back of the car
to lift off the ground-- - Shoot those!
- So you shoot the front and it goes (imitates explosion)
and the car like, flips over.
You ever see that happen for no reason?
- Yeah, yeah. - Yes.
- That's what I want to have happen.
I want the car to just flip around a lot.
- Yeah, that's pretty cool.
- That's it for this preview of The Rank Room!
If you enjoyed it, I have fantastic news.
There's a lot more of it over on Dropout,
so go to dropout.tv and start your free trial today!
(upbeat music)
Okay, I said go!
(laughs)
Okay, fine, stay.
Go!
- Now, the ring of fire blazes in front of you...
- Oh, there's the ring of fire.
- It's a stunt race.