♪ (old-school video game music) ♪
- "God of War: Remastered."
Oh, it's a game thing.
- "God of War." Oh [bleep]. These are some evil-looking things.
- You know, this doesn't look like a good day to have a picnic.
- (Finebros) This game is the third of the series
and loosely based on Greek mythology.
In this one, Zeus' son, the former god of war,
is continuing his mission to open Pandora's box
and end the reign of the Olympian gods.
- Does he know what's in Pandora's box?
- That's great 'cause it does teach a little bit of history
along with, you know, having the fun of playing the game.
- My grandchildren know a lot more about Greek and Roman mythology
than I do because of games like this.
- There's gonna be some blood, there's gonna be some carnage,
and there's gonna be some war.
Let the wars begin.
- I am just awful at games, so this oughta be terrific.
- (Zeus) My brothers, we were forged in victory,
a victory that ended the Great War
and brought forth the reign of Mount Olympus.
- Mount Olympus or the-- oh, that's beautiful.
- (Zeus) ...measure of strength and power.
(blood splatters) (startled gasp)
- (sternly) Hey. Hey now.
- (Zeus) The mortal, Kratos, seeks to destroy all that I have wrought.
- Hoo! Electric man.
- Oh wow.
- (Zeus) ...put aside the petty grievances-- - Check out those big guys.
- I think they're Titans.
- (Zeus) We will unite.
We will stand together-- - Wow, the graphics.
- Uh, I dunno. Is this a rock? - (Zeus) I will wipe out this plague
- Or is that a tree?
- (Zeus) Olympus will prevail!
♪ (dramatic music) ♪
- This must be the Mount Olympus gods.
- Uh, were-- were they the Village People?
- That must be Zeus. (Hades growls)
I have no idea who this guy is.
- (Kratos) Zeus! Your son has returned.
(flames rage) I bring destruction of Olympus!
- Yeah! He's gonna destroy Olympus!
- Oh! Whoa-- oh, oh, what's that?
- (Zeus) The Titans will fail again. - Oh.
♪ (dramatic music) ♪ (Cursed Remains snarl)
- Oh, where do I go?
- Now I'm playing, huh?
- So I need to move? (Cursed Remains snarl)
- What am I doing? I'm trying to attack people?
- Jump, try that. Ah-ha! Ha ha! Oh-ho!
I'll get away.
(slashing sword) - Yeah, yeah. Don't mess with me.
- (anxiously) Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
(Kratos grunts) - I'm doing pretty good, huh?
- (reproachfully) Oh, this is bad. Look at all that.
Who's gonna clean up all these bodies?
- Aah!
- For Heaven's s-- It's amazing.
I should just be totally bleeding out right now.
(loud thud) - We gotta-- oh! Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho.
Okay. Ha ha ha ha ha! I got it.
- All right, I'm taking them down. Yeah!
Come on, mess with the best, you die like the rest.
- (anxiously) Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!
(Kratos grunts viciously) Ooh, that's fun! That's fun.
- I don't know. These people are losing a lot of blood.
Do they have a triage unit anywhere?
(Kratos grunts) - Where did everybody go?
- (Finebros) You killed them.
- (chuckling) Good.
- (Pandora) Free me!
♪ (choir sings) ♪ - Uh-oh.
(rocks crumble)
- Oh, she blew out the fire. That's cool.
(flames whoosh)
- Okay, press-- oh, I've got more
of these guys to fight off. Damn.
- "Press R2 to use magic." (Kratos grunts)
- (squeals) That was so cool!
(Kratos grunts) ♪ (dramatic music) ♪
- Boy, that got him. Ha ha!
- I have to move the tree? Okay, so... will that work?
No? What moves the tree?
- Use R? Where's R? I don't know where R is.
- Ah, this top here?
- (whispering) Oh god. Okay, go--
(Kratos grunts) Okay, hit Circle.
(Kratos grunts)
(grunts along)
- He's gonna get a hernia, you know? (chuckles)
- Pick it up! (laughs)
- Get it up! You can do it! Come on!
WITH ALL YOUR MIGHT! Shove it!
- There we go, there we go. I've got it. All right.
(button mashing) (Kratos grunts)
(sigh of relief)
♪ (dramatic music) ♪ - Now what do I do?
- All right, now we gotta go that way.
- All right, there's only three of you?
(rocks crumble) Foolish.
Oh! There's a big boy.
(rocks crumble) - (anxiously) Oh! Whoa, oh!
- Ooh! Ooh! Ugly people.
- Aah! Where did that guy come from?
(ground rumbles) What is this?
- He don't look like he's on my side.
- A dragon thing or a-- no, is that a horse?
- Now what do I do?
- Oh, I gotta fight it?
(slashing sword) - I can smell your bad breath!
Here, eat that!
- I'm gonna drown. (chuckles)
- Okay, get real close and then get him.
(Leviathan groans) Closer.
- Aaaah! Oh, good, I hurt him.
- What? Uh-oh.
(Leviathan shrieks) Okay.
Yeah, he's hanging on a rock-- a cliff-- upside down.
- Now they're all upside down. I don't know how that happened.
- I could still hang upside down and hit these people.
I'm something.
- Yeah! Yeah! Ah, that's it.
Kick his butt! (laughs raucously) Aah, watch out!
- It's hard to see. Where am I?
(battle cries) - Oh, I'm on his arm. On his wrist.
(gasps) God!
- He's bigger than me. It's no fair.
- He's just hanging on and he's kinda, like, swinging in it.
I keep pushing this button but it doesn't seem to have the same effect.
- If I could just get him in the teeth.
(Kratos grunts) Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
I got blood. Aah, you go for it.
Here, try that. Ah-ha-ha-ha!
(laughing) This is amazing!
- Come on, let's go get him. Let's go get him. Come on.
(Leviathan roars) He's gotta be going down sooner or later.
(rushing water)
- Okay, I got a shower.
- Now try this guy. Try that. Try to take some of that.
- What if he can get out of the way?
Yeah, yeah, the other way there. Okay, now!
(rushing water)
Boy, he's got one big bad breath.
I think, uh-- "You are dead."
X. Okay, okay. Let's go.
Let's get in close this time.
He's tough to get close to.
(Leviathan shrieks) Ah-ha!
- (Finebros) Now press Circle. - Press who?
- (Finebros) Circle. Circle.
(Kratos grunts) Ah-ha!
- Uh... (Kratos grunts)
- Okay, Circle. (Kratos grunts)
- Where?
(slashing sword) (Leviathans shrieks)
(Kratos grunts) (Leviathan shrieks)
- (Finebros) Oh, you missed the Square.
- Oh! Goddamn-- that was really exciting.
(Kratos grunts) (Leviathan shrieks)
- Oh man. Come on.
Aah, aah. Uh-oh.
(takes deep breath) That was hard.
- Now I hit Square.
Oh, I see. So when you see it, you hit it.
Okay, good.
- Oh! Oh! Oh! Release the Kraken!
- Oh, I see. Yeah, you just keep hitting that one.
(Kratos grunts)
- He's gonna pull his teeth. That should hurt.
- He ripped out-- oh, I ripped that bottom jaw.
Okay, that's what I'm talking about.
- Yeah! Ooh, he's bleedin'.
Ha! Ha! I like your blood.
I'll eat your blood!
- Oh, okay. Oh, there you go.
(Kratos grunts) (sword slices)
(sigh of relief)
- Mount Olympus. Oh, I'm tired.
(exhales)
- (grumbles) Yeah, I need rest, babe. I need a break.
- How come he won't go up?
He's just fartin' around here. (laughing)
Up, up, up.
- Let's see if I can get up here.
There we go. Now we're movin'.
(Kratos grunts) ♪ (dramatic music) ♪
- Now up again? (Kratos grunts)
(gasps) Oh! Oh, that's so cool.
- There we go. Finally got there.
Oh, what's this cool thing?
- "Press and hold R1 to open chest."
Oh, I gotta open that darn chest, huh?
- R1. R1. Open chest.
Open. Open chest. Open Sesame.
- R1.
(Kratos grunts) Uh-oh.
- Ooh.
- "Green is for heath, blue is for magic, and red is for experience."
- Wait, do I go around this edge here?
"Traverse along the ledge." Okay.
- Traversing-- okay, this is good.
Oh! Hey, it's really helpful when--
Uh-oh! Big boy's coming. Let's keep traversing.
- (anxiously) Oh! Oh! - (Pandora) Kratos!
- No, it's not that guy back again, is it?
- Every time when it vibrates this creature comes up.
- Uh-oh! I'm on a ledge. How could you be so inconsiderate?
- There's three more of these-- four, five... looks like six
of these skeleton dudes.
- Get ready to die! (Kratos grunts)
- (straining) Aah. (button mashes)
(Kratos grunts) Did I get them all?
Oops-- oh, he got a wing. There you go.
- Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh, kill him. Kill him.
- Up, up. Not somersaulting.
You wanna go up.
Oh-ho! Okay.
- Keep climbing. You gotta go up. Mount Olympus is at the top.
Oh, uh-oh, I think I'm almost there.
(Kratos grunts) - Up, go up.
- Top of the world and you meet Mr. Big Ugly again!
- Oh! Another horsey-spider.
- Ah-- oh, this is killing me! Oh! Uh-oh.
Help me. Oh no.
- "Hold after jumping to glide." (Leviathan growls)
Hold X.
Aaaand glide, baby, glide!
Glide, oh no!
♪ (dramatic music) ♪
- Aah!
- Why are these wings jumping out, showing that you have the possibility
of being airborne, and then he doesn't go anywhere?
- I want to go that way and go one, two!
Okay, I did it. Come on! Come on.
There you go.
- Yeah, okay-- good, good, good.
- Oh! (humming to music)
There we go.
- Okay, now I'm going in the temple... or whatever this is.
- (hushed) Circle.
Oh, oh, oh.
I went the wrong way though right here.
Walk. Easy-- no, no. Just walk.
Easy... you gotta have all your marbles together
and mine are just all mushed up right now.
(laughing)
(button mashing)
- It's, like, giving strength.
- Oops, why is it shiny? Oh, that's ice?
Okay, I'll slip and fall and break my hip.
- Uh-oh, here comes-- uh-oh.
I've got company, a centaur.
- Turn around. (centaur growls)
(hoofbeats) - Is he on my side? No, he's not.
He's trying to kill me. (Kratos grunts)
- Oh no, he just shish kabobed me.
(Kratos grunts) - Ooh, he's really got me, man.
I've been doing really well up to this point.
- Cut his head off. Yep, yep.
No, no-- his head!
- And this to jump. (centaur growls)
All right, now we'll do this.
All right, there we go. Oh, these guys.
I'm sick of these guys!
- Get him in the tummy. Get him in the tummy.
Slice his tummy open!
- How come I can't get this horse man?
- Uh, R2. R2, okay.
♪ (choir sings) ♪
- Come on. That centaur won't go down. He's a tough booger.
- Come on. Here, jump.
Jump, jump, jump, jump, jump.
Ooh, Circle. Circle.
Hooah! You think you scare me?
Huh? Huh? Is that all you got?!
(centaur groans)
- I'll get you. GET HIM! (Kratos grunts)
(centaur shrieks) - Oh, you ripped him a new one!
- That nailed him.
Uh-oh, here's a sword in stone, maybe. Or a lever.
- Okay, go over to that handle. Pull that lever.
(Kratos grunts) - Oh!
(laughing) Oh, R2 instead.
- Yeah! Yeah, yeah.
Mmm, mmm.
And... and... something else is happening.
- All right, it's coming down, it's coming down.
- Jump, jump.
♪ (choir sings) ♪ Okay-- oh my god, I missed it!
- I missed it?
Oh, I'm supposed to get on here.
- Okay, now what? (laughing)
- I gotta go pull the lever again.
(sighs) Oh god, you're killing me, guys.
You're wearing me out here.
- Come on.
(strained) Ooh.
- Come on, get up there.
- And up, and up, and-- and-- and over!
- Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh.
(frustrated sigh)
- Oh no.
All right.
- This is hard work, playing a video game.
- Oh, pushing the wrong one. Lift, lift, lift, lift.
(sighs) Ah, I got it open.
Okay, now this guy?
I have to go with this big guy again.
(blood splatters) Circle!
I'm dead.
- No-ho! (chuckles) I'm too young to die!
(blood splatters) - Oh, what happened?
"You are dead." Let me try one more time.
- Okay, so now run up to the gate where the light is.
Okay, now... (Leviathan growls)
- What do I-- oh, oh.
(Kratos grunts)
- Come on, come on. Aah!
(button mashes) (Kratos grunts)
(slashing sword)
- That's the big spike thing.
- Uh-oh, uh-oh. (anxiously) Ooh!
- I'm not getting anywhere. I don't see myself.
Oh, here we go.
- Gosh, there's a lot of buttons on this thing.
Okay, toast him now.
- Get in there.
You gotta whack off some of those lobster claws.
- This thing. Does this thing work?
Yeah, okay.
♪ (dramatic music) ♪ - Come on, come on.
Do something here.
- Let's try this big bruiser.
That's not working. This big bruiser.
- Oh, that's the magic! That's pretty cool.
Get it-- get it in that guy's head there.
- You may win, I'm not going down without a fight.
- Oh yeah, Circle.
- Circle.
- Ha! Ha! Oh-ho-ho-ho!
♪ (dramatic music) ♪ (Kratos grunts)
-Triangle.
- Come on, there we go.
Get that claw before it gets me.
- Left! Square, Square, Square.
Square. Square-- Circle, Circle!
- (laughing) Oh my god!
(Kratos grunts) Oh! Oh.
- Ooh! There's a part. We're getting somewhere.
- There you go. Circle.
- Oh-- L1, R1, L1, R1.
- L1, R1, L1, L1, L1, R1.
Did I break him in half?
I pushed open his chest.
- Oh, and you gotta-- his toes got a glowy dude on it.
- Okay, let me throw that into him.
- (laughing raucously) Through his heart with his own claw.
You are so toast! You are finished.
- It's almost like a vampire.
You know, with spare arrow into it.
- You gotta hand it to them. That was an neat trick.
- Well, I knocked the dragon off the cliff,
but this guy is my friend.
Why didn't he just brush him off with his big old hand?
- (Finebros) Okay, we're going to stop the game there for today.
- Oh, goody. I was getting tired.
- Thank god. (sighs) That wore me out.
- That, uh-- that-- (clears throat)-- that's a tough game.
- I'm not much for game playing for a very long time,
but I'd come back to it a little later
and play it some more and have fun with it.
- This is a game that I might play, say, with my grandson
or something like that.
I might actually play it with him because real things
aren't being killed.
- A little too much blood maybe, you know,
but that's what these games are about, I guess.
But it was-- (splutters) I would love to play more.
- Thanks for watching us elders game on the React channel.
- What game should we go war with next?
Put it in the comments.
- Think you're a god of war? Hit the like button.
- By the beard of Zeus, subscribe to this channel already!
- Bye, guys, we'll see you next time.
♪ (old-school video game music) ♪