On this episode of China Uncensored,
The Pope appoints new state-approved bishops in China.
And they have a secret.
The Chinese military is building a secret new super gun.
But they kinda want you to know about it, too.
And who says you can’t have a national ski team,
just because you don’t have any skiiers.
Or snow.
This is China Uncensored.
Hi, welcome to China Uncensored,
I’m your host Chris Chappell.
Pope Francis is being praised by my favorite
Chinese state-run media, the Global Times,
for his wisdom.
That wisdom apparently involves
selling out Chinese Catholics
by giving in to the demands
of the atheist Chinese Communist Party.
According to a senior Vatican source speaking to Reuters,
“A framework accord between the Vatican and China
on the appointment of bishops is ready
and could be signed in a few months.”
We’ve covered how the Pope recently
asked two Chinese bishops to either retire
or step aside for two other bishops
approved of by the Chinese Communist Party.
And yes,
one of them had been excommunicated.
But I guess he’s being...re-communicated.
And now, there’s a total of 7
Chinese state-approved bishops
the Pope is considering approving.
Two of them apparently have families.
Look, I know what you’re thinking:
Catholic bishops aren’t supposed to be married.
Well, don’t worry.
They’re not.
They just have just mistresses.
And deep in the Pacific Ocean,
the Chinese regime is placing acoustic sensors.
They “could be used to study oceans”...
and definitely not anything else.
Those acoustic listening devices
are in no way related to the nearby
US military base in Guam.
Neither are they some kind of attempt
to track foreign ships.
So don’t even go there.
And in a totally unrelated matter,
the Philippines has changed its mind
about joint undersea exploration with China.
I mean yes,
the Philippines and China have competing claims
to territory in the South China Sea,
but this is a perfectly friendly decision.
But, you know,
the Philippines will also “chase off foreign ships
conducting research in its territorial waters.”
Yeah, foreign ships.
From any country.
That includes China.
And in another a totally unrelated matter,
China might be testing the world’s first
ship-mounted rail gun.
A rail gun is an electromagnetic weapon
with the power to sink a warship
and the precision to shoot down a satellite.
For scientific purposes of course.
The US is also testing rail guns.
Those can fire a round at about 5,000 miles per hour
hitting a target almost 100 miles away.
The catch—each round costs about million dollars.
But rail guns aren’t the only weapons that are a threat.
North Korea is now just a few months away
from being able to hit the US with a nuke.
And it seems nuclear proliferation
is making a comeback everywhere!
I read it in the New York Times Style section.
According to U.S. disarmament ambassador Robert Wood,
China and Russia are also pushing nuclear development.
You get a nuke!
Everybody gets a nuke!
This comes shortly after a statement by the Pentagon
that China and Russia are becoming a greater threat
than Islamic terrorism.
But the Pentagon is known
for making the occasional snafu.
In a report about the China nuclear threat,
they may have referred to Taiwan
as a part of China…
Let’s just hope they don’t nuke the wrong country...
slash region.
And Mercedes-Benz has also just made a huge mistake.
They published an Instagram post with a quote
from that “wolf in monk’s robes,”
the Dalai Lama.
In response, Chinese state-run media
decided to maintain a dignified silence
on the issue.
Just kidding.
Again.
They called Mercedes an enemy
of the Chinese people.
After an outcry from Chinese customers,
Mercedes apologized.
Twice.
They also replaced the ad with this new one.
What’s that, Shelley?
That’s not a real Mao quote?!
I guess Mercedes-Benz
is going to have to issue
a third apology.
In other news,
Sweden has been having bad luck
when it comes to keeping its citizens
from being abducted by Chinese authorities.
So the Swedish government has taken a novel approach
that no one else seems to try anymore.
Calling China out.
They’re condemning the brutal detention of Gui Minhai,
who is a Swedish citizen.
This is what Sweden’s foreign minister had to say:
“Mmm bork bork bork!”
Truly scathing words.
Ok, the foreign minister called it
a “brutal intervention”
and demand Gui Minhai be released.
Gui Minhai was “picked up by plainclothes agents
on January 20th as he travelled on a train to Beijing
with two Swedish diplomats.”
I feel like the diplomats should have intervened.
But I guess that wouldn’t have been
very diplomatic, would it?
Gui Minhai was one of the Hong Kong booksellers
who had in the past been detained for publishing
controversial books about Chinese leader Xi Jinping.
He spent two years in detention,
even though—again—
he is a Swedish citizen.
The Chinese Communist Party
doesn’t really recognize dual citizenship.
And finally, do you like skiing?
Doesn’t matter.
When the government calls on you
to like something,
you had better like it!
The Chinese Communist Party has decided
China should do better in the Winter Olympics,
since it’s going to be held in Beijing
just four years from now.
So the Party is pushing
“300 million people into winter sports by [2022]
with at least 800 ski resorts,
nearly double the current number.”
And if there’s no snow on those mountains—
because it barely snows in Beijing—
no problem!
They’ll just load it up with fake snow.
Because even though skiing is just a sport,
that doesn’t mean you don’t have to be
miserable doing it.
That’s this week’s biggest China headlines!
Leave your comments below.
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Once again I’m your host Chris Chappell.
See you next time.
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