Hi guys. Welcome back to my channel. I hope you're doing really well. Today, I thought I would do
something a little bit different and just sit down, chat to you guys about my top 10 regrets in
motherhood. Now that sounds quite negative, but I'm not just going to sit here and moan about
things that I did. This is more like if I went back in time, did it all again,
I would probably do these things differently or I kind of wish I'd known these things. So hopefully
it'll be like interesting and a bit of advice if you are a new mom or if you're pregnant as well.
And I actually saw Delilah do this video. She's got the channel LoeppkysLife. She's adorable and
she made a video like this, and I found it really interesting it because the regrets that she has in
motherhood were different to mine. So I'm sure it's different for everyone, so it might just be
an interesting conversation. And I'd be interested to know if you have any regrets from being a mom,
put them in the comments down below. I'd be interested to read those,
whether it was at the new mom stage or just at any point. I think we can all kind of like all learn
from each other. So hopefully this would just be like a chilled chatty video, get cup of tea.
My first motherhood regret is giving birth on my back to my first son. I had him
like you see in the movies just laying down in a hospital bed. But in doing that,
I actually broke my tailbone or coccyx while I was giving birth to him. Now this is very
rare and it's unlikely to happen to you guys so please don't freak out, but I still wish that I
had known that was more likely to happen because it's something that I still suffer from today.
He's 11 years old, but even now if I sit on a hard chair for like 20 minutes, I find it very
difficult to get back up. Like the pain is so intense. I have no pain if I'm running around
or standing up. It's really only when I sit down for a long period of time. So I might actually
get a standing desk. But anyway, I had him on my back and when it came to the pushing parts of the
labor, like I had a very textbook labor. When I was pushing, he him out, he just was not coming. I
was pushing for over an hour and the midwife said to me, "That if he doesn't come out in the next
two pushes, I've got to get the doctor in here." So in saying that, I pushed like I'd never pushed
before. I actually pushed him through my tailbone and I didn't know that you can actually damage,
bruise, fracture or even dislocate your coccyx or tailbone when you're giving birth. And it's even
worse if you're on your back. So in my subsequent births, I had them on all fours or standing up,
which was much better because I've actually got a tilted pelvis. So especially if you have a tilted
pelvis, do not give birth on your back because it's still something that is painful even now.
Second regret is not being more assertive or sticking up for myself enough, especially when
I had my first baby. I was 27 when I had my first son so I wasn't a very young mom, but still it was
all very new to me. So when people would tell me things or health professionals would tell me
things, because it was all new I kind of just like go with what they said and kind of agree
even if deep down I knew it didn't feel right to like in my gut. Even when went into labor
with my first son, I really felt like things were happening. And we went to the hospital,
but they were like, "Oh, it's your first baby. Like go home, have a bath, chill out."
But I knew that it was happening. So anyway, we went home, but of course he was coming.
So in the end we had to get an ambulance out to come and see us and then come back again.
But so I wish even from like then, I wish I had refused to leave the hospital. And also when he
was young and we'd have like health visitor appointments. Sometimes things were said,
and I think actually I should have gone. Well, no, actually that's not the case. I actually
had one health professional I'll never forget it say to me when he was seven months old, I said,
"I was still breastfeeding him and it was going really well." And I was like super proud of that.
But she said, "If I'd carried on breastfeeding after seven months that I was only doing it for
myself and not for my son." And I knew like that the World Health Organization recommended a year.
So I wish I'd kind of just like stuck up for myself more. And obviously with my second
and third child, I was more sure of myself. My next regret is a big one. I wish I hadn't
become so sleep obsessed, especially with my first son. And actually having a routine is one thing
that I think I did quite well from eight weeks with all the boys, I had a good routine for them
more from my sanity than anyone else's. But with my first, I definitely paid too much
attention to the naps. Like the nighttime sleep was always like not as big a problem,
but when I had my first son, I read the Gina Ford book and her routine was to make sure
that they were napping in their cots every day. And I can't tell you how many times I was out
and about rushing home to get him in his cot or waiting outside his room
for him to fall asleep in his cot, and he probably wasn't even that tired. So although sleep and a
routine is really important, I don't think it really matters where they have their nap.
And I know people would disagree with that. With my second and third children because I was doing
the school runs and I was busy and running around, they would just have to nap in the
buggy sometimes or have to nap in their car seats if we were driving somewhere and they were fine.
Well, the thing is with naps, they end. All of my children stopped napping at three years old.
Whereas when I was in it, I felt like everything kind of revolved around this nap time, but it
actually finishes. So if it's in the buggy, don't worry, like they're not going to nap forever.
My next regret is having too many visitors come and see me when I had a very new baby. When we
had Fraser, he was the first baby out of all of our friends. He was the first baby on both
sides of the family. So obviously everyone was super excited and wanted to meet him and
would come round. But obviously him being the first as well, people didn't really have that
much experience with babies and maybe with how I was recovering and stuff. So I just found it all
very stressful and it was a bit too much. You're kind of in pain, you're healing,
but then you're also trying to make coffees and have biscuits available for people. So I
wish I had just chilled out on letting people come round. And, of course, I did that with the second
and the third. But I would say if you ever go and visit a new mom, my top tip is just bring food,
bring so much food. Like homemade is even better, but if not like you can get really nice posh
ready meals that you could bring. Definitely text before you visit a new mom and ask them what they
need because they will need something. And then they get the opportunity to say too actually, "Can
you get bread? Can you get milk? Can you get like something bringing like pastries or fat snacks
to make their breast milk have more calories?" Just little things like that. Also, if you visit
a new mom, offer to hold the baby. If they want to go have a shower or have a sleep, I think things
like that. I just found it really overwhelming that I was having to host and be a new
mom and leave the room to breastfeed. I was quite unsure of myself. So yeah, that is a regret. I
just found it all a bit like whoa too much. My next regret is worrying way too much.
I know that all new moms probably worry and are a bit anxious anyway. I think we've all
been there when your baby's asleep and you really should be sleeping, but you can't
stop checking that they're breathing and stuff like that. But I would just worry about things
in the future. I'd worry about losing baby weight. I'd worry about what people thought.
I'd worry about me and Matt's relationship. I'd worry about the fact that I'd never sleep again.
I just actually really got worked up. And looking back like at the time I would've
never said that I had any kind of postpartum anxiety, because I was loving motherhood so much.
But actually looking back there were points, I don't know if it's like sleep deprivation or
worse, but I would have visions of things happening. Say I'd be like walking along.
I never forget when Caleb was a new baby and Fraser was like on his scooter in front of me
and white van drove past. I'd have visions that the van would open up and just take
Fraser and things like ... You know I just went into like some kind of overdrive and I
really do regret that I think, "Oh, I wasted so much like time and worry." So if you're in that
phase just know that it does get better. My next regret is doing things too early,
especially again with my first son, poor Fraser. But I feel like when you have one baby,
I was just so excited. So every time he got to that next stage,
I wanted to do it. So like as soon as he hit like a weaning stage, I was so excited to wean him.
So encouraging for his first step. So excited to potty train him. Like I was definitely just moving
him on so quickly. And with my second and third child, I was way more chill. I didn't start potty
training the other two boys until they were like nearly three, whereas Fraser at two years old,
I was like, "Come on. Let's get sitting on the potty and like practicing and stuff."
So I wish again I had chilled a little bit with that, but Fraser is very forward,
but I don't know if he's like forward because I was pushing him or if I did those things because
he was forward if that makes sense. But all I would say is if you have a young be and you are
at that stage and you're like trying to bring them on or you're worrying that they're not
matching the milestones of other like peers or children around them, just chill. Because like
Matt always jokes, "No one is going to ask them in a job interview when they're older,
'Oh, sorry, what age did you potty train at? When did you start eating solid food?'" Like all these
little things they're actually they're not really that important in the grand scheme of things.
Next regret is not trusting my instincts enough in those early days. Like not trusting that gut
feeling is definitely something that I do now a lot, because our bodies give us signals should
not be ignored. We're wired in a way with our children to comfort them to meet their needs.
So when your baby starts crying and you actually start just leaking milk because your body's like
already trying to comfort them. It's actually so clever how it all works. When my baby would cry,
my heart would go because just would want to meet its needs. So there's so much probably science
behind it. So if I ever have a gut feeling or something doesn't feel right, I have to
trust that feeling. I hope that makes sense. Next one is a big one and that is I wish I
hadn't compared myself to others so much. There's so much good and going to baby groups and making
mom friends, but then of course you talk and you compare and it can be quite toxic.
So I wish I just didn't that much with my first son. Obviously with the others
I didn't. I felt quite sure of myself by then, but everyone has different parenting styles. Everyone
has different family circumstances as well. So really you just need to do
what works for you, what feels right for your family. Because if you are happy,
then everybody's happy. Like everyone stands to benefit from that. So definitely don't compare
yourself to other moms if they're doing something that you are not. Don't feel like you should be
unless you think it would benefit you. Next regret is I wish I had been a little
bit better at accepting help, especially with our first son. All of my family lives abroad.
So maybe if they had been here, I would've found it easier to accept help to let them
in to let them hold the baby while I showered and stuff like that. But I just had this overwhelming
feeling like I as the mother should be doing absolutely everything, but actually that's insane.
Like that is crazy. And sometimes I'd even find it hard to let Matt do anything. Like if I'd feed
Fraser, I'd even find it difficult to hand him over to be burped by Matt.
So I don't know if it was just me and I'm much better at it now, but I wish I had let more people
like have him for an hour or even come in and like clean or like help me out around the house.
I don't know why, but I just felt like as the mom I should be able to do absolutely everything
and I don't know where that comes from. But if you are in that season of your life, know it's
okay to accept help and it will also pass. And another big regret for me, especially
in early motherhood was losing my identity. I'm sure this happens to so many people, but when I
had my first baby like it was something I had wanted for so long. I'd always wanted to be a
mom. It felt like this massive moment. But before I had babies, my job was a big part of my identity
and my social life as well. So then when I had a little baby and my whole world just revolved
around them and work stopped, and social life stopped. I definitely lost my identity
a little bit and I think that could have been avoided if I had carried on with a few hobbies,
if I had made myself meet up with friends. If I had had adult conversations every single day.
Like I think there was a few things I could have done to help me not lose my identity and actually
this YouTube channel, which I started when my second son was six months old. I really feel
like it saved me. I kind of started this channel because I was feeling really isolated at home
with two very young children. I had like a nearly three-year-old and a newborn. And I was just like,
obviously not like doing my normal day job. I was barely seeing Matt because he was super busy and
I always felt like came home after work and he had all these stories about what he got up to,
I felt like I had like not much to say. So I think if you can carry on with some hobbies,
some self-care, if you can get out and see friends or even just talk on the phone to an adult it
would just really help you to kind of keep that identity. And I definitely have it back now.
But yeah, kind of regret just like stopping everything and just being like, "Right, baby."
Those are all of my regrets. But now I did want to share with you just a handful of things that
if I did go back in time, I would do again because actually they were really helpful
and really useful. The first one, which I've made loads of videos about so you can go and
watch that. If you're pregnant, I would highly recommend hypnobirthing. It made such a difference
to my labor and deliveries. It really, really did help me.
The second tip is I educated myself a lot. I like to research and read books. I know it's
not for everyone and I do think you probably can read too much sometimes, but I'm so glad that I
knew what development milestones were coming up. I'm so glad that I did actually educate myself
in terms of like the labor, pregnancy, being a new mom as well. So read some books
if that's the kind of person that you are. Another massive tip that I would do is to do
a first aid course before you start weaning. I did that with my first son. I should probably
do a refresher now, but I did a first aid course. You can take your baby with you as well. And they
teach you just the basics of like some illnesses, also how to if they're choking like what to do,
things to look for. And I would just really recommend that because it was really helpful
like when my sons got croup or if they did start gagging, I felt very sure like I knew what to do.
Something else that I would definitely do again is a baby class., So when we were pregnant we
did something called the NCT. So you basically meet up with all of these other couples that are
at the same stage as you so that when you all have babies, your babies are all like pretty
much the exact same age so you're all at the same stage together. We had a WhatsApp group,
which was really supportive. So we could like ask each other questions and we would also
meet up every week. And I just found it really helpful in those early days with my first son.
And another thing that we did is get secondhand baby stuff. So we would get secondhand buggies,
secondhand high chairs. Secondhand everything. You can get such good quality stuff on EBay.
Often people reuse things for like a year. All it needs is like a bit of a wash and I
would totally recommend. Because buggies can cost the same as like a car. So if you can get
a cheap like bugaboo or something on eBay, like why wouldn't you? You can wash them. You can get
amazing spare parts online as well so I wouldn't discount getting things secondhand if you can.
But anyway, I think those are all the regrets and all the little tips that I wanted to share with
you. I could probably sit here and chat forever, but I feel like this is quite a long video now.
But yeah, let me know you think of the comments. Let me know if you enjoyed this.
And yeah, thank you so much for watching. I'll see you in my next one. Bye guys.