hey what's going on YouTube this is just certified life and relationship coach coach court and in
today's video I'm gonna talk to you about how to respond to a dismissive avoidant when they start
texting you again thank you for sticking around if this is your first time viewing me do me a favor
and subscribe to the channel by clicking that subscribe button and ringing that little Bell so
you're notified for the newest content if you want my help personally reach out to me on my website
www.fruitfulseedz.com send me an email no longer than two to three paragraphs long no longer than
500 words it makes it really tough to respond to long emails there's a coaching option for that
and there's also a coaching option for one-on-one video chats or phone calls increments of half-hour
one hour and I've been doing them for longer as of recently so in this video I'm responding to
a couple emails that I received the first email was somebody that I did coaching with one-on-one
for a month it was video and she was really struggling to get back her dismissive avoidant
and she didn't know how to read the signs she was really committed to this person because when she
was with him she was able to see the real him the person who can just let down the walls and put all
of his fears and his anxieties about being close to people past him the second person who emailed
me is somebody I'm doing email coaching with now they're trying to understand they're dismissive
avoidant ex-girlfriend and how to make out what some of the things that she's doing and some of
the things that she's saying she's texting she's she's hot and she's cold so I'm gonna get into
that right now the first one thanks so much coach I thought that you would like to know
that my dismissive avoidant ex-boyfriend came back after applying what we talked about on our
calls I asked him to get which is tough to do as an anxious preoccupied type it is really hard to
get ahold of that ink that anxiety to control it and harness it and to put it towards something
that's more useful that's what I like to coach my people to do take that that anxiety that pain and
turn it towards a purpose something that whatever makes your heart beat whatever you makes you wake
up in the morning it's gonna be tough when you go into a tough breakup but if you're in no contact
if you're not talking to this person you know after about a couple months you should already
have mastered how to re-channel that energy that you were using towards trying to get them back I
asked him to get together and have a drink since lockdown has lifted in our area and he agreed this
was two weeks ago and I feel we have a stronger bond now than our previous two year relationship
please share this with other anxious attachers and show them that there is light at the end of the
tunnel thank you for that email I love success stories thanks for following up that's the one
thing I don't like about short-term coaching is you can't see how things end how you get to that
result that you you know you put a lot of time and energy in searching my channels looking for
other coaches because many times I'm not the first coach that they've reached out to they've reached
out to other coaches and anxious attachers are people who are very diligent about trying
to understand themselves and their spouses also secure attackers do it as well dismissives have to
get to the point where they're so frustrated with where they're at in life and they're so down and
out about being alone and they're just wondering what's going on is there something wrong with me
am I a narcissist is the person I just broke up with or in a relationship with the narcissist
what is going on so it takes a little bit more for dismissive avoidant to reach out before the
other attachment Styles a fearful avoidant you know that's a that's a coin toss right there
next email hi coach I would like some help with my current situation I try to keep it short like
you requested I think I am anxious preoccupied and my ex of 1 year is dismissive I've been in
no contact with her for months and she randomly started texting me again so to break down the
beginning of his email I think it's really important to know for sure what your spouse
or ex-spouse attachment style is because we can't play a guessing game when it comes to attachment
styles many of my clients when we're doing our discovery sessions they they thought that they
were another attachment style when they they found out all along they were just a totally different
one so it's important to actually know what their attachment style is and don't play a guessing game
because then you'll be you'll be seeking out misinformation you'll be looking up Japanese
or Chinese when you should be trying to learn Spanish so it's important the conversations are
light and nothing substantial so I don't want I don't know what to make of them I'm getting
frustrated and I feel she's trying to play games with me what should I do if they're reaching out
to you as a dismissive avoidant if you know this is their style chances are they have processed
those negative emotions about the relationship I talk a lot about giving them the opportunity
to reimagine their relationship see things in a better light being able to see a future with
you because the dismissive if they feel like they don't see a future with you and you're
not the one and you were the one that broke it off to them that just pretty much solidifies it
for them they're gonna say things like we weren't meant to be there's no point in us being friends
after this you go you go your separate way we'll go our separate ways so if they're reaching out
to you you need to set a date it's not a time to connect if it's the other way around if you're the
one reaching out to them if you're the one is breaking the no-contact don't try to get them
into a date or getting together because they may not be mentally ready for that this is only
if they are the one reaching out to you they're breaking no-contact if if you dawdle around and
text a little ridiculous messages with them that's it has nothing substantial to them they're gonna
feel like you're rejecting them and you don't you don't really want them you don't want the
relationship again because the avoidant style they're very direct on what they the way that
they communicate they don't beat around the bush they'll tell you straight forward how they feel
this is why sometimes they can come off as cold and unemotional but that's just the way that their
style is so if they're contacting you sure do a little ice breaking but make sure that you set
the date set some time to get together and give them time to respond if you don't get the respond
you want right away if they're saying you know I don't know it's like okay it's it's it's totally
up to you I get it but if you set up you and you continue to text them back and forth then they're
just gonna feel like you don't really want this thing again and that the breakup was something
that needed to happen and it's they just want to be friends and if they want to be friends that's
also something good too because they really don't like being friends afterwards I hope
that helped I would say go ahead the next time they reach out she reaches out set a date it's
that time to get together don't talk about the previous relationship don't try to force them
into another commitment and don't make them feel guilty for breaking up with you because that's the
worst thing you can do you getting you're getting what you want you want them to communicate with
you you want you're essentially your best friend back cuz that's what we are in these deep long
term committed relationships we're best friends so treat them like that don't make them feel bad
for breaking up with you in the first place so if you found this video of any value please like
comment and share what other people that can benefit from this content you know bring them
into our community as it's been so supportive to other people and I will talk to you soon