Has somebody ever said anything to you that brought you to a halt and caused you to doubt your own sanity?
Did it cause you to have doubts about your memories and your understanding of reality?
If so, there is a good chance that you have been the victim of gaslighting.
The term "gaslighting" is often used by the media these days.
The word is derived from Patrick Hamilton's 1939 stage drama Gaslight, in which a husband mentally manipulates his wife.
Gaslighting is a type of emotional abuse in which the victim is led to doubt his or her own memory of the truth, memory, or perspective. It is one of the most pernicious forms of maltreatment.
It takes direct aim at a person's sense of self-confidence, gradually eroding it until they begin to doubt if everything they perceive, think, and feel is genuine or a creation of their mind.
Gaslighting also erodes an individual's capacity and motivation to confront their abuser, since each time they try, the goalposts are shifted even further to turn their argument against them.
Eventually, dread and uncertainty render the victim so helpless that they are easily led into doing anything the offender demands.
They relinquish all resistance and become figurative pawns of their manipulators.
Here are 10 examples of what gaslighting sounds like. Make sure to watch until the end to arm yourself with an inner gaslighting detector.
Number 10: "It is all your fault that I do the things that I do."
When a gaslighter is confronted with their actions, they may make statements similar to this.
It's a fairly normal reaction for them to put you on the spot and for you to second-guess your behavior.
They accuse you of wrongdoing without accepting responsibility for their own actions.
You could even apologize for things that aren't your fault in order to reach an agreement with them.
One sign that you might be getting gaslighted is if you always feel like you are messing up even though you’re trying really hard to do things right.
Your gaslighter wants you to feel like that because they want you to feel like they are doing you a favor just being with you.
This sort of emotional abuse may occur in any relationship, but is most prevalent in romantic relationships.
The abuser uses gaslighting to maintain control over the relationship and to cause their victim to doubt their own sanity.
Gaslighting's effects may make it even more difficult for the victim to leave an abusive relationship, since they may be unaware that it is occurring.
Number 9: "You are too sensitive."
At times, being gaslighted may be perplexing, and you may begin to wonder whether you are the one who is overreacting.
The abuser will maintain that you are fabricating a situation out of thin air.
This will cause you to doubt your own viewpoint and emotionally shut down.
Their goal is to make you feel foolish for even attempting to defend yourself and to make you doubt your own sense of self.
They terminate the conversation and accuse you of being too emotional to deal with it.
There is a good chance you are being gaslighted if you feel like you can never talk about problems in your relationship without your significant other accusing you of being oversensitive.
Number 8: "What did I do to you?"
If someone asks you this, they may really be unaware of their actions.
However, when someone is gaslighting you, they are aware they have done something to harm you and are feigning ignorance.
By defensively presenting this issue to you, they are denying the influence they had on you and compelling you to examine it.
The person who gaslights never admits to what they have done, despite the fact that they are well aware of it.
They want to make you feel bad for their own actions.
You may have had nothing to do with whatever went wrong or caused you pain, yet they’ll find a way to make you feel responsible. This is a very typical example of gaslighting.
Number 7: "The problem is not with everyone, the problem is with you."
The abuser employs these sorts of statements to derail the discussion and shift responsibility to the victim.
This is sometimes referred to as "victim blaming", in which the individual gaslighting makes remarks that make the other person believe they are the problem, even if they have been the victim of bullying or abuse.
This will cause you to mistrust your abilities.
Without defending or apologizing for their own harmful actions, a gaslighter will influence you into thinking this way.
This practice of blaming one’s significant other for everything enables them to elevate their viewpoint above everything else.
Number 6: "I have no memory of saying it; I believe you made that up."
This is a standard sentence that a gaslighter will use to purposefully get you to doubt your experience, conduct, and ideas in order to deflect attention away from them.
Even if they recall everything, they will never admit it.
They will instead blame your nervousness and restlessness, or they will behave as if they do not exist.
When a gaslighter is confronted about their behavior, they often claim innocence and blame you for the situation.
They use this as a justification for their own bad conduct when, in reality, they should accept responsibility for their own actions rather than blaming you.
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Number 5: "You're insane, and others believe the same thing."
Along with instilling doubt in their victims, gaslighters may cause their victims to question their own sanity.
Additionally, the gaslighter may attempt to persuade the victim's relatives and friends that they are mentally unwell in order to further undermine any charges made by the victim.
This reduces the possibility that the victims' allegations will be believed and isolates them from the services necessary to exit an abusive relationship.
This is most prevalent in romantic interactions between men and women, when the guy is gaslighting the woman.
This may be because society often portrays women as more illogical and less in control of their emotions than males.
Number 4: "I'm sorry you feel that way."
When someone has harmed you and apologizes in this manner, it is not a genuine apology.
Rather than that, it's a strategy to make you feel as if you're the problem.
They express regret that you feel the way you do rather than accepting responsibility for what they have done or how they have made you feel.
This comment may seem to be an admission of guilt, but it is not.
This is how an abuser may absolve himself of guilt and place the blame on the victim.
This kind of apology makes the victim doubt their own judgment and makes them wonder whether they really did overreact.
This might result in the victim accepting the abuser's version of events.
Number 3: "It is all your fault."
Individuals who gaslight will absolve themselves of any accountability for their conduct.
Rather than accepting responsibility, they will accuse people directly.
This may be a recitative loop in which you are made to feel responsible for something that is not your fault.
You may even choose to apologize for things that are not your fault in order to reconcile with them.
Accepting your guilt and apologizing will become easier after a while, since you will be too exhausted to argue with them. You just want the situation to be over.
They will damage your self-esteem without regard for consequences, causing victims to suffer even more.
Number 2: "Nobody except me will ever love you."
Isolating the victim from friends and family is a characteristic of all forms of domestic violence, and gaslighting is one method for doing so.
A person's loved ones are those who may serve as a reality check, proving the abuser wrong, and so the gaslighter may attempt to remove them in order to distort reality.
An example of gaslighting is when a boyfriend bans his girlfriend from attending events such as a ladies' night out, claiming that her friends despise him and gossip about him behind her back.
He may also take her phone and delete emails and calls from her pals as "proof" that they don’t care about her at all and that he is the only one who genuinely loves her.
They don't want to be your main connection; they want to be your sole relationship.
Number 1: "It's not that of a big deal."
Gaslighters have a propensity to diminish the effect something has on you.
They make you feel as if you're exaggerating something while you're perfectly entitled to discuss issues that are upsetting you and express yourself freely.
Once you've established that your significant other would respond in a specific manner, you'll lose your confidence in discussing your emotions and ideas with them, and you'll gradually become more alienated.
They’ll accuse you of being defensive, irrational, or too sensitive.
Gaslighters have a propensity to direct the discussion toward you regardless of the scenario and to portray you as the aggressor by accusing you of being defensive.
Keep in mind that you may have heard or said these things before, but this does not always imply you have been gaslighted or are a gaslighter.
Gaslighting is deliberate, and the gaslighter is well aware of what they are saying and doing.
We strongly urge you to seek assistance and counseling if you believe you are a victim.
Gaslighting is not limited to romantic relationships. It may occur inside a family or even at your place of work.
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