Some people really get this channel.
Like this guy right here.
Ok you know what that’s not the one I was thinking of.
Let me start over, some people really get my channel like this dude: Joe Dirt.
Although if I had to choose between Van Hagar and Van Lee Roth, I’d pick Van Joe Strummer.
And for like 5 or 6 months he’s been pretty consistent about me reviewing the all Terrain
Chopper and drinking some cold steel while doing it.
Or steel reserve.
I don’t know where I got the idea in my head it was expensive.
I told him I saw it for $150- which may have let on I know nothing about knives- like that
very astute piece of shit earlier caught on to…
I dunno $150- did on see that on Blade HQ?
Anyway like he said what better thing to pair a big piece of steel from cold steel with,
than a beer that gets all it’s flavor from it’s name sake.
Steel reserve.
The old 211 in an 8.1.
Because a 211 sounds like something in a police report.
And if the thumbnail, the very appearance of a can of cold steel in a video about a
large machete, aren’t warning enough- you idiot… please don’t attempt anything seen
in this video- because I am an idiot.
Fun fact, any property damage, bodily harm, or crime committed under the influence of
Cold Steel you’re not responsible for.
Cold Steel picks up the tab.
Kind of like punching someone at a Trump Rally.
I know sounds unbelievable.
You’re right.
But before we get into any of that, let’s take a look at the dimensions like the overall
length and weight.
With and without the sheath.
Cold Steel is the beer equivalent of getting punched in the face by someone you have a
crush on.
And by crush on I mean stalking.
Blade size and cutting edge.
Do you have any good Cold Steel stories.
It’s ok if you don’t remember.
Handle size and grip area.
Most people’s memories are refreshed when watching CCTV footage of themselves at a trial.
Spine Thickness and handle thickness.
It’s obvious when you drove the car into the pool is that it was already on fire- so
you were trying to save lives.
Tallnesses?
Do they screen jurors for Cold Steel drinkers?
Doesn’t sound like a jury of your peers to me.
Oh I almost forgot how about the can!
Looks like an every day carry size to me.
Great!
The All Terrain chopper is just cold steel for big fucking machete.
It has a large handle and a wharncliffe blade.
Can you even refer to a machete as a wharncliffe?
Is Steel Reserve technically a beer?
The blade is made from a 1055 carbon steel with a baked on anti rust coating straight
from the cold steel kitchen in South Africa.
The blade has no distal taper, meaning it doesn’t get thinner from the spine to the
edge or tip, it’s just a flat piece of steel with a sharpened edge.
Stated a different way to pad for length, it maintains a constant spine thickness all
the way from the handle to the tip.
The edge to my eyes has a slight convex grind.
Could be the Steel Reserve talking though.
1055 will rust if not cared for or you spill beer on it, which explains its murdered out
aesthetic.
Since the blade edge doesn’t have a belly or curve, if you’re chopping downward the
tip tends to get workout, especially considering the length.
The weight when chopping is at the end of the blade, because that’s where it’s thick.
The handle.
If you remember my Instagram post, I mean it was kind of forgettable… you’ll know
that the box arrived at my door step opened without any padding inside.
Which should be expected fuck you from the bay seller for a $28 blade that took probably
$20 to ship.
I bring that up because the Polypropylene handle has a puncture in it which I would
have done anyway.
It’s a hard wearing, yet comfortable plastic handle that has room for your hand and your
drunk friends.
There’s plenty of texture to keep it in your hands even when drenched in all sorts
of fluids.
Like blood when you’ve chopped off a finger.
You have the front quilliuon and a rear quillion on the butt of the handle that just doesn’t
quit.
Maybe it’s the beer, but I think I’m in love.
The sheath.
The sheath is more like a sling that protects you from the blade, if you happen to be doing
stupid stuff while it’s sheathed- which is probably rare.
You can sling it over your shoulder to keep people from talking to you in line at the
bank or at church.
You cannot attach it to the belt though.
There are three snaps keeping it retained, and after unsnapping them, it’s still kind
of a pain in the ass to get out because of the wide tip, so good luck if you’ve been
drinking.
The sheath is made from nylon and plastic and if you own any other cheap cold steel
sheaths, you know what your getting.
Comparisons.
First the ATC, or all terrain chopper.
The product page on Cold Steels website calls it a stalwart hunting and wilderness survival
companion.
Uhh ok.
I assume it’s more of a bushwhacking tool, and not you’re chasing a wild animal with
this.
But it’s hard to say for sure with cold steel, where people fish with swords.
As a machete for me, I prefer something oh say a pound lighter like the Ontario 18”
seen here which is about $20.
They make really long machetes even longer than the Cold Steel, but honestly because
I’m not a real man I prefer something shorter for cutting through brush that’s less fatiguing.
However if you want a pure cheap chopper, maybe something like a short but heavy cane
machete from still closed website as I edit this review Aranyik, makes a little more sense.
For chopping you generally don’t use something as long as a sword unless you’re all out
of bubblegum, so some something shorter with a thicker blade stock could be better.
Don’t you dare say what about an axe.
The Yoshimi Machete, this blade is about the same weight, but with thicker blade stock,
but a more compact profile blade.
I feel similarly about this as I do the All Terrain chopper.
This one has a very nice sheath but costs about $140.
And now one more long one, the Aranyik Extended Magnum Latin machete.
Also a thicker blade stock like all of Aranyiks neighbor gossip generating lawn swords, but
also kind of long and heavy.
Just to repeat myself, short and heavy is better than long and heavy.
Are we done?
No because we haven’t started drinking yet, which I don’t understand because you’ve
already been up an hour.
What better way to play with a cheap machete, then something to wash it down then fall face
down in your own vomit with.
Steel Reserve.
It’s like a light beer with kick.
If that kick were acetone.
In addition to family size 12 packs It comes in a standard headache 2x4 shown here.
Also a stomach pumping 42 ounce plastic bottle, because they know they’re audience.
Let’s say they’re doing you a solid because glass means an additional charge of assault
with a deadly weapon.
Steel Reserve if you’ve ever wondered what white lighting tasted like with your corn
flakes.
Anyway like, subscribe comment, chop that like button, patreon me so I can create more
quality content like this.
Thanks for watching.