It sounds paradoxical to talk of the problems of being beautiful
Almost so alive to all the advantages
But oddly, being beautiful isn't problem free
There are a range of ailments, too little discussed, that go with being extremely beautiful
And that we should all, perhaps, know a bit more about
Here are some of the greatest
The likelihood of having nothing to say is so high because
Since you were 12 you've never had to begin a conversation
They had to crack the jokes
Just for the pleasure of seeing you smile
Indeed, you often wanted to put people off
Being a bit boring has been a sort of survival strategy
It's the only way to stop people pestering you
You are weird about your body
In bed you're always wondering, "Is it me, or is it my body they want?"
You want to be loved for the whole of who you are
But your exterior is so fantastic, it overshadows anything else
You want to be appreciated for your take on the french novel
Your loyalty to your troubled sister, your views on the future of the left
But even when people say the right things, the fears won't go away
They make too much sense
Everyone assumes you are stupid
They don't wait to find out
Their imaginations refuse to picture you carfeully unpicking a page of Plato
Or analysing the state of the Swedish economy
They like the idea of you being a bit dim
You can't be that beautiful and understand nuclear phsyics
That would be too much good fortune ending up in one place
Everyone insists you can't be very intelligent
No one imagines you have any problems
Fortune, people feel, has smiled on you already
You can't need anything
And that's why they hate you
A fair few people just like finding fault with you
They feel you need to be shown that you're nothing special
Although you never claimed to be
They're using you
To vent their frustrations with life in general
You're fair game, you're too beautiful, they think, ever to be hurt
Ageing is worse
You have this rare thing
Your body is ideal... for now
That's why getting older terrifies you a lot
Yesterday you found another wrinkle
Your left knee twinges when you climb the stairs
You have so much to lose
You'll look in the mirror and foresee a wreck
From being so high, the fall will be harder
Fortunately, the problems of being very beautiful are transient
Thankfully no one stays at the peak of loveliness for long
Time will take your troubles away
In a few years, almost certainly, your looks will have lost their uncanny perfection
Your physique will shed its grace
You'll be nice enough looking
But you will no longer be one of the outstandingly attractive ones
And you will no longer share in their unique
But very real, and very under-appreciated problems