*Intro song*
-We really appreciate your Confinement Series Lord Bung : Viewers
*Quiet Eerie Music*
*Soft Ambient Music*
*Louder Ambient Music*
Guy (Offscreen): Day 72; Another sleepless night fades in the static purgatory...
Guy: Haunted by the presence of a faceless bloodthirsty army.
Guy: Rations are dwindling.
Guy: Meanwhile, the unrelenting barbarian tribes from the checkout regions are showing no signs of surrender.
Guy: I feel... crushingly smaller each day looking into the ceaseless horizon of cubicles.
Guy: Mourning for the souls lost in this endless hellscape.
*Orchestra*
Guy: My mind is at ease, however, for I have proven myself invaluable to my tribe.
Guy: I will fight for the ones I love.
Guy: For her.
Guy: Because I know that is what makes me a hero.
Guy: But above all else, I am burdened with the knowledge that there is nothing in this world more dangerous and destructive...
Guy: than the monsters in this endless Swedish nightmare.
*Humming of fluorescent lights*
Connor: Oof...
Connor: That's a splinter.
(quiet rapid footsteps)
*More humming*
???: The store is now closed; PLEASE exit the building.
(footsteps)
(stab)
(thumping and zipping)
Australian Guy: He's alive!
(stuttering)
Australian Guy: Quick! Get the man something to drink!
Blue Hood Guy: Is he from the outside?
Green-Haired Girl: I hope he's okay.
(footsteps)
Swedish Midget: Reckon by, what do they call you?
Connor: I... uh...
Connor: This question should be really easy.
Green-Haired Girl: Might have something to do with that awful spike in your noggin.
Connor: Are you guys like... road warriors?
Connor: Can you tell me what's going on?
Connor: I can't remember anything that's happened and I'm kind of pissed off that I remember Mad Max more than my own--
Guy: What are you doing? We're supposed to be looking for vending machines not more mouths to feed.
Guy: We're hunter-gatherers!
Australian Guy: What's the point of hunting if we can't even fight off the bigger tribes!?
Australian Guy: If we patch this guy up, maybe he'll help us out.
Guy: The point is we can't keep getting distracted every time we see other lost schmuck trapped in the aisles!
Blue-Hooded Guy: It's better distraction than your stupid journal.
Guy: Hey, documenting is crucial, it's how we remember society!
Guy: Have you already forgotten what convicts looked like? Cause' this guy hasn't even ditched his prison garbs!
Blue Hood Guy: Oh, come on!
Green-haired girl: Like we're ALL saints in the land beyond the parking lot!
Swedish Midget: Remember what the elder said!
Swedish Midget: "Second hand, second chance!"
(clap)
Guy: Hah!
Guy: Is that a jok--
Swedish Midget: You are starting to sound like the greedy tribes from the self-serve area!
Australian Guy: Whoa, mate! You still with us?
Australian Guy: We've got to get them out of here!
Green-haired girl: I'll grab his legs!
(metallic screech)
(exchanging screams)
Connor: Where am I!? Are we in a womb?
???: "Are we in a womb?" Ya absolute basket case!
???: I'm afraid you're still in The Infinite IKEA, son.
Connor: What's an "Infinite IKEA?"
???: What's an IKEA? It's a magic place IKEA is.
???: A benevolent realm of lamps and leather!
???: A wondrous dimension of decor and deck chairs as far as your wallet can take ya!
???: With cushions so soft, it's like drowning in the tits of an angel!
Connor: Wooooooooowww
???: But this one, this one's quite sh*t
???: Something's off about this one.
Connor: Do all IKEAs have those faceless people?
???: I can't tell ya, but as I always say...
???: "Never trust a man without facial features."
Elder: My name's "Elder Freestanding Bathroom Cabinet" by the way, head of this tribe!
Elder: And if you'd like to stay here, I'm gonna need you to protect your fellow survivor.
Elder: You think you can handle that?
(Connor Stuttering)
Connor: Sure, yeah.
Elder: ..Are you sure?
Connor decidedly: Yes!
Elder: That was easy. I hereby induct you into the canopy tribe!
Elder: Your clan name is "Thorn" on account of that shard of wood stuck in your head.
Elder: Talk to you later. Supper's in an hour!
*Music & Chatter*
Lady: "Thorn", huh? Not bad.
Lady: At least it's not "Stethoscope."
"Thorn": Ew... can't imagine having it.
"Stethoscope": That's my name.
Connor: Oh. (Yikes...)
"Steth": But please call me "Steth."
Connor: Where you found with a stethoscope stuck in your head?
(chuckles)
Steth: No, I'm just the closest thing to a doctor in this tribe.
Steth: So, like a dentist, a nurse?
Steth: Livestock vet.
Connor: Right, well, thanks for dealing with my head splinter.
No problem.
I'm happy to check up on your wood anytime ;)
Connor: ...
Blue Hood Guy: Hey, he's awake!
Girl: Sorry to hear about your memory loss.
Connor: Eh, I'll forget about it.
Australian Guy: (Laughter)
Australian Guy: Ya cheeky fuckah!
Australian Guy: We haven't been formally introduced!
Tall Boy: I'm "Tall Boy!"
Tall Boy: This is "Hutch"...
Hutch: Good morning!
Tall Boy: This is Hope.
Hope: How do you do?
Tall Boy: And over there is "Ottoman Davenport Allen Keys"!
Guy: Can you quiet down? I'm trying to scribe over here!
Tall Boy: And that's "Stanley." Don't mind him. He's a bit of a twat.
Steth: I don't even know WHY he's called "Stanley."
Hutch: "Stanley" isn't really a furniture name anyway. Now "High Pedestal," however...
Thorn: Was that joke a chair cuz you've been sitting on that one!
Tall Boy: (Laughter)
*Lively music*
(Everyone's literally just saying "Mumbling.")
Elder: Fellow IKEAns!
Elder: I am proud to announce that I have found some LEGO!
Tall Boy: That's what I'm talking about! (All cheering)
Elder: Not sure how it got in here.
Elder: Also, I am proud to draw unneeded attention to the latest addition of our tribe!
Elder: "Thorn!"
Elder: "The Impaled!"
(Generally positive cheering)
Crowd :(chants poorly)
Tall Boy: So, Thorn, you must be a pretty rowdy fellow to survive getting stabbed in the head right?
Connor: I guess so. I've still got no feeling in my left nu--
Tall Boy: This is gonna sound forward but...
Tall Boy: Can we spar?
(Gasp!)
Connor: But-- but you're so big!
Tall Boy: I'll go easy on ya.
Connor: Good... it's my... first time.
*Whoosh*
*Thumping*
Tall Boy: Try to disarm me!
Tall Boy: You were thinking too long!
*Grabs spear and moves leg*
(Deep ambient tone)
*Grunting & smacking noise*
Tall Boy: Teamwork!
(Generally positive cheering)
Connor: Owie...
(Intense battle music)
*Stabbing sound*
Pillow Assassin: You've only prolonged this inevitable pillow fight!
Pillow Assassin: RETREEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaat!
PillowAssassin: That's right we landed on some pillows! That's our thing!
Elder: You've done saved me life, Thorn!
( C R E A K )
Connor whispering: Did I do that?
Hutch: How did he do it?
Hutch: That's crazy!
Stanley: Day... 73.
Stanley: Another sleepless night lurks over this hostile territory anguished by the presence of a new face!
Stanley: Rations are dwindling. Meanwhile, the power-mad nobody from the Land Beyond the Parking Lot is showing no signs of surrender.
Stanley: I feel crushingly small each day looking into the ocean of praise he receives from these victims.
Stanley: I mourn for these lost souls in this endless hell-scape.
Stanley: My mind is in darkness, for I have proven myself invaluable to my tribe.
Stanley: Yet, no matter how many times I fight for the ones I love, they can't see that I am the hero!
Stanley: This cannot be my burden.
Stanley: This damn..
F*CKING
SH*T
MOTHERF*CKER
-F*CKING-
Monster!
Stanley: I was nobody in the Land Beyond the Parking Lot.
Stanley: Just please... let me have this...
*Music + Credits!*
Edits made by: Dylan Zitz, ghostprojection, and many others. :)