- The only reason they're running, by the way,
is because you're chasing them.
You're like chasing them, like, "Come back, come back,"
energetically.
Or you want something from them, and they're like,
"Oh my god," and they just start running
because that's the energy dynamic that's being played.
So instead, there's something that, if you do,
will change absolutely everything,
and it will allow you to then have that magnetic energy
naturally.
When we think of energy dynamics,
think of this in the form of people are always responding
to the energy we are putting out,
and they're, in a way,
playing according to the role we are playing.
So this is why, when we run after someone
and we chase someone or we really like someone,
and if we have that kind of energy,
they naturally begin to run.
They're playing off of that energy.
Think about it like a dog.
If you have a little dog or something like that,
and you're like, "I'm gonna get you,"
and then you start running after them, what do they do?
As you're chasing them,
they're literally running away from you
because they're playing according to the energy
that is being embodied.
Now, in a very similar way,
people respond to us based on
how we either allow them to treat us
or the energy we're putting out.
I've seen it before,
where maybe people didn't, like, respect me.
This is especially like when I was working
that nine to five job selling women's shoes.
People would respond to me a certain way,
and it was because I wasn't necessarily respecting myself.
And a lot of times, as well,
it was when I wanted something from someone else
that then that rejection or that energy would come
because I was wanting something from them.
So the thing that I'd like you to become aware of for this,
that makes all the difference in the world,
is understanding being solid in your own frame.
Also, meaning being solid inside of your own body
because I will tell you from experience
that I learned the shadow work integration technique,
I guess you could call it.
I have a shadow work integration coach
who has a double PhD in Karl Jungian psychology.
And one of the things that he shared with me
is this process of bringing the energy
into my hands and my feet and how,
as I would feel the separation between me and other people
and me being inside my own body and feeling the space,
that had such a profound effect on my own energy field.
I would do this and then go out Whole Foods,
or I'd go out hiking or I would do something,
and people respond to me so differently
because I'm in my own frame.
I'm inside of my own body.
Prior to that, though, I was tuning to other people.
And when I tuned into other people,
that was me wanting something from them.
I was either wanting their frame,
or I was wanting their validation,
or I was wanting some level of them to give me authority,
or there are lot of many different things
people can walk from somebody else.
A lot of times, it's validation though.
And the thing to become aware of with this
is don't confuse liking someone
with wanting their validation
because the thing is,
is when we are attached to outcome,
that's when we want something from somebody else.
And what ends up happening is
the more we want someone's validation,
the more we want someone's approval,
the more we want someone to act in a certain way around us,
the more we actually end up resisting having it.
Think about this.
This is something that comes from something
called the Backwards Law.
The Backwards Law from Alan Watts, he coined this term,
simply states that the more you...
The more you want something, the more you resist it.
It actually ends up doing the backwards thing.
So the more you try to control your life
and the more things have to be a certain way,
the more out of control you feel.
The more you want someone to like you,
the more you're gonna, like, not be authentic
and natural in your own frame,
and then the more the energy's gonna be messed up
and the less they're actually gonna like you.
But the more detached from outcome you are,
the more you don't care if somebody likes you,
the more they like you.
Isn't it funny how that works?
So really what this is a game of...
A game.
Sometimes people put dating and game into the same category.
But really what the key focus here is
releasing attachment to the outcome.
Letting go of being attached
to whether someone likes you back or not.
You see they're very...
It's almost the same thing,
but it's coming from a different place.
You can practice this too. I have a buddy of mine.
I was at a seminar speaking with my buddy, Owen,
and he was talking about how he had a buddy
who would go out.
And what they would do is they would approach people
they wanted to talk to,
and they'd get outta their comfort zone.
And one thing that he would test
is he would test doing all the super...
All the things that you're told not to do.
Like, don't go up to somebody and tell 'em, you know...
Like, if you went up to a girl, for example,
like, "You're beautiful."
You know what I mean?
Like, that's generally something
that's stereotypical advice,
but you normally wouldn't do it
because the energy that normally comes from it is like,
"I really like you," and it's kind of creepy.
But one thing that this guy was saying he did is he went out
and he actually did all the stereotypical things
that you're told not to do,
but he did it from a place where he didn't care.
And because of that, it was much more attractive,
and it actually worked,
when it's normally not supposed to work.
Because nine times outta 10, it doesn't work.
So the thing with this to become aware of
is where is the energy coming from?
Because if it's not attached to outcome,
you'll notice it is just so much more attractive.
So the idea then is it's moreso if you do like somebody,
you can express you like them.
Doesn't mean you have to play a game
and then not like them and then all of this stuff.
It's moreso you just don't have
a specific outcome you are trying to get from them
because they can feel that.
It's an energetic dynamic.
When I would help customers back in the day,
when I was selling women's shoes,
if I wanted them to buy,
if I wanted something from them,
they could feel that.
And they could feel that I was attached to outcome,
and it would actually end up resisting that which I wanted.
But the funny thing is
the less I cared whether they bought it or not,
the more they actually bought,
or the more they would say yes.
It was incredible.
I would focus on just...
Instead of focused on wanting their validation,
their approval, support, or whatever,
focus on being present to the moment and sharing the energy.
Focus on having fun, focus on connecting.
Because when I went to my nine to five job, even,
and I'd focus on connecting with customers,
I would sell more
than if I had the intention of going to my nine to five job
and making three to $4,000 that day in sales commission.
Well, I would sell three or $4,000,
which means I'd make, like, 300 bucks.
But the reason I share this
is because the difference between both of these energies
is you could be doing the same thing...
I could be helping customers
but not caring about the outcome and having fun,
or I could be helping customers
and really attached to the outcome.
And I'll tell you, they get very different results.
Now, the thing to become aware of with this, as well,
is how present are you inside of your body?
Because when you are present inside of your body,
you have magnetic energy,
and people literally can feel that off of you.
What's the difference here, once again?
When you're present, you're here.
You're having fun; you're in the moment.
When you want something...
Anytime you want anything, it's immediately...
Your energy's not here and it's in the future,
and the energy's diffused.
And it's like you want something right now
that you don't have,
so you feel that lack,
and then they run.
They're running because you're wanting something from them.
Instead of wanting something from them,
the way that you change that energy
is actually a little bit deeper than you might think.
It's not just one little, like, little hack you do,
and it's like, "Oh, I've healed now.
I do not have anything to deal with."
It's moreso the thing to realize
when you really like someone
and you want something from them
is what you normally want
is what you did not get in childhood.
Oh shit.
What you want from them
is normally what you didn't get in childhood.
So maybe you didn't get approval or validation.
Maybe you felt like one of your parents or both your parents
didn't really like you
or didn't really express love
in the most authentic way to you.
And there's a story there now that says
that I like someone else, but they may not like me,
and I'm gonna try to search for it.
I'm gonna try to find it in everything else.
And that's why it can hurt so bad
is it gets to the core wound that we might have.
So what this really is about is an abandonment wound.
We feel abandoned.
We may have had emotionally or a physically
abandoning parent,
and we made a decision when we were a kid
that said that, "There's something wrong with me."
And what ended up happening is we then wired in that belief,
and we go out
and we're trying to find our sense of validation and love
to rewire that belief,
but we're looking for it on the outside.
And then what ends up happening
is we change our sense of gravity
and we do all of these things
'cause we want someone else to like us and to validate us.
But guess what that ends up doing?
Diffusing our own energy.
And guess what has actually happened?
When we are trying to please other people
or we want someone else to like us,
what normally happened is we stopped liking ourselves,
we stopped validating ourselves,
and we started abandoning ourselves.
So the reason I share this
is because the thing I'm asking to stop doing
is stop abandoning yourself.
Stop not liking yourself.
Start liking yourself.
Start letting go of the childhood meaning
that we may have given this stuff.
We may have given it meaning that says, "I'm not worthy.
My parents left; they didn't validate me.
I'm looking for that on the outside now."
And the more we work on the inside,
the more that then the outside begins to change.
But why does it change?
Because we aren't attached to outcome
because we validate ourselves.
We love ourselves.
We are not abandoning ourselves.
We can say no to other people
and not have an explanation of why we're saying no.
You ever felt like you've...
You over-explain yourself in a text message?
"Oh, well I can't hang out tomorrow
because I gotta pick my mom up from the airport
and then I gotta do this and then I gotta do this."
And you gotta do like eight different things
just so you can feel not guilty
about not going to your friend's whatever.
Going out to drink with a friend or something like that.
You can just say no, period.
End of story.
It does not need an explanation as to why.
And the more you set your boundaries, by the way,
with things like this,
the more attractive and the more value
you will be able to actually put out into the world.
This is what this really is too,
adding value out into the world by being yourself.
Not because of who you are,
if you're funny and all this stuff...
You are valuable because of who you are.
It's wiring in that belief,
letting go of attachment to outcome,
and being present in the moment and having fun
because energy's contagious.
People feel what you feel.
And if you feel lack, "I want them to like me.
I want something from them,"
then they're gonna go, "I don't wanna give it to you,"
and they're literally just gonna run.
And the only reason they're running, by the way,
is because you're chasing them.
You're like chasing them, like, "Come back, come back,"
energetically.
Or you want something from them,
and they're like, "Oh my god," and they just start running
because that's the energy dynamic that's being played.
So instead there's something that, if you do,
will change absolutely everything,
and it will allow you to then have
that magnetic energy naturally.
So let go and be in this moment, right now.
And as you do that, you will have magnetic energy.
But stop abandoning yourself.
And part of this is becoming aware and becoming present
inside your own body.
Because as you do that,
you rewire and you reframe a lot of these things.
Now, if you haven't checked it out yet
and you want to let go of these codependent patterns,
of these patterns of not being in your body,
of the anxious or avoidant attachment style,
and you wanna become more secure,
one of the most powerful processes you can go through
is the 21-day Magnetic Love Challenge.
You can check it out below
or go to aarondoughty.com/love to join it.
It's a 21-day transformational process.
Read the testimonials on there just to see what's possible.
And go through that process and watch what happens.
And then also, if you haven't checked this video out yet,
this is the five secrets to letting go
that make you confident AF.
Watch this video and watch how much your life changes.
People feel what you feel about you.
The energy inside of our bodies are contagious,
and based on how we feel about ourselves,
that energy is being emanated out and other people --