• From riding a unicycle into a store to hitting on a mailbox, the Planet Dolan crew
re-enact some of the best true stories from our subreddit about the weirdest things we’ve
seen drunk people do, part 2.
I’m and today I’ll be your narrator.
Number 10 was submitted by JJCrystalT Doopie When Doopie was about 12, she was just chilling
in my room when she heard her 5 dogs start barking.
She figured everything was cool, since it was late and people usually walked by at that
time.
So she got called outside to see what was going on, and a drunk guy was flirting with
their mailbox.
He called it "a sexy mamasita, who could use a cool dude like him”, and got progressively
sadder the more the mailbox "ignored" him.
He went from being polite, to a little hurt, to sobbing like a baby who just got his candy
bar stolen.
It took Doopie a few tries to tell the 911 operator what was going on, as she was laughing
so hard.
When the police finally got there, Doopie and her family were just laughing at the entire
situation.
He spent the night in the drunk tank, but at least he lived to tell the tale of Señorita
Mailbox.
Number 9 was submitted by QueenQeeko Pandora Pandora was working late in a convenience
store.
It was about an hour to losing time, so she was mostly just cleaning.
Suddenly she heard a strange noise, and then through the open doorway came this super drunk
guy on a unicycle.
He crashed into the ice cream freezer and fell straight back onto the floor.
He sprang to his feet and shouted at her, as though he was proud of himself, "WOAH!
I am so fucking drunk that I can't stay on that thing!"
Before Pandora had a chance to respond, his attitude changed and he screamed "The FUCK
are you looking at?!"
Just then two guys rushed into the store and dragged the drunk guy and his unicycle into
the back of a van.
In the 8 years working here, nothing has beaten that night.
Number 8 was submitted by Crocidilemunchies Andiemations
Andie was at a horseshoe tournament with her parents, and they decided to bring her older
brother along.
Well... her brother got a hold of some Bud Light, and had drank like seven cans before
her dad had told him to slow down a bit.
Needless to say, he didn't, and after a few more cans of beer, he walked up to Andie,
called her by his girlfriend's name, and tried to kiss her.
So, after she pushed him away, and told him to back off, he literally went to the side
of the house, puked everywhere, and passed out on the ground.
Number 7 was submitted by The_Extreme_Unicorn Melissa
One summer, when Melissa was 15, she was sitting on a park bench when she heard an old man
singing Justin Bieber’s song "Baby".
It didn't take long for her to see the drunk, homeless 60 year old walking down the path
singing the song.
He was holding a beer bottle, so she could tell he was drunk.
Then he stopped, looked at her, stuck his middle finger up and said, "F**k you!"
Melissa didn't really care until he pulled down his pants...AND STARTED TRYING TO PULL
IT OUT!!
She screamed and told him to stop, but he wouldn't.
She panicked and ended up knocking him out to stop him.
Melissa called 911 and ran for it.
The weirdest thing is that she saw the same guy a year later, w earing a suit and tie.
Number 6 was submitted by Fluffytree5 Danger Dolan
So a few days ago, Dolan went to a concert that was enormous!
His favorite song was coming up and was really excited.
He saw this other dude chug bottles of beer, one after the other.
He paid no attention and kept on listening to the concert.
When his favorite song came on, the dude screamed so everyone could hear how much he liked the
song.
Then he ran up to the stage, found the nearest pole, and started to strip.
Dolan was scarred for life.
Number 5 was submitted byblundon17 Nixxiom One September, when Nixxiom was playing outside
with his friends, he saw his drunk cousin get on their garage's roof and start taking
off his clothes and overalls.
He threw them all over the roof, then stood there naked and called out, "I'm the king
of the world!"
Nixxiom and his friends just stood there in shock for a minute, then bolted to his friend’s
house where they waited an hour.
Number 4 was submitted by AOMX MKyleM A week ago, MKyleM’s aerospace engineering
class had their "Aero-drunks Fest."
A guy got very drunk, then got to a friend of MKyleM’s and asked in a rude manner,
"Did you take my vodka?"
His friend, because he is an idiot, said yes, just for the fun of it.
The guy took the friend, and one hit KO'd him.
He screamed, "You never take my vodka!!!"
Then he started peeing on him.
After that, he sat next to him and started crying, feeling bad for what he did.
Almost immediately after that, he passed out.
The next morning, none of them knew what happened.
Number 3 was submitted by kitkatkati3 CivilSpider One night, CivilSpider’s mom and dad came
home from a party when they were young, just drunk as hell.
His mom went to bed first but when his dad walked in, she was trying to pee in the wardrobe.
He pulled her out and brought her to the bathroom.
While she was in there, his dad went to bed but later woke up to find his mom trying to
take a dump on his head!
CivilSpider’s mom cringes so much when his dad tells that story.
Number 2 was submitted by AddyTheGreat95 Honeybits One night, when Honeybits was only a few months
old, her mother couldn't sleep since her father failed to return home after "a few" drinks
with the guys.
She was worried sick and couldn't stop staring at the clock in the kitchen.
Suddenly, she heard a loud boom.
She ran outside in the rain with Honeybits strapped on a harness attached to her chest.
Just as she feared...
her father crashed into a garage just a block away.
Her father, drunk off his ass, stumbled out of the car and started to walk away as if
he thought he parked the car.
Her mother grabbed him and tried to lead him home.
Frightened, her father SCREAMED and started to sob.
"GET AWAY FROM ME!
NO ! NO!
PLEASE!"
Shocked and confused, her mother tried to shush him since it was almost 4 am.
He tried to fight her off and attempt to make a run for it, but her mother grabbed him by
the ponytail and covered his mouth.
Her father kept screaming for help all the way back inside the house.
Even when he was finally home, he continued to scream for help.
Her mother tried to calm him down, but he just kept threatening her and telling her
to stay away because he's a loyal married man.
Her father did not recognized his own wife.
The police took away his car and driver’s license, and he had to go to court the next
day.
Number 1 – What’s the weirdest thing I’ve ever seen a drunk person do?
Huge thanks for the folks over on our Planet Dolan subreddit for submitting their stories.
We have another question for you: “What's the weirdest thing you've seen happen at a
convention?”(like Vidcon or Comic-con) Let us know in the reddit page linked below and
you might be featured in a future countdown.