Here's something else.
It makes me happy, and then sad, and then happy again,
and then somewhat sad.
Last night was the season premiere of The Bachelorette.
Every season, I say I'm not going to watch, I won't watch,
I refuse to watch.
But now, there's a pandemic, what else am I going to do?
I got to watch.
So last night, Clare met her potential husbands.
It's just so ridiculous to even say that.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHTER]
You know what they say about first impressions?
I forget.
But anyway, look at this.
Clare?
Yes.
I'm here to save your life.
Oh?
Your love life.
[LAUGHTER]
[CRASH]
[SCREAMS]
[CLAPS]
I know that your dogs are super important to you.
Yes!
Obviously.
So I am not a suit guy, so I did this instead.
So I brought them with.
[LAUGHS]
Oh my God!
Hold on.
Do you mind if I pet my dogs?
Please.
Obviously, it's because of how much I love my dogs.
So it's been 128 days since I was first supposed to meet you.
And clearly, I've gone a little crazy during that time.
Oh my God, look at this dude.
Oh my God.
Take it all off, take it all off.
Oh, it's coming off.
Hello, my name is Chasen, and just shed my armor for you.
[HEAVY BREATHING]
I heard your journey was taking place in a bubble,
and I just wanted to come prepared for you.
All my friends tell me I give terrible first impressions.
You have green eyes.
I do.
What did you think they were?
Ow!
My hands!
Only 2% of the population has green eyes.
Really?
Yeah.
The moment I held Clare's hands, it
was the first time I touched a woman in months.
He squeezed my hands so hard.
My ring's literally dug in.
Looks like a Jack Russell took a bite out of it.
Hopefully, I didn't blow it.
[CHUCKLES]
[AUDIENCE LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
Oh, straight people.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHTER]
I know a lot of people are stuck at home with plenty of time
on their hands.
I'm going to show you what I mean.
It's a segment we call, You All Have Too Much Time
on Your Hands.
So I'm just going to start calling out different bands
so we can get some music, because it's expensive.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHTER]
All right, here we go.
I forgot, we're doing a show, aren't we?
I was just chatting.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHTER]
Patrick set up this cool trick shot.
[BOUNCING]
[ROLLING]
[BOUNCING]
I don't have that much time.
I'm going to come back to that one.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHTER]
Kerry made a world map out of potato chips.
That's what she did with her time.
It's very impressive, and a lot of discipline,
because you get one chip, and then the whole continent
is gone.
You know how that is.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHTER]
Let's just check back in with the trick shot.
[BOUNCING]
[ROLLING]
[CRASH]
We'll check back in again.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHTER]
Lindsay sent this in.
She spent some time in a cornfield.
That's what she did.
See her in there?
Look at her.
I bet she's a good listener because she's all ears.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHTER]
Shucks, that was corny.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHTER]
Thank you.
Thank you, tWitch.
[LAUGHTER]
All right, let's wrap up that trick shot, shall we?
[CLICKING]
[THUMP]
[CLICKING]
[CRASH]
[ROLLING]
[CRASH]
[BOUNCING]
[AUDIENCE APPLAUSE]
But couldn't you just put the ball
in the cup in the beginning, and that was it?
Could have just done that.
That's what the end game is.
Just put the ball in the cup.
I don't understand.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHTER]
If you've got a picture or a video of what
you do with too much time on your hands,
please send it to me.