Cheating is a very common thing in relationships.
A very unfortunate situation
that many people face.
But many are struggling with
should they stay or should they go?
And today that's what we're talking about.
Infidelity, to stay or to go?
Stay tuned for more.
Hey, how you doing everybody,
this is Stephan Labossiere
aka Stephan Speaks
you're certified life and relationship coach
here to help you overcome any struggle
that you're feeling with relationships,
help you experience better results
in life, in love, in success,
in spirituality, you name it,
we're going to talk about it.
But today,
we're going to be hitting on the topic of infidelity
and helping you understand
how you should handle it and
which way you should go with this relationship
if infidelity does come about.
Now, before we continue as always
be sure to like the video,
subscribe to the channel,
and let's take a poll.
When someone cheats on you,
should you stay or should you go?
Leave your comment below,
either stay, stay
or say leave or go.
Either one is fine.
But I want to see how many of you guys
feel that you should walk away
or if you should give it a chance.
And then, we're going to discuss this a little bit further.
So, let's get into this situation.
Number one, infidelity,
we have to understand that
there's a lot of different reasons
why infidelity happens in a relationship.
And it's not a one size fit all situation.
For some people, there could be
a void in the relationship
or neglect that is occurring in the relationship,
now, none of these things
I'm about to explain to you
is to validate cheating.
It's simply to explain
why the infidelity might be occurring.
So, neglect is one of those things.
There is sexual neglect,
there is emotional neglect,
and these things can have a huge
negative impact on a relationship.
Some individuals devoted
their facings within themselves.
And the reality is that
they haven't found purpose in life,
they haven't found that thing that fulfills them
and so, they look for other relationships
to make them feel better
about who they are.
It's kind of an ego booster for them
and that can happen to
both men and women, all right.
I know that sometimes when we think about infidelity,
many people go straight to just men cheating.
But the reality is that
a lot of women are cheating as well.
Some may argue even more than men,
I'm not going to say
which one I think that is right now,
but it definitely happens on both sides.
So, like I said that void within themselves
and that lack of purpose
and that lack of fulfillment
can create problems
and open the door to infidelity.
And again, those are just a couple of things.
But there's a lot more to discuss,
but what we're talking about here is
to stay or to go?
And so, my answer to that is
it depends, all right.
You can't just say a blanket statement
if someone cheats you leave
end of story, that's it.
There's so much more to consider there.
So, let's start with the fact that,
cheating can be described
as various different things.
To some people,
if your partner or their partner
watched porn, they cheated.
If they flirted with someone,
they may consider that cheating.
For others, it may be
simply having sexual intercourse,
it may be kissing someone,
there's various ways people define cheating.
It may be having inappropriate conversations, okay.
Now, the reason why I'm bringing this up
and showing you that there's so many
different things to look at
is because again,
it's one thing for someone to say
all right, my partner
flirted with somebody, all right.
And let's say you've been married for ten years.
Are you going to just
leave them after ten years
because they flirted
versus they had sex with someone?
Now, again, this isn't to minimize
the inappropriate behavior.
It isn't to make it okay,
it's to simply say, we have to put things
into proper perspective
if we're trying to determine
if you should stay or you should go.
But let's go beyond that
one of the big reasons why
I tell people it depends is because
cheating sometimes or infidelity
is the symptom of two people
who should have never been together
in the first place, all right.
Some people are getting in the wrong relationships
with the wrong person.
And in my opinion,
cheating and it is inevitable there.
It's going to at some point happen.
It may be months, it may be years,
but it's going to come.
And again, it was set up because
you're with the wrong person.
Now, on the flip side,
for other individuals,
infidelity may be a symptom of
something being broken in the relationship.
So, you can have two people
who truly are good for each other,
who truly can achieve and experience
an amazing healthy relationship.
But somewhere along the line something went left.
Something went wrong
and then the door opened,
and unfortunately, someone
walked through that door of infidelity.
Now, again, that doesn't make it okay.
But in that situation,
this is something that can be fixed.
And we can now look at
how to correct it because
it's not just about the infidelity in that relationship.
Let's evaluate the overall relationship.
So, for example,
if someone comes to me and says,
hey, my partner cheated on me
I don't know what to do. Should I leave or go?
One of my questions is
how was the relationship overall?
Like, if you had a dysfunctional
toxic relationship
before cheating ever even occurred
then forget that they cheated.
You should have left because
it was toxic and unhealthy to begin with.
Like, that's the real issue
the infidelity is just a symptom of that.
It's just a manifestation
of all the brokenness in that relationship.
Now, on the flip side,
if someone comes to me and says,
well, when I ask that question
and they say well,
the relationship has been great, it's been amazing
at least to your perception of things.
But then, again, something went wrong.
Maybe somebody went out
and I'm just giving this as an example.
Someone went out with friends,
they had too much to drink,
and they end up kissing someone that night.
Again, I have to repeat
this is not making it okay.
I am not trying to validate,
but I'm giving you an example which has happened.
It's happened in many people's lives
and this is a situation where
we can fix this, all right.
This can be viewed as a mistake,
as an accident,
as a horrible one-time decision.
But it's not a representation
of the overall quality of the relationship.
So, we have to start digging deeper
and start looking at the big picture
when we're going to determine
if you're going to stay or if you're going to leave
after infidelity has occurred.
Also, let me say this now.
Let's say you're going to stay.
One of the biggest mistakes people make
in staying after infidelity
is not addressing the root cause
of the infidelity.
So, if someone cheats on you
and they say, I'm sorry please take me back,
let's just make this work, right.
And you take them back,
but you never one, heal,
from them cheating on you.
And you never addressed why it happened.
So, in the example I just gave
the person went out,
they drank too much,
they were probably around the wrong people,
boom!
Something wrong went down.
So, okay,
how do we correct that moving forward?
The root issue is okay,
alcohol, too much alcohol, or
hanging out in certain environments.
We can't do that going forward.
Clearly, it's too risky,
we need to leave that alone.
That's how we can start to address
some of the root causes, okay.
But if you don't have that conversation,
if we don't get to the bottom of
how did we even get here?
Why did this happen?
What decisions were made and what can we do
differently moving forward to correct this?
Then you're defeating the purpose of staying.
Because if you don't address these issues
I can assure you
infidelity will happen again, all right.
So, you have to be mindful of that
and we can't just get back together
for the sake of getting back together.
We've got to correct things,
we've got to fix things,
we've got to talk it out.
So, again there's just so much
that we can impact with the infidelity
and when in answering
the question should you stay or should go?
Let me throw something else at you.
Is this a reoccurring thing already?
Like so, you may now be at this point of
questioning what to do
and be at your breaking point.
But this may have been after maybe
several instances of infidelity
in your relationship.
Several instances from your partner.
For some of you, it may be
infidelity on both sides.
They cheated you cheated
you're not sure, maybe you're thinking
well, I should just keep going
because I've done the cheating too.
There's a lot to consider
but I would say this,
if it is repeat behavior on their end
and you have not engaged in such behavior,
then again, this is a huge factor in determining
if we're going to stay or we should go.
Because if we've already tried to fix this,
if we've already discussed the deeper issues
and this individual has shown
an unwillingness to make changes,
to start to behave properly in this relationship
and end this negative cycle of infidelity,
then it's time to go.
Because at that point,
the only thing that might wake them up
is a real consequence
and that's the consequence of you walking away.
Losing you might be the only thing that
finally makes them say,
man I messed up.
But even then, that doesn't mean
you're supposed to get them back.
So, I'd say it all the time,
some people don't realize
what they have until it's gone.
But that doesn't mean they're supposed get it back.
But again,
for you to understand
what you need to do going forward,
we've got to get to the root issues,
we've got to look at the bigger picture.
There's so much more to talk about.
But if you are a believer,
let me just throw one more thing at you,
pray about it.
And I know that sounds really simple
and that may not be as easy for everybody.
But when you are conflicted in life,
when you don't know which way to go,
going to God is one of the best things that you can do.
Now, some people may say,
listen, if somebody's cheating on you
of course, God's going to tell you walk away.
That's not necessarily always true.
Because again, there's a bigger picture to this.
There's a lot more factors we have to consider.
It's not always that simple.
It's not always that black and white.
But go to God
and trust your intuition as well, all right.
Trust your spirit talking to you
because you need that discernment
in those moments where you're not sure
how to handle things and which way to go.
So, as I said earlier,
there's a lot more we can unpack,
there's a lot more we can discuss.
But I want to get
the conversation moving on this topic,
infidelity to stay or to go?
Leave your vote below
we're taking that poll, stay or go?
What do you think you should do
when infidelity occurs?
And again, thank you for watching the video
be sure to like the video,
subscribe to my channel,
and check out all my other videos, all right.
I'm here to talk to you about
everything you want me to talk to you about.
So, I hope you're enjoying the videos
and I look forward to seeing you in the next one.