The other night I was taking Portia out to dinner, which
I do often, and I'm like that.
And I said, is there any place special you want to go?
And she said, no, I don't care, wherever you want.
So I took her to the Cheesecake Factory,
and then suddenly she cared.
She was like, oh.
Well, next time, have an opinion.
OK?
So I don't know if you've been to the Cheesecake Factory
lately.
But the menus are huge.
There's a lot of a menu there.
And this is true--
they're the only menus visible from space.
True story.
This is what the menus looked like when I was growing up.
It was just-- and these are all the food we had too.
This is-- we had a hamburger, a cheeseburger, fries,
and grilled cheese.
Those are the four.
Life was simpler back then.
Of course, your waitress was smoking
when she took your order.
But this is all we had to decide from.
And then they found artichoke and things like that,
and then we expanded the food groups.
So here's a menu from the Cheesecake Factory
that I stole.
And all right, so like, literally, I
didn't know if it was a menu or a Tom Clancy novel.
I was like, what is going on here?
And then it's actually if you-- it starts with their story.
It says, "Oscar and Evelyn Overton always dreamed
of owning a successful family business."
Actually, it's a pretty good read.
I got the menu on tape.
This is crazy.
OK, so it starts.
There's cocktails, and then there's more cocktails,
and then there's wines.
You don't even get to food till page 5.
And then it starts with small plates and snacks.
And that's not even appetizers.
So the small plates and snacks are appetizers
for the appetizers, I suppose.
And then there's several pages of appetizers.
And then there's pages of specialties.
There's specialties there, specialties there,
specialties there.
Then it's not special anymore.
You can't have that many specialties.
The point of specialties is there's just a few of them.
And then you get to a Coke ad because I
guess they needed a sponsor to pay for this thing.
Then there's two menus inside.
Here's the skinny, skinny menu.
And it's for people who are on strict, strict diets who
choose to eat at the Cheesecake Factory.
And then there's a one-page, simple menu.
It's like Cliff Notes for the menu.
Why not just go with this?