okay that's ridiculous everyone should know how to use tools here's a screwdriver now
guys i'm pretty sure that's not louise but i can't be certain someone introduce yourself
barney i i got your letter
dad so i'm not sure how to start this yeah
i think i need a drink me too glenn mckenna neat nice order up top by the way hell of
a time is that italian silk i love you daddy i'm so glad we're best friends now
make a muscle hey hey back when i was a kid you used to be a roadie you still do that not anymore
back in 83 i'm lugging amps for the stones through west germany and their tour manager loses his arms
bust surfing through a tunnel gnarly long story short i've been managing tours ever since and
that dude high-fives people with his face now do you get laid a lot big time
observe
oh my god that took you five seconds oh was it that long life's too short for chatty chicks
that's not what happened i'm not sure how to start this yeah i think i need a drink
me too glenda kennedy milk skim between you and me i had a lot of acid last night wow i think it
was the chili dog i had to take four tums i was up to like 9 30. when i was a kid you used to
be a roadie you still do that no i switched lanes years ago should explain i'm a driving instructor
now you get it right yeah no i get it i did something i'm not proud of i started bragging i
bet you didn't know this about me barney but i've published two non-fiction books about asparagus
and one fiction i'm credited with inventing the word furbling it means fumbling for
keys so then all the county fair judges started chanting more quiche more quiche
i guess you could call me the lebron james of drapes
what a hottie huh i'm sure you're a real player observed
excuse me that's my son over there i'm trying to reconnect with him after 30 years would you
just write down any seven numbers here so that i can impress him please i'm desperate
oh my god you're a natural hello you must be barney i'm cheryl it's just so so nice to
finally meet you i love that suit oh thank you very much when i got your letter i dug this up
you were probably too young to remember but this is you this is me and of course zz top
i do remember that actually jj has a job tell them jj i got a paper route good time to get into print
media am i right dad good slam barney it's all good fun just ribbing among long-lost brothers
what gym do you go to fourth period sounds like you're having your fourth period am i right now
got him again sharing oh okay uh maybe that's enough just come down and talk to me why why
should i you're lame okay you're just some lame suburban dad why does that make you
so mad because if you were gonna be some lame suburban dad why couldn't you open that for me
barney i know i screwed up oh screwed up doesn't even begin to describe i know i
know i want to fix this and i don't know how please tell me what i can do i'll do anything
never gonna get it down like that
into the grooves
that's it now turn it righty tighty lefty loosey i have no good excuse barney
it took me years before i was even able to look myself in the mirror for the way i let you down
took courage to send me that letter
got it
i'd love nothing more than to be a part of your life
bye
well i'm just your uncle jerry so this is the last time i can see you but you're supposed to
take me to see that zeppelin cover band next week the night is gonna be jerry
now i'm gonna put this right inside your brain behind your ear
so that i'll know that you won't forget me
see you buddy hey never stop partying jerry you remember marshall he's a well-known writer
playwright we're all writers just some of us don't know what our story is yet
lily his wife well most nights mama don't let no rain get in the way of a good time
a little depressing so saturday night time to cut loose right who wants to split a beer the
clothes is open no clothes is close i don't know third base right yeah third base is all frat guys
daddy's home and granddaddy's home tonight rocks so hard i might be allergic to this stamp
no why don't you just go back home but i want to hang out with you
i want to hang out with crazy jerry not stay at home jerome you want crazy jerry
you got him
i apologize it might take a few minutes to kick in
hey sugar five beers for the table a seven and seven for me and your ten digits for this guy here
tonight crazy jerry gonna burn this disco down
i finally know what it's like to be embarrassed by my dad hey hey gary you you really want to be out
here like this oh sorry small town preacher from the midwest is there a log in dancing
no of course not i just this blows that's the greatest party in the world
the streets of new york yes let's do it you want to fight me well i'll fight you
dumbo
step on it not step one
son i was far more broken than you'll ever be and look at me now don't get me wrong settling down is
a challenge it's the biggest challenge of your life so how do you do it a magician never reveals
his greatest trick but i'll give you a hint you gotta meet the right girl oh and thanks for taking
such good care of this it means a lot to me that you kept it safe all these years i can't believe
you're getting married you've grown up so fast then again i did miss about 30 years of your life
so my husband's not going to go parasailing and he wants me to join him
yes
where the heck is this parasailing place you know what i'm going to call jerry
oh that's weird i just lost cell reception yes weird
oh hey there hi barney texted me to meet him asap but the stairs are wet
no broken yeah the stairs are broken oh i got the same text
are we almost there almost there give me my wife you son of a [ __ ]
we need help this could be very unsafe
you