Rebecca Zung: Are you ready to bring a narcissist to justice?
By the end of this video, you're going to know exactly how to give them that dose of justice
that they deserve. Rebecca Zung:
Hi, I'm Rebecca Zung. And I've been recognized as one of the top 1%
of attorneys in the country. And I've written a couple of bestselling books,
Negotiate Like You M.A.T.T.E.R. and Breaking Free: A Step-by-Step Divorce Guide. And I've helped
millions of people get out of toxic relationships, fight back, shift that dynamic, make a change.
And, if that sounds good to you, if that's something that you want to do,
then it's time for you to subscribe and hit the notification bell so that you can get notified
when I upload brand new content. Rebecca Zung:
So, you're dealing with a narcissist. And maybe you're dealing with them in a negotiation
setting, in a litigation setting, it's a dissolution of a partnership or a relationship.
Whatever it is, if you're dealing with a toxic personality and you want to get them the hell
out of your life, then how can you do that? How can you do that when you bring them to justice?
Rebecca Zung: So, the first thing that I do want to
say to you, and I have said this many, many times is that there's a huge difference between law
and justice. Law does not necessarily give you justice. Sometimes the lawyers or the judges
can't really do that much. All they can really do is apply the law, whatever that is. So, judges are
actually tasked with that. They're tasked with applying the law. And so, sometimes you think,
but that's not really fair because they've done this, that, or the other thing. And it's really
hard to get them to see what's actually going on sometimes. And a lot of times I get questions.
How do you get the judge to see? How do you get the evaluator to see? How do you
get the forensic accountant to see? How do you get whoever's involved to see what's really going on?
Rebecca Zung: Well, the first thing I'm going to tell you is,
do not say, that person is a narcissist, or that person is crazy, or that person is unhinged, or
bipolar, or whatever it is that you feel like saying, even if it's true.
Even if they're a bipolar drug addict crazy person, if you go in and you say that to
the mediator, the arbiter, whoever it is that is supposed to be meeting out justice to this person,
you're just going to come off as you're the crazy one. Because I'll tell you what happens. Judges
have way too many cases on their docket, and they just want them off their dockets. And people file
through all day long, hundreds of cases, and they just quickly try to figure out what's going on.
What's the easiest thing that I can do? What's the safest thing that I can do?
Rebecca Zung: A lot of times, they don't want to get appealed.
They get evaluated on how many times they've been appealed. You can actually, by the way,
go and research and look to see how a judge is doing. How many times they've been appealed,
how many times their cases have been overturned. And so, when it comes time for them to be
reelected, or reappointed, or whatever it is, however they got into that seat,
they don't want any black spots on their records. So, they just most of the time pick
kind of like the safe route. And it can feel very, very unsatisfying when you know that
you've been wronged or that they've been getting away with something for so long.
Rebecca Zung: I mean, narcissists do things like ignore
court orders, or show up, or send awful texts, or post terrible things on social media, or whatever.
And I can't tell you how many times clients have said to me, "How are they getting away
with this? How are they getting away with this?" So, the first thing you need to remember is that
the only person who actually has any power over anyone to make orders is the judge.
So, when you are going in front of the judge, you want to make sure that you have very, very strong
actual evidence, actual proof. And you want to make sure that you are presenting it
in a way where you're walking the judge to the conclusion that you want him or her to come to.
And that's exactly what I teach you how to do in the Slay Program, because you're creating that
strategy and the leverage. And you're showing the judge exactly what you need to show them
so that you can get them to come to the conclusion you want.
Rebecca Zung: So, that's one way. But another way is actually,
in mediation or in negotiations, how do you get them to come to the conclusion that you want?
Well, the only way to do that is to create that super strong leverage. And
the leverage is going to be something that threatens a source of narcissistic supply
that's more important for them to keep than the supply that they get from jerking you around.
Because there's kind of like a hierarchy of narcissistic supply for that narcissist.
And you have to threaten the source. That's higher level for them in order to
make them want to come to the table. And if you want to know more about leverage, check out my
video on that subject. And we'll make sure that we drop a link to that below as well. But this is all
part of what I teach in the Slay Program as well. And, if you are so ready to bring them to justice,
give me a bring them to justice in the comments. Rebecca Zung:
So, the next thing you can do when you are going to negotiate with them is make sure that you
are researching, not only your position and coming up with arguments that are
bullet proof, but also researching their side. Because one of the things that you're going to
want to do is be able to refute anything that they're going to say. So, you're going to do
the research as if you are them. What is it that I'm going to argue? And then, you're going to be
ready to refute that. Rebecca Zung:
And one of the most powerful things that you can do when you are negotiating with anyone is,
instead of even allowing them to bring it up and then you refuting it, you can even say right from
the beginning, "And I anticipate that you are going to say this. I anticipate that this is one
of your arguments. And here is why that doesn't work. And here is why that's refuted in some
way." And have really good information, facts, case law, statutes, whatever it is that you need
to refute that and say, "That's why that doesn't work." And then, now you have already sucked the
wind out of him. You have sucked the life out of them. And that's one of the ways that you can
start bringing them to justice. Rebecca Zung:
So, when you go to present your argument to them, or you present your... whatever it is that
you are asking for, your first offer, your second offer, you will want to make sure you ask for way
more than you actually want. Because remember, the narcissist is driven by making you crazy, making
you miserable, by getting that supply from you, from doing that. And so, you want to ask for way,
way, way more than what you actually want. And you kind of bury what you actually want in that
offer. And you throw them off the scent. Rebecca Zung:
Be very careful before when you're even early on having conversations with them. Don't say,
"The only thing that really matters to me is this," because then whatever that is, that's the
thing they're going to want to make sure you don't get. Okay? So, you can actually throw them off the
scent by saying, "Oh, the only thing that really matters to me is whatever." And it's something
totally different. So that, if you end up having to give that up in the end, they won't even know.
They'll think, "Oh, great. I got them." Rebecca Zung:
So, the one thing you have to remember though is, when you are bringing this narcissist to justice,
is that they're not going to know that you've brought them to justice. If you think that you're
going to be able to, not only get what you want, but also have them feel that way, it's almost
impossible. The best way to do it is to ethically manipulate them into thinking that they got one
over on you, thinking that you didn't get what you want. Because then you will actually be able to be
the one laughing as you walk away. When you end up settling for exactly what it is that you wanted,
you can be laughing to yourself, but you do your best acting job by going, "Oh,
well. Isn't that awful? I can't believe you got that. This is terrible. I'm never going
to be able to sleep at night." Whatever you need to say, because who really cares?
They still have to live with their narky selves for the rest of their lives. You don't. You get to
move on. You get to go and live your life. Rebecca Zung:
And truly... they say that living well as the best revenge. And it's true. Once you break
free and once you start your new life and you no longer have to live with that person anymore, it's
going to be so much better. And so, true justice will happen when you, not only got what you want,
but you've been able to just move on, and you've been able to break free, and you've been able to
forget about them. And that's when you know that you've actually beaten that narcissist. And,
if you want to know more about the signs that you've beaten the narcissist, check out my video
on signs you've beaten the narcissist. But one of them is that you have just moved on. You don't
even think about the many more. Life is sweeter. It's better. And it's a learning lesson. And then,
you start to be able to feel for others who are dealing with narcissists, just like me.
Rebecca Zung: I've had to deal with a couple of them
in my personal life. I've also dealt with them a lot in my law practice. And I can tell you that,
once you get on the other side of it, it's definitely going to be better. And isn't that
justice for the narcissist, because you're no longer there. They no longer have you. Their loss.
Rebecca Zung: So, if you are getting ready to negotiate with
the narcissist, grab my free Crush My Negotiation Prep Worksheet at winmynegotiation.com.
Join me in my free private Facebook group. We have so many people in there who are supporting
and helping each other and connecting. Come join me. It's Narcissist Negotiators with Rebecca
Zung. And make sure you like this video, share it, drop me that comment,
and subscribe and hit that notification bell. Rebecca Zung:
Thank you so much for joining me. Remember,
today is a great day to start negotiating your best life. I'll see you in the next video.