- Hello, I'm Ian from Smosh,
and today I'm interviewing some more of my exes.
I don't know who is coming through that curtain today,
but we're about to find out.
So let's bring out the exes.
No, no, no, no. - Oh, darling!
- Is he set?
Last looks, is he good?
Okay.
- I feel like this is,
I need to talk to HR after this.
- Ooh.
- What, why?
Dearie boy, hold on.
Oh,
okay.
How are you, sweet boy?
- Good, you got a little,
- What do you mean?
I got my new veneers.
Thank you for noticing. - Oh, okay.
- Oh, I've missed you.
- I've missed you too.
How are you?
- I'm good.
I'm really good.
- Yeah.
- Thriving.
- [Ian] Okay.
- Living it up in the streets of Sacramento.
- Oh, (bleep)
(audience laughing)
- What, do you miss your old makeup artist?
- Okay, yep.
I know who this is now.
- Mm-hm. - Uh-huh.
- Mm-hm. - Mm-hm.
How's, how's your grandkids?
- Oh, they're so good.
They're so good.
They're thriving. - Okay.
- Living it up in Sacramento. - Yep.
Good for you.
- I'm so glad you remember
so much about me.
- Yes, Elaine, our old Smosh makeup person.
Yes, you know me.
- Ian, Ian, Tay!
Remember, Tay Zonday?
Bring it in. - Oh.
- Bring it in. - Hi,
Tay. - Good to see you.
- Oh, wow.
Wow, Tay.
Tay Zonday. - Yeah, it's me.
Tay Zonday. - Yes.
- I haven't seen you in so long.
You look great, man.
- Thank you.
- Yeah. - Thank you.
- You need, let me just,
- Oh, thank you.
- Thank you. - Thank you.
- Thank you. - Gosh.
- [Chuck] I'm back.
- What the (bleep)?
(audience laughing)
- You thought you were rid of me,
but either you'd come back or I would,
just as I always promised.
(chuckling)
- [Tay] Oh.
- Oh my. - Wow.
- [Chuck] So let's talk.
- This is wish.com Chuck E Cheese.
- [Chuck] It's Charles to you.
- Okay, all right.
Chuck is the name that my friends call me.
Chuck Entertainment Cheese.
So you call me Charles with that sweet mouth.
- Okay.
I'm sorry, Charles.
- It's Chuck.
- Okay.
I'm sorry, Chuck. E. Entertainment Cheese.
- [Elaine] He's probably smiling under there.
- Yeah, I think so.
Okay, so Chuck E. Cheese
of the Children's Arcade Play Place Pizza Place,
Chuck E. Cheese.
For those that don't live in the States.
What initially attracted you to me?
- [Chuck] Oh, I saw great things in you, Ian.
You were lackluster, awkward, and boring.
Plus there was only darkness and coldness behind those eyes.
You looked like a husky
who would watch this whole pack die in an avalanche.
Exactly what we need
for a Chuck E. Cheese employee,
where a kid can be a kid.
(chuckling)
I've seen countless employees
lose the light behind their eyes,
but you never had it to begin with.
You had a knack for being juvenile,
and wearing costumes to sell things to kids.
And look at you now.
You're being juvenile
and wearing costumes to sell things to kids.
What is YouTube but a child casino?
- Oh, so true, bestie.
Wow. - A paycheck?
- [Chuck] Damn straight.
- Hell yeah.
Oh.
- Charles, have some decorum.
What are you doing?
(audience laughing)
- He's getting ready.
- Yeah, he does this sometimes.
It's his method of self soothing.
- Okay. - So Tay,
what initially attracted you to me?
- I mean, what can I say?
We were the kings.
Like the pharaohs of old, at parties, on YouTube.
And when you dropped the Zelda rap,
I thought, that's the guy.
That's the guy.
Your voice is just such a good opposite to mine.
It's light, it's easy.
Mine's deep.
Mine's manly.
Yours is effeminate.
It's gentle.
It's soothing.
Mine's right in your face.
It gets you right from the get-go.
- Yeah, it's a very, very deep voice.
That's what you're known for.
- That's what I'm known for.
- You know, starting off with "Chocolate Rain,"
as we all know. - Right.
And ending with "Chocolate Rain."
- No.
- You're right, you're right, you're right.
- Come on.
- You're right, you're right.
- I did the makeup for "Legend of Zelda Rap."
- Great work. - Yeah, that's true.
- [Chuck] Wait, you're that Elaine?
Whoa, nice. - Yes, that's right.
Thank you, I'm the Elaine, bitch.
(audience laughing)
- So Elaine, what initially attracted you to me?
- Oh, well, it was so hard not to.
I was painting your face every single day,
and you were stoic.
Wouldn't crack a smile, no matter what.
Anthony would crack his little jokes.
Not even a smirk from your face.
Very easy to do makeup on a very dead face.
But my passion for makeup became a passion for you.
- Oh. - Oh, yeah.
Many nights we spent in that makeup chair.
- Yes we did.
- Yeah. - In that little closet
that we turned into a wardrobe room
that was turned into a makeup room.
- That was then turned into the Smosh games room.
Yeah. - And then it was
then turned into not ours anymore.
- Yeah. (audience laughing)
(Chuck chuckling)
Yeah. - Yeah.
- Well, we know a lot about closets, Chuck E.,
'cause that's where you were always hanging up,
- That's true. - before I
put your skin on.
- [Chuck] That's true, that's where I stopped being me,
and started becoming the one that lives on the outside.
If I could stay in this skin forever, I would.
And that was my dream for you.
It's still possible, Ethan.
- What?
- I'm just gonna move on to the next question.
Chuck E., what was your favorite memory of us?
- [Chuck] Oh, I've got a couple.
I can remember this one like it was yesterday,
I loosened the bolts on one of the attractions.
You saw it, but you did nothing to stop me.
A kid fell and broke his arm.
We just watched him,
for three full minutes.
Of course, afterwards we called the ambulance.
(chuckling)
You remember that photo of us?
- Of course.
Yeah, I have this hanging up in my house.
- Yup, there it is. - It's us.
- Oh wow. - Wow.
- [Elaine] Look at you.
Look at that pubescent skin.
- [Chuck] Look at us go.
- [Tay] Chuck, you look a little different.
- Wow. (audience laughing)
You do look a little
different. - I guess time
ravages us all, doesn't it, Tay?
- Oh my. - Yeah.
Well, you know, the pandemic affected us in different ways.
Elaine. - Hi!
- Gosh, we've shared so many memories.
I'm sure you couldn't narrow it down
to your favorite one, but could you try?
- Years of mammaries, oh.
- Mammaries?
- Mammaries.
Yes, just,
eyes are up here.
Ian. - Sorry, sorry.
- I know.
Yes, I remember there was one night
after a crazy shoot where I gave you a ride home,
'cause your mom wasn't there that one time.
She was there a lot.
But I drove you home, gave you a ride,
helped you take off your makeup,
and helped you take off a little more.
And we took off a little bit more.
And then we got a little crazy
in Crazyville, in the bedroom.
Woohoo!
- Yeah, you just did that a lot.
- Yeah.
I mean, taking someone's virginity is a big deal.
(audience laughing)
I'm very proud of you.
- [Chuck] Dude, nice.
- Si.
Proud of you.
(Elaine giggling)
- Tay,
what was your favorite- - Streamer Awards, 2006.
- Oh.
- Remember? The Streamer?
It was me,
it was Anthony,
Fred, Fred was there.
- Mm-hm, mm-hm.
You don't remember?
We got tattoos.
- Okay.
- Fred, Ian, Anthony, Tay, FIAT.
We got,
- Oh, oh yeah. - Let me see what you got.
- Nice. - Oh!
- [Ian] Yeah, yeah.
- You don't have yours?
- I,
- Bro. - may have had it removed.
- Ian. - Yeah.
Well, you know, after Fred,
- After Fred's big thing.
- Yeah, after his big thing.
I removed that.
And then when Anthony left,
- Yeah. - you know,
then I had to erase that one.
Oh.
And then it was just you and me.
- [Elaine] It was just IT.
- And it was just IT.
- It's just IT.
- Yeah. - It was IT.
- Yeah, and I was,
and then people just, whenever I was going out to the beach,
people were like, what's IT?
And I was like, it's IT.
And they'd be like, I don't get it.
So I just removed the whole thing.
Yeah, sorry.
- Is he sleeping?
- I can't tell if he's - Oh, (bleep).
- glaring at me or,
- [Chuck] What is life, but a dream anyway, Elaine?
- Oh my gosh.
- He smells like meat.
- [Chuck] That's 'cause of all the meat.
- Yeah, he never describes what the meat is.
- [Chuck] You never asked about the meat.
- He just offers you meat.
- [Chuck] Would you like some?
- Not right now. - Good.
- Tay.
- Yes? - What's it like to kiss me?
- Well, we never kissed physically,
except for that one time.
But that's between me, you and Tyler Oakley.
But we kissed creatively. - VidCon, 2005 was a,
- Was a crazy time.
Crazy time.
- Crazy time, crazy time.
- But our kiss was more a creative kiss.
- Mm.
- What's a creative kiss?
- [Chuck] It's like docking.
- It's like docking.
- It's like docking. (audience laughing)
- Yeah. - Oh, I haven't tried that.
- You can't. - You cannot.
(Elaine scoffing)
- Don't tell me what I can
and can't do. - Don't tell her what to do.
- I will try.
- Okay.
- Elaine, I know our first kiss
was nothing like docking, but,
- Because I don't know what it is.
- But what was it like,
what was it like for you?
- Kissing you was fine,
we didn't do much of it.
We did some of it, but you'd go right to the milky bags,
be right onto the mommy town.
Right down, you had no problem latching on.
- I'm a simple boy.
- You are a simple boob boy.
(audience laughing)
- Your mother and I bonded
over how easily you latched
when I would paint her for your videos.
What?
(audience laughing)
- Tay? - Yes.
- Why did we break up?
- Creative differences.
We had that amazing video that you wrote.
- Yes. - "Obama Gangnam Style."
- "Obama Gangnam Style."
Yeah, it was gonna be,
- It was gonna be huge.
- It was gonna be the next "Despacito."
You cast yourself as Obama.
- Yeah. - You cast me as Biden.
- Yeah.
- You cast Anthony as Hillary.
It was gonna be great.
- Yeah. - It was gonna be really good.
And I don't know, we just,
we just never fell through.
- Where do you think I went wrong with that video?
- Honestly, honestly?
- Yeah. - I think it was
the truckload of women that we brought in for it.
Too expensive.
We lost budget.
- Yeah. - We lost budget.
- Also, where did they all
come from? - Right?
- They just came in a truck. - In a truck.
- Yeah.
- Like, who didn't drive the truck anymore?
- Yeah, and like, where did we get all of them?
- [Tay] Right.
- It was a truck full.
- Right. - Elaine, why did we break up?
- Well, you left Sacramento.
You moved to Hollywood, and I couldn't leave Sacramento.
Legally.
I can't leave Sacramento.
I have two warrants out.
- Oh. - Yeah.
It's okay.
It's okay, I assume that you just wanted
to go pursue those Hollywood boobies,
because you found something better than me.
And I accept that now.
- Oh, okay, Chuck.
Why, I mean, I could, I could guess why,
but why did we break up?
- [Chuck] Well, gee, whizz Ethan.
One morning I woke up with this pain
in between my shoulder blades.
That ever happened to you guys?
Turns out it was a knife in my back.
Because you, who I had prepared for greatness,
teaching you how to entertain kids,
took that skill and went off with the pretty one
to go make YouTube content.
I saw great things in you, Ian.
You could have been a manager.
- Mm. - And yet here you are.
- Yeah,
yeah.
- You're kind of a bitch. - You're right,
I should have stayed there
and continued to make 25 cents over minimum wage.
- [Chuck] Yes you should have.
- Also, I think I find it really interesting
that both you and Damien call me Ethan.
That's weird.
Elaine, do do you have any secrets that you kept from me?
- I'mma give it to you straight, homeboy.
(audience laughing)
These boobies are fake.
(Chuck and Tay gasping)
That's right.
You can still produce with little implants in there.
And I did, and I didn't pay for the bill.
So I have two warrants out.
One for each breast.
- Uh-huh. - Oh.
- That's why I can't leave the city of Sacramento.
- So you did like a dine and ditch,
but with boobs. - Breast enlargement.
Correct.
- Okay. - So,
these are what you call fugitive fun bags,
Tay knows all about them.
Oh yeah, another secret.
We have hooked up - We slept together.
- once or twice, yeah.
- Bro.
- No, oh,
Thank (bleep) God.
- You (bleep) go, you (bleep) go.
- I mean, clearly there's enough to go around.
- Uh huh, yeah, you a latcher too?
- I'm a latcher.
- Yeah, yeah.
(audience laughing)
Yeah, you look like a latcher.
Tay, did you keep any secrets while we were together?
- I do have one secret.
There was a night that me and Fred and Anthony
were hanging out, and you had gone off,
I don't remember where you were,
but we got,
- Another? - Another tattoo.
- Oh! - Incredible.
- I'm sorry.
(audience laughing)
- Honestly Tay, - Yeah?
- (Bleep) you. - No, don't.
- Yeah. - Don't.
- (Bleep) you. - Please, I,
- That tattoo meant a lot to me.
Before I erased it.
- How was, I, I didn't
- How could you?
- Listen, okay?
I know our relationship meant a lot to you.
I was the I to our FIAT.
- Okay, well then maybe we can work something out.
Maybe we can,
- I can help you cover it up,
- It's too late, - if you'd like.
- I don't want to cover it up.
I want to remember my mistake.
(audience laughing)
- Chuck, did you keep any secrets while we were together?
- [Chuck] Ah, secrets.
I haven't just been sitting
on these feelings all these years, Ian.
I've been doing little things in my own way.
Remember those rats that got into your garage,
and started eating away at your classic car?
- Yep. - I do have my little birds.
- Birds, or rats? - Or rats?
- [Chuck] Birds are rats.
- Tay, did you learn anything from dating me?
- I learned you have to keep changing.
You keep evolving.
You have to keep improving on yourself,
and not to tattoo everything on your body.
- Chuck, did you learn anything from dating me?
- [Chuck] I did.
Every morning I wake up,
and I become myself by putting on this mask, this suit.
And I don't know who I am until I do.
But you, your mask is built in.
You already start and end your day with it.
I see the darkness that lurks within you,
even if no one else does.
And one of these days you will submit to it.
But until then, keep making the kids laugh, big guy.
Poggers!
(audience laughing)
- You're nothing without the suit.
You don't deserve to wear it.
- Wow. - What did you say?
- Says the man in the suit.
- Oh, I'm a lot without this suit on.
- Elaine, did you learn anything from dating me?
- Well, for one that I produce naturally.
I mean, come on.
I'm like a fricking fountain of motherhood over here.
I would hear you cry, and boom.
Just a flourish of me.
And now to this day, I still sense when you're crying.
In every video, it's a clear cry for help.
Are you feeling a sense of longing?
- I'm just trying not to cry right now.
- Don't do it.
Don't.
- I'm afraid of - I'll just,
- what's gonna happen. - I'll spew.
- No.
- Okay, last question.
Chucky, we're gonna start with you.
Chuck, sorry.
- Charles. - Charles
Entertainment Cheese.
If you had the last word, what would you say?
- Oh, oh, oh,
he do got a dump truck.
- [Chuck] Poggers!
- My man.
My man.
- God, that was weird. - Wow.
- What a weirdo.
- Yeah.
Yeah, smells really bad too.
- It does. - Yeah.
- Reeks.
- It's a combination of 10 people's sweat.
- Mm.
- Mm, I miss that smell.
From my orgies.
- Yeah, yeah.
(audience laughing)
- Tay, if you had the last word, what would you say?
- I have a word.
- [Ian] Oh, okay.
(Tay clearing throat)
- Oh no.
- This is for you.
- Make sure you move away from the mic to breathe.
- Don't, don't.
- Oh, sorry.
♪ Vanilla sun ♪
(audience laughing)
♪ Revoke your religion and just become a nun ♪
♪ Vanilla sun ♪
(audience laughing)
♪ Grow out your hair and put it in a bun ♪
♪ Vanilla sun ♪
♪ I heard the other day ♪
♪ that like 90% of people can trace their ancestry ♪
♪ back to Attila the Hun ♪
(all laughing)
- Wow. - Wow.
What a treat. (applause)
- The voice of a generation, everybody.
- Yeah, what a treat.
- Okay, if you had the last word, what would you say?
- Though we didn't have a strong enough foundation,
I'll never be able to conceal my feelings for you.
Now if you'll excuse me.
I need to replace my breast napkins
that have been absorbing
from your clear cry for help
that's been happening throughout this video.
But let me just squeegee this out,
and give you, here you go.
One for the road, dear.
- Oh, thank you. - There you go, baby boy.
- Thank you. - Oh, so proud of you.
- Yeah. - Oh, boop boop.
You got a little new zit coming there.
Love you. - All right.
- Bye!
- Bye, bye.
Oh, okay, oh wow.
They're just, they're just protruding,
oh God.
- [Chuck] Do you dream of me?
- What? - Do you dream of me?
- No, and I hope to never think about you ever again.
Would you like some breast milk?
(audience laughing)
We have two videos on the screen.
You can click either one of 'em.
I think one of them is probably our last "Exes."
It's a good time.
And I'll see you later.
- [Chuck] I already finished, I need more.
- Some milk? - You are
so crazy. - I gotta have milky.
(signal tone beeping) - I would like
to stop talking about this.
- Then why do you keep asking questions?
- [Ian] Please.