Martin: Drag... Race. There's no actual racing.
(Titles appear: Irish People Watch RuPaul's Drag Race)
Eureka (Drag queen): Like a phoenix from the ashes! Éadaoin (Éad): This is Eureka.
Tom: Like a mixture of a Charizard and a chicken.
Eureka: I'm here to fucking slay.
(both laugh)
John: I've a question. Éad: Yeah?
Éad: You're gonna ask about... how they... tuck their bits in?
John: Yeah! (both laugh)
John: He has no... Éad: It's called "tucking."
Éad: So, you literally tuck it and tape it. John: Ohh, like a goat.
Sarina: That looks like Lady Gaga.
Tom: Oh no, I fancy... her.
Éad: Love her! Love. Her.
Sarina: How do they do their make-up better than I do?
Darren: Tell ya what, they got tremendous style whether in drag or not.
Martin: I hope they make grand entrances like this every time they walk into a room.
Éad: Look at this. John: Oh, hello!
Éad: Gorg. (Gorgeous)
Kameron: My name is Kameron Michaels and I'm the muscle queen from Nashville, Tennessee.
Tom: Yeah, she's pretty ripped. Darren: Yeah.
Darren: Look at those tats! Tom: Yeah.
Darren: Sorry, tits.
Éad: A lot of them actually make their own clothes as well which is really impressive.
John: That is really impressive. Éad: A lot of them do, yeah.
John: He's got some hoop on him, doesn't he? Or she has some hoop on... him?
Sarina: I want to be their friend.
Tom: I'd actually say she'd kick the shit outta me. Darren: Yeah.
The Vixen (Drag queen): I'm just here to fight!
Sarina: Ugh, she's amazing!
Sarina: She is my spirit animal.
Éad: This is The Vixen.
Éad: Like, The Vixen is... the one that's causing all the trouble at the moment.
John: I'm so glad we're paired together 'cause you're a fountain of knowledge.
Martin: They all have great legs, don't they? Sarina: Yeah, they do. They go on for days.
Martin: Yeah... I'm confused.
John: Miss Vanjie! Éad: Miss Vanjie!
Kalorie (Drag queen): Does that mean I'm a pageant queen then? Asia (Drag queen): Have you won one? Kalorie: I've won all them I've competed in.
Darren: I've competed in one.
Martin: I think I've got my drag name. Sarina: Oh?
Martin: The Bitchy Butcher. (Sarina laughs)
Martin: And I walk out and I go "Who wants steak?"
RuPaul: The winner of RuPaul's Drag Race receives a one-year supply of Anastasia Beverly Hills cosmetics and a cash prize of $100,000.
Tom: How do they put the cosmetic thing first?!
John: I wanna go - I'll go on it! I'll shave this. Éad: (like an evil villian) One hundred thousand dollaaarrs!
Sarina: There's the man himself.
Éad: RuPaul is fab.
Darren: Ah, he's dressed like a... 1970's wallpaper.
John: I don't recognise who the lads are... out of their... Éad: Oh, do ya not? John: No.
Éad: You get used to it as the episodes goes on.
Aquaria (Drag queen): I'm very comfortable in front of a camera and I love me a good photoshoot.
Darren: You'd have to comfortable in front of a camera if you signed up for a reality TV show.
RuPaul: You need to serve three lewks.
Éad: Lewks. John: What's a lewk?
Éad: A lewk... Your lewk.
John: What are ya lewking at? Éad: Yeah.
Sarina: I'm getting real invested in this now. I'm like 'Yes, show me more looks.'
RuPaul: The queue for the bathroom at RuPaul must be just in-- criminal.
RuPaul: Start your rocket engines.
Éad: Ooo! And may the best woman win!
(both laughing at the queens scrambling) Éad: Okay, so they have to make outfits out of what they've been given.
Tom: When they're not in drag, they just look like the cast of Glee.
Asia (Drag queen): Should be on the bottom of the foot, 'cause that's not gonna slide through the machine.
John: That's sound of her!
Mayhem (Drag queen): She's the black Martha Stewart, showing everyone how to do everything correctly.
Asia: Look, I'm not Mother Teresa. Tom: (taken aback) You're not Mother Teresa?
Asia: It makes me feel like the mother of the group. Sarina: Awww.
Éad: They just have such good banter. They're so funny. All of them. Because they're performers and entertainers, they're all so witty and so on the ball and the jokes are just left, right and center, I love it.
Drag Race: (deep-voiced laugh)
Darren: Laughs like Dr. Hibbert.
John: I'm gonna laugh like that. (John & Éad both mimic the laugh)
Tom: Woah, here we go. It's like the start of Robot Wars.
Éad: Ready? John: (amazed) OH!
Éad: (singing) Cover girl, put the bass in your walk.
Éad: (singing) Head to toe, let your whole body talk.
Darren: I feel like I'm on LSD or something. Look at the colours. Tom: Yeah...
Sarina: Wait, is that RuPaul? Ohhh! Martin: Yeah.
RuPaul: Start your engines and may the best--
Tom: I don't wanna see any of these people start their engines. I just feel like there'd be liquids involved.
John: She made that, like? Éad: Yeah.
John: Class!
Sarina: I feel like the outfit could have, like, had a bit more pizzazz.
Martin: Very impractical in space.
Éad: That is awful, like. John: Why is it?
Sarina: How do they have so many nice curves?
Darren: It's Bane! (Bane impression) 'You think darkness is your ally.'
John: You're not feeling that, no? Éad: And it makes me so sad 'cause she's such... a strong competitor.
Sarina: I'm not feeling it.
John: You're not feeling that, no? Éad: Not feeling it.
John: I just think that's a... deadly skill to have to be able to make something like that.
Tom: Is there, like, an industry term for, like, a dick slip? Like if a little bit of willy just sneaks out?
Darren: A cock shock. (Tom laughs)
Éad: This is A1. Look at that, like!
Sarina: That's pretty cool.
John: So, they're all through, are they? Éad: Yeah, and this is the top and the bottom.
John: Okay. Jeepers! Imagine, like-- You'd be like 'I have no idea. Am I the best or the worst here?'
Michelle (Drag Race Judge): Just looks really sloppy, like Marcy in a school play.
Éad: Yeah, not good.
John: Monét... She gotta up her game! She's better than that and she knows she is. (slams table) Ugh!!
Michelle: More fun but really kinda basic.
Darren: (gasp) You basic bitch.
Sarina: They're so mean and catty. Martin: Yeah.
RuPaul: How many of the girls did you help with the sowing?
Asia: Um... I helped everybody with their looks.
(The other queens agree) "Everyone" - "Everyone" - "Every single person."
Michelle: Did that take time away from you doing yours? Asia: It did but I felt like my time was spent... (crying)
Tom: Aww... Darren: Oh, man.
John: Oh, see that's where I'd fall down. I'd be helping out everybody. Éad: No.
Martin: Moral of the show; don't help anybody.
John: Is she gone?
John: Don't tell me. DON'T TELL ME!!
RuPaul: I'm sorry, my dear, but you are up for elimination.
Tom: I like how RuPaul says "my dear" to soften the blow.
Éad: So, if you're in the bottom two, you have to lip sync for your life.
John: Lip sync for your li-- As in, whoever does the best lip sync gets-- Oh my god, pressure!
Darren: So, I think Monét is gonna stay.
John: Do they both sing the same song at the same time? Éad: Yep, against each other!
RuPaul: Good luck... and don't... f*** it up.
Tom: Woah... Darren: Man...
Sarina: Why do they have to lip sync? Martin: It's for their life!
Sarina: (laughing) They kill them afterwards!
John: What if they don't know the words? Éad: You have to. They, like, spend the week practicing.
Darren: Or maybe they're just doing the whole, you just mouth the word "rhubarb" to make it look like you're saying anything.
John: (laughs) It's so funny, they're like 'Look at me!!'
Tom: 'Dad! Dad! Look at me, Dad! Dad!!'
John: What happened there?
Éad: (laughing) She, like, went to do a jump and then she was like "Nah, honey..."
John: (singing) Hotter and hotter, sexy and hotter, let's put it down.
Sarina: (shocked) Oh my God!!
Darren: Thank God there was tape involved 'cause imagine slamming those off the floor.
John: There's only one winner. God love her, she tried.
Tom: That's an easy decision, isn't it? I mean, unfortunately.
Tom: She's like a really ruthless Roman Emperor. Just like Aagghhh!
Darren: RuPaul? More like RuthlessPaul, am I right???
Dusty (Drag queen): You have changed my life completely. I'm eternally grateful and I love you all. Thank you.
Sarina: That's a nice way to leave.
Darren: That was very gracious. Tom: Very gracious.
Darren: If I was there, I'd be like 'Fuck you!!'
Darren: 'I spent hours getting me cock and balls to not fall out!'
RuPaul: And remember, if you can't love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else? Can I get an amen up in here?
Éad: Amen!
John: Amen, RuPaul!
Darren: That was an emotional rollercoaster.
Tom: Yeah, I wasn't expecting tears!
Éad: That is what you call; good television. John: That's whopper TV.
Darren: Ehh, this is good but I much preferred the original novel.
Martin: It'd be great if all the conflicts in the world were solved by a lip sync.
Tom: I'd just love to know all the backstage goss. Like, who hates who? Who's sleeping with who? What's going on?
Tom: I wanna know the behind-the-scenes. Darren: Oh yeah, people are f***in'.
Darren: You can appreciate all the work that goes into not actually being on stage, but behind-the-scenes. Like, having to put stuff together, memorize lyrics, put a routine together. Like, it's a helluva lot of work!
John: Very good. Very good TV. I'll be watching it again!
John and Éad, one word at a time: Hey - Guys - Everyone - Should - Subscribe - To - TRY. - Right Now - Because - It's - The - Best - Ever!
(both woo-ing) John: That was good! Éad: That was good!