Hey there it's clay with modern love.life. And in this video, we're going to talk about
some things that are going to make your ex not come back to you. Uh, now this is really
frustrating for me because I hear a lot of people's stories about their relationship,
why it's not working out what they're going through, and it can be really frustrating for me
when I'm reading through someone's story about what's going on, I'm listening to them, all that
sort of stuff. And I'm hearing some things that are actually sounding pretty good. I'm hearing
some things that sound like, okay, that your, your, your ex, your partner actually kind of
wants to work things out here. But then I'm seeing the actual client doing things to sabotage the
relationship, doing things, to sabotage their own progress. And, um, you know, when it makes sense,
I'll go ahead and let them know that. And hopefully they, they are coachable enough
to actually want to get that taken care of. Uh, but sometimes people are just so closed off, so
unwilling to take feedback or criticism or things like that. I'm not open to doing things at a
different way, and that's okay. But you know, you're, you're, you're talking to someone who
wants to coach you here and you're supposedly reaching out because you want help anyway,
things that are going to cause your ex to never come back to you. Now, the first one
is if you're operating from a place of being extremely panicked and in damage control mode,
now damage control mode is that state of being that we talk about where you're basically,
uh, highly panicked, you know, oftentimes you're in this state of mind after your breakup,
or whenever you get some sort of, you know, really shocking news, like, oh my goodness, you're
dating someone new or something like that. Uh, but you know, it causes your, your stomach,
your stomach to drop, uh, causes you to text a million times a day. It causes you to beg and
plead. It causes you to, um, you know, promise up and down that things are going to be different
apologize, a million times, all that sort of stuff. And again, I have been there more times
than I'd care to admit. So I get it. I understand where you're coming from, but this is also
not going to help you to get back together with your ex um, your ex needs to be able to connect
with you emotionally and be able to actually have a strong, meaningful quality connection with you.
If they're going to want to get back together with you, if you're just not even yourself,
how can they even connect with you? If you're acting out of character, how can
they actually connect with you as a person? So you need to get your emotional world handled.
You need to be able to get that damage control stuff taken care of. That's why
we have the emotional content inside of the X solution program. That's why we also have the
emotional freedom course. Um, emotional freedom is really about sort of that deeper emotional work.
Um, but, uh, yeah, you got to get that handled. The next thing that people often do
that holds them back and actually makes their ex not want to get back together with them
is that they are living their life and making their life not okay without their ex they're
saying like, okay, my life is never going to work because we're not together. My life is never going
to be good because I'm not, we're not together. I'm never going to be happy again because we're
not together. I'm just depressed. I can't get myself to do anything,
all that sort of stuff. And I get it. You know, you might feel down,
you might be having a hard time with life. You might be really unmotivated to do things. Um,
however, we have to start thinking about what's going on in a bigger picture sense when someone
is going to choose to be in a relationship with us, they're basically saying, Hey, I could see
myself being with this other person. I, and basically if they're going to choose to be with
you, they're going to say, okay, I could see my life being better as the result of me being with
this other person that, you know, people aren't going to say, yeah, I want my life to be worse
by being with this other person, they want their life to be better. Uh, cause you know, most of us
operate from a place of self-interest. Um, and so if you're depressed, if you're
unmotivated, if you're not living your life for you and living your best life,
you're not giving them a good reason to want to be with you. Okay. So if you need to
do what you need to do to get that emotional stuff handled like we talked about before, um,
but also pick yourself up and live your best life. Yes, there is a lot that can be done by
saying certain things by texting your ex by having conversations with them. But a lot of the deeper,
more high impact stuff that isn't as flashy as, Hey, send this text message. Hey, tell them that
is going to be like, okay, how are you bringing yourself to an interaction that's actually going
to inspire them to want to choose to be you be with you to want them to choose,
to be in a relationship with you to get them to say, yeah, that's what I want.
My life is going to be better off because of that. The third thing that people do that causes their
ex to never want to come back is guilting them or shaming them, uh, guilting them or
shaming them about the breakup, guilting them or shaming them about how terrible they have it now.
Um, all sorts of stuff like that. This, this is not going to help the basically any form of,
of pressure when it's not the right time is going to cause them to want to distance themselves more,
pull back more. Um, because you know, yeah, we, we, we we've talked about this many times, but
you know, as, as a dumpy you feel a heavy sense of rejection of loss, of all of that sort of stuff.
Your ex feels a sense of loss as well too, but they also feel this sense of guilt.
You know, a dumper feels a sense of guilt because you know, none of us want to go out there and say,
okay, yeah, I'm going to break your heart. I'm going to make you cry. I'm going to make you sad.
I'm going to make you depressed. All that sort of people don't want to do that. If they found
themselves in a situation where they were having the breakup talk with you and it wasn't going very
smoothly, there was crying, tears, all that sort of stuff. They're going to feel guilty about that.
And whenever that feeling of guilt is agitated, they're going to probably pull, withdraw from you,
shut you out, et cetera, because they don't want to feel guilty, but this there's other things that
they do in this state of mind as well too. But that's a topic for another day. But basically if
you are guilting them, if you're shaming them, if you're making them feel bad, if you're causing
any of that sort of stuff to be agitated, then they're going to want to pull back.
They're going to want to decrease their connection with you. They're going to go backwards on those
five stages of getting back together. I don't think I've called that out in that video,
but we do have a video playlist called the five stages your ex goes through and getting
back together, please check it out up there. A lot of people have said it's been really super
helpful and insightful for them. It might be super helpful and insightful for you as well too.
But, um, it's going to cause them to start moving backwards in those five stages. So instead of
going, you know, up towards crisis point or new beginnings, we're going to actually start to move
backwards towards riding the dragon test drive, maybe even wall of reactants, depending on how
bad things get as we move on, by the way. Um, if you liked this video, please make sure you hit the
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Um, but yeah, moving on. Uh, another thing that people do that causes them to not, we want to
be with people who are going to add something to our lives. We want to be with people who are
living an awesome life. And there's one pretty much universal thing that about attractive
people and that they're going places. They're doing things they're out there living
their best life, whatever that means for them. That doesn't mean that you need to go and be,
you know, successful by whatever societal standard that may be. I mean, maybe you do,
maybe you go out there and you start a business, you get a promotion at work. You, uh, you know, do
all these other things. Maybe that's what it is. I don't know, but maybe that's not what your life
is all about. Maybe what's more important to you is traveling. Maybe what's more important to you
is family. Maybe what's more important to you is community, maybe a certain spiritual organization
or something like that, but either way, find out what your values are and live into them
because the more you live into them, number one, okay, more excited and passionate.
You're going to be about your own life. Number two, uh, the more you are going to
care me that passion and excitement into your, uh, interactions with your ex and that's going to
cause them to be like, wow, this person's really doing something interesting. I want to be a part
of that. And it's also going to allow you to light yourself up a lot more. And you know, obviously
that's going to be super attractive to a lot of people out there, uh, especially your partner.
And if it's not, then Hey, the right person will find that super attractive. And then, um, what
we also want to do, number five here is to make sure that we are putting on positive pressure. Now
we've talked, avoiding putting on pressure earlier on in this video. However, there is a point and
time when we want to put on positive pressure. Now, positive pressure is where we are.
Uh, you know, having some basically, uh, some, some form of healthy boundary when
that's necessary. Um, we're taking ownership and responsibility for it like, oh, okay, that's fine.
If you want to date other people, however, where I'm at is I'm looking for this. Uh, so if, if
that's what you want to do, then maybe I should do this instead. That can be positive pressure. Um,
other, other ways that you can also do this are actually put some pressure to, to get a decision
made when your ex is at one of those other stages, like, uh, you know, crisis point, you know,
up until crisis point. You know, you're still building that emotional connection and it makes
sense to keep the pressure low. However, at crisis point, we want to actually put the pressure on so
that there is a reason for them to actually make a decision rather than having it both ways and
stretching this whole, um, situation on a, for a lot longer than it really needs to go on for.
So, uh, please make sure that you do put on positive pressure when it makes sense to do so. So
in this video, we've talked a lot about your way of being, we've talked a lot about how you are
bringing yourself what you're doing, all that sort of stuff. Um, this is what we do talk about a lot
in our coaching program called commit. If that is something that you are interested in, we do
have the commit coaching program. You know, I do work with the people in that group for
quite a while and in a very deep sort of way. So it's application only. We want
to make sure that we're working with the right people, not just anyone. Um, so go
ahead and apply to it@modernlove.life slash uh, quiz. And you can go ahead and fill that out.
And if it makes sense for us to work together, we can have a conversation about that. And if so,
we'll do it. If not, then, Hey, no worries. But, uh, again, that's over@modernlove.life slash quiz.
There's of course, other ways that we can work together down in the description box below,
but, uh, take care, hope that helps you out and please make sure you hit that thumbs up
button for the YouTube algorithm, take care. And I'll talk to you next time.