How do you know if the person that you're seeing is the one?
What criteria do you use to determine that?
When I was growing up in my 20s, I wanted that experience that the media, that the movies
portray.
I wanted the heavens to part, lightning to strike.
I wanted that experience where the woman is slow motion and her hair is blowing and the
angels are singing.
Kind of like ... Yeah, kind of like that.
I wanted that.
I wanted to know within the first 30 seconds of meeting somebody that this was the one
because I'm a total romantic.
And I would often go on first dates and at the end of that first date, if I didn't know
that I could spend the rest of my life with this person, I wouldn't ask her out on a second
date.
I would just assume, "Oh, this just must not be it."
And that absolutely was not working for me.
This last weekend I was in San Diego at this conference and a group of women were asking
me.
They said, "Mat, you've interviewed over 300 couples," America's greatest marriages.
People who had these extraordinary relationships.
"What's one of the best things that you learned from that?"
So I was describing to them one of the best things I learned is how to determine whether
or not someone is the one because the way I was doing it definitely wasn't working.
It wasn't giving relationships a chance.
And what I discovered is of all the couples that I interviewed, yeah, there were a very
small percentage of those couples that, the moment they met, they knew that this was the
person they were going to be with the rest of their life.
But the vast majority of couples had a very different experience.
The vast majority of couples, some of them it was a friendship that caught fire and then
grew into a relationship.
Some of them, the woman was like, "I didn't like him at all, but he kept pursing me and
I gave him a chance."
And then that ignited the romance.
Others, it was a slow progression into romance, but all of them ended up in the same place
of this deep, passionate, connected relationship.
So when I learned that and when I learned the strategy that they use, they said this.
They said instead of trying to decide if someone is the one on the first date, you ask yourself
a different question.
The question you ask yourself is this.
Do you want to see them one more time?
The moment they asked me that question, I felt like a thousand pound boulder had been
lifted from my shoulders.
I felt like I could relax and open up.
I was like, "That's an easy question."
The answer?
Yeah, I want to see her one more time.
And then they said because what you're really looking for is not the lightning, not for
them to flip every attraction trigger that you have.
What you're really looking for is the sense of peace and positivity.
So I challenge you.
Switch from, do I need to know if this is the one right away and have that electric,
lightning connection with someone to, do I want to see them one more time?
Is it easy to be together?
Is it peaceful when we're together?
Do I feel positive when I'm with this person?
And if you do, then lean in because you might be in a situation where it's a friendship
that catches fire.
You might be in a situation where it's a slow progression that ultimately grows into something
powerful.
But as you look at that, is it easy, is it peaceful, and do I feel positive with this
person?
As you lean into that, it will take you into something amazing as you just take one step
at a time.
Now, I have a question for you.
What's your criteria?
What do you like to ask yourself or what criteria do you use to know whether or not the person
that you're dating could be the one for you?
Or maybe you've found the one.
What criteria did you use to know that that was the person that you are meant to spend
the rest of your life with?
Go ahead and post it in the comments section below.
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