Hah!
Look at how this one landed.
That's hilarious!
Look, this ones doing a dirt angel.
That... could have gone better.
Anyone keeping a body count?
... you're a computer.
Yeah and your shitty at parallel parking, too.
Forget it.
Kind of dangerous... stopping to get that suit of armor on the way out.
There was no way I was spending another second in that pink sarcophagus of shame.
You seem to have lost your new-found verbosity.
What do you mean?
Swearing is an uncomely personality trait.
Didn't stop you from having a jolly old time taking a swing with the old fuck stick, did it?
I don't swear.
You called me a dickless bust.
Yeah that was great.
... come to think of it... things are a bit hazey.
Still smells a bit funny in here.
Uh-huh.
We should get going.
So where are we going?
It's not... exactly that easy.
How do you mean?
It's not so much 'where is it' as 'who has it'.
Okay... so who has it?
A group...
Of...?
Individuals from....
From...
Let's just say... they aren't domestic.
Like... foreigners?
Yeah.
Let's go with that.
How do you know these people have it?
Because we gave it to them.
Oh, how'd that come about?
Triage... has some curious proclivities.
That may, or may not, have been... documented... in a way... that he would
not prefer to be seen.
They made a sex tape didn't they.
Yeah pretty much.
And they black mailed him?
In a manor of speaking.
A group of foreigners with incriminating material blackmailing a powerful and
unscrupulous individual for personal gain, who ever heard of that happening.
Are they dangerous?
Extremely.
Should we be worried?
How strong is that armor in the pelvic region?
Seems to be... pretty solid?
That should do then.
Foreigners huh?
Looks like they just got back from a bender.
And... these guys have the cannon.
Correct.
Well... okay lets go.
So what now?
We knock.
Uh huh.
*knock knock*
What, hey was that door?
Fuck if I know dude.
Naw, naw.
I don't think so.
*knock knock knock*
Whoa whoa there it is again.
Who the fuck knocks on a door at 2 in the afternoon?
Where's the fucking decorum.
Hold on I'll get it
*record scratch*
Okay jesus fucking christ who the hell-
Oh.
Vincent.
It's you.
And you brought... friends.
Quark.
What does Triage want, Vincent.
We told him not to send anyone around here.
Triage is dead.
Oh. No shit?
So what are you here for, you looking for a job?
We just want to talk, Quark.
We're in the middle of something.
Pun intended?
Ha, ha, Geico.
It will be quick.
All right... well.
It better be, we have a crazy quota to make.
I remember.
All right then.
Back to work assholes.
Jesus christ.
Bother!
Holy shit is that...
Reginald?
Oh god my derrier!
Is that you chosen ones?
Dear god can you help me?
Oh... heyyyyy Reginald.
Look we're kind of here on business.
...this is awkward.
Okay Vincent, let's hear it.
Sorry... not to derail the conversation or anything but umm... what... exactly...
are you doing here?
What does it look like we're doing here?
Some twisted shit for the dark web?
We're probing.
For... what exactly?
Upper management.
... right.
Makes... sense.
Quark, we need to talk about the ca-
*ringing*
Hold on a second.
He- hello?
He looks... a bit... strange.
He's light years away, which means he's a bit back-in-time.
I think about 2009 to be exact.
Can you hear me?
Is my mic on?
I can hear you boss.
I can't hear you Quark.
Can you hear me?
I can hear you boss.
Can you hear me.
I can hear you!
I can't see your lips moving!
Can you hear me?
We don't communicate with our mouths boss.
Damn it I wish we communicated with our mouths!
Oh!
What how do I do that?
Tim get over here and help me.
Is this it?
I don-t oh right.
Got it yes.
There we go.
Are you receiving me, master peon Quark.
I can... high chancellor Gary.
Quark... you seem to have taken your helmet off...
what kind of astronaut exploring an alien world takes their
helmet off?
Seems to be fine so far.
Right, right.
Reminds me I need to check in with the Prometheus crew, they haven't
checked in for a while.
Oh, well, whatever I'll do it later.
Anyway how are things?
Fine... did you...
want a status report or something... high chancellor?
No just kind of saying... hey whats up.
You still seeing that one female?
Umm... no we... broke up.
Are we still... under our probing quota?
Oh yes of course.
Why do you ask?
We umm... have a lot of work to do...
Oh right yes, right right.
All that probing, right.
Oh I did have something here.
The high council has mandated that we will be expanding our probing program
beyond the undulate initiative.
Oh fucking wonderful.
What was that!
Wonderful, chancellor!
What new specimens shall we secure for the mighty Zeta
Prime.
This species you sent us a report on, these "death claws" we find most
interesting.
If you could get us five hundred probings by the end of the week
that... that would just be great.
All right... my dude.
Happy probing... lets kick it, and like, grab a beer or
something when you get back.
Sure... chancellor.
Anything else.
Naw homie... keep it cool... out there.
Right.
Signing off then.
Indeed!
Hail Steve and Signing off.
How do I- oh here we go-
That guy.
Is.
The fucking worst.
Wait, what was that last part he said?
Oh... bad fucking luck Vincent.
Well, this took a sharp turn.
Hah!
Karma bitches!
Hope you enjoy playing puppet for these nair-do-wells, you cowardly sods!
I take it you're no longer interested in business conversations?
Well... not whatever you had in mind.
Are you sure you want to do this Quark?
You could always just go with it.
We'll be very gent-
Naw sorry I couldn't even finish that sentence.
It's going to hurt like a bitch.
Well, looks like a lot of people are about to die.
Whoa, whoa, whoa pump the breaks.
Got something to say before we pop off, dandy man?
Yeah, your technique is shit.
Come again?
Your probing.
It's amateur.
And what the fuck would you know about it.
Yeah, the man knows what he's talking about.
What's your quota?
We have like, 50000 more probes to do before we can get off this fucking rock
and go home.
How long does it take to do a probe?
About an hour.
Oh god!
It's only been ten minutes.
That... is a lot of probing.
What if I could show you how to get that down to thirty?
Would that be worthwhile to you?
Cut our work load in half?
That's a hell of a claim, spanks.
But would it be worth it to you laddy?
What do you want?
You have something we need.
The cannon.
The what?
... the holy hand cannon?
No idea what you're talking about.
Big... what gun Triage gave you?
Oh that thing is a gun?
We've been smoking out of that for months.
Wooooooow...
Yeah sure, it's yours.
Now time to make good on that claim.
Okay, stand aside.
Okay so what you have to do is really get in there-
-and make sure you move it around like this.
You were doing this, but you should do that.
And when you get here-
*gross noises and Raul giving instructions*
... I... think I need a cigarette.
My god.
You're a master.
Yeah don't mention it.
Anyway can we get the cannon now?
Sure thing it's in the rec room.
We'll grab it for you.
Can we take Regi the verbose here, while we're at it?
Sure we're done with him.
Looks like you lucked out this time Vincent.
I think we both did.
Oh and FYI, a legion of extra-dimensional marauders are chasing us and may show up
and kill you all.
What?
I thought we were trying to reduce collateral damage from here on out?
Okay, cracky whatever you say.
You're a fucking space alien, are you really going to pull that card?
... good point.
Okay well, good luck.