Do you want to know what the subtle ways are that narcissists devalue you in conversation?
By the end of this video, you're going to have 10 of them.
So if you see any of these signs then perhaps you might be with dreaded narcissist.
Hi, I'm Rebecca Zung. And I have been recognized as one of the top attorneys in the country,
and I've written two best-selling books, Negotiate Like You M.A.T.T.E.R and Breaking Free:
A Step-By-Step Divorce Guide. And I've helped millions of people through this channel,
figure out how to get out of those lives of drama, trauma, and chaos,
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So, let's talk about 10 ways that narcissists just subtly devalue you in conversation. This
is not like a full-out devalue. Yes, they tend to do that too a lot of times. But this is an actual,
just a subtle devalue where it's just like, Ugh, that didn't seem good. Or maybe I'm imagining it.
It's almost like a gaslighting kind of thing to try to sort of make you think you're crazy,
but they're just kind of subtly devaluing you at the same time.
So, the first way that they subtly devalue you is maybe have like an instant attack of
pain somewhere, or they just generally seem bothered or just don't have patience. Like
you're starting to tell them something, you're really into it, it really means a lot to you,
or you really want their input from something and it's just, "Oh God," all of a sudden, "I just have
a rush. Oh, I thought there was a bug on me or something. Oh, gosh. Anyway, you were saying?"
And you were right in the middle of something really, really important.
And they almost can subtly sense like "Oh, here I am. I'm about to say something that
really means a lot to me." And they just subtly sort of like, "I'm bothered. I have an attack.
Something's going on with me. Suddenly I have an itch or a headache or I thought something was
happening." And it's just like enough to throw you off. And you're like, "Are you listening to me?"
But then of course, if they have this sudden attack or whatever and you say,
"Oh, you're not listening." "Oh no. I just had an itch or I just thought a bug was on me. Or I
just had a headache or something happened." But you notice that it happens every single
time you're trying to tell them something. That they suddenly have this sudden attack,
or they just seem bothered or distracted like they just aren't fully present.
So, that's number one. So, number two is, that they hear something. They hear something outside.
"Oh my God. I thought that was this. Or I thought somebody was at the door. Oh,
hold on a second. I thought I heard like an ambulance outside or a big bang or something."
And yes, that happens to people from time to time but this happens every time. Like every time
you're talking, there's something that distracts them from you and allowing you to make your point.
The next one is that they remember something. They remember something that they need to look
at. They remember something they need to do. "Oh my God, excuse me. I need to go and look at
the stove or something is going on. And "Oh, I need to text this person something
I just remembered." And it's just all like a way to trip you up off your game so that you
don't really get to make your point because they don't really want you to get to make your point.
They want to subtly let you know that what you're saying doesn't really quite matter to them.
And kind of closely related is, they need to look at their phone real quick.
They need to see something that's going on. "Oh, I just heard this beep. I need to go check it.
Oh my goodness. I'm really waiting for this particular call. This is really important.
I need to go grab this. So sorry, let me go check this. I'll be back." Something like that. And so,
there you are, especially if you're making a point that something that really means a lot to you,
that's even more for them to want to be distracted by that. And another video you can
definitely check out is, Signs of Narcissistic Texting. And you can check out that video to
see if the text messages that you're receiving are indication of somebody being a narcissist.
The next one is that they forget something you know that they should remember like, "Oh, hey,
what was the name of your friend again? I can never remember the name." Or "When is
your birthday again?" They just forget a detail of something that they know is really, really
important to you. And it just subtly devalues you right in that moment. And if you think that
this is so wrong and that the words that you are saying to this person matter because you matter,
I want you to write, I matter, in the comments right now. The next one that they do, and this
is very typical of a narcissist, very typical, is they take issue with your tone or your verbiage.
So that now the conversation is shifting. So even if you just say something like,
"It really hurts my feelings when you don't listen to me." Something like that, right? "Oh my God.
I can't believe that you said it that way. You're accusing me. You are yelling at me. I didn't like
the way you said that. Why do you have to speak so loudly that all the neighbors can hear you?"
And you're like, "I just said it hurts my feelings when, like I wasn't even yelling." "You were
definitely yelling. We should had a tape, blah, blah, blah." And so now you're talking about
how you said it, and you're finding yourself like, "I'm sorry. I didn't say it that way. I
didn't mean it that way." You're defending yourself. You're trying to apologize.
And you're just trying to get back to what it is that you were trying to say,
but since they don't ever want you to get back there, now you're talking about
how you said it or the words that you chose or something like that. So now the conversation
has shifted to that. And that way you don't ever have to get to the point of whatever it was that
you were upset about. Another one that they do all the time is they say, now's not a good time.
I'm busy. I'm with my friends. I'm tired. You always want to talk at a time
that it's like so inconvenient. Why do you have to choose now? And then you'll say, "Well, when is a
good time?" Well, of course, never, is the answer. It's never a good time, but that's not the point.
The point is that you chose the wrong time right now. And if you want to know more about a
narcissists favorite sayings, make sure you check out my video called, Narcissist Favorite Sayings,
and we'll make sure to drop a link to that below. The next one is not making eye contact. So,
you're trying to talk to them. It's another way of really just being distracted. I can't
pay attention to what you're saying because I'm over here, I'm over here. I'm looking
at stuff. I'm looking at things in the room. Oh my God, I never noticed that piece of lint over
there. "Oh, I'm sorry. What were you saying?" So not making eye contact is another one.
And the next one is, playing the victim by shifting the conversation back to them.
"Oh, I understand that you're depressed. I'm also depressed. The last few weeks have been really,
really hard for me. I'm still dealing with these issues with my mother
or my sister or my business partner or whatever." And suddenly you're now
talking about how awful their lives are and how they are a victim. The last one is one-upping you.
My trauma is worse than your trauma. So if you're trying to say like,
"I don't really appreciate when you expose me or you put me down in front of other people.
Can we not do that? Can we have a conversation that's private maybe afterwards if you're
upset with something that I've done?" "Oh, my gosh, you don't even know. You think
that this is bad. You think this is traumatic. You have no idea. My father used to do this,
that, and the other thing to me and dah, dah, dah." It's like shifting the conversation again,
but it's also one- upping you. It's also saying like, whatever it is that you're dealing with,
I've had it worse. So, whatever it is that you're dealing with, it really doesn't matter.
And it's, again, a way to devalue you. And this is certainly something that narcissists do
when you're trying to negotiate with them. They do all of these things, because here you
are trying to present your case, trying to present your arguments, trying to present whatever it is
that you're doing. And they're subtly devaluing you by not paying attention, by being distracted,
by shifting the conversation, by taking issue with your tone, all of these things that you
don't get to make your points. And that's why it's really, really important for you to have
a strategy and leverage and everything that I teach you in my sleigh program. But I want you
to start by getting my free, Crush My Negotiation Prep Worksheet, by going to winmynegotiation.com.
That's one place that you can start. Another place you can start is by coming and joining
me in my free private Facebook group called, Narcissist Negotiators with Rebecca Zung.
So join me in my private Facebook group, grab my free, Crush My Negotiation Prep Worksheet.
Two places you can start for totally free, and will give you so much value.
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because today is a great day to start negotiating your best life. I'll see you in the next video.