>> Speaker 1: 'Tis the season mother fuckers.
And because we'd all rather be sneaking around the mistletoe then doing our jobs,
this week we're going fast and dirty.
These are our picks for the top five holiday films of all time.
>> [MUSIC]
>> Speaker 1: Kicking us off at number five,
just in case you're still reminiscing about turkey, mashed potatoes, and
stuffing, we've got a couple of Thanksgiving movies to give thanks for.
Think classic Thanksgiving flicks, like Hannah and Her Sisters and Dutch.
Pieces of April and Home for the Holidays.
Or those that just happen to have a Thanksgiving scene,
like Scent of a Woman and Rocky.
For honoring the origins we like The New World, for fans of Arlo Guthrie,
we like Alice's Restaurant.
And you can never go wrong with a little Charlie Brown Thanksgiving.
However, for our number five we gotta confess that our favorite Thanksgiving
film of all time is Planes, Trains, and Automobiles.
>> [LAUGH] [COUGH] >> Speaker 2: Yeah,
well I'll see you tomorrow then.
Gobble, gobble.
>> Speaker 1: Sure, this film is one symphony of [BLEEP] too many to be
quite the family friendly fare most expect from a holiday comedy.
>> Speaker 3: A [BLEEP] Toyota, a [BLEEP] Mustang, a [BLEEP] Buick,
four [BLEEP] wheels and a seat!
>> Speaker 1: But it combines humor with heart in the best possible way.
John Hughes directs with his usual balance of hilarity and empathy.
While Steve Martin plays straight to arguably the best performance of
the late John Candy's storied career.
It's a high-concept odd couple movie that eschews stereotypes in favor of actual
human moments, and it absolutely shows.
Earning itself a place in the echelon of holiday classics.
>> [MUSIC]
>> Speaker 1: [SOUND] Next up at number four, we're looking at Hanukkah.
And honestly, it took us two seconds to do it.
No one is making Hanukkah movies.
What the hell Hollywood?
And don't give me some excuse about how Hanukkah isn't that big of a holiday in
the Jewish tradition.
Because then you'll have to find me a Rosh Hashanah movie, and
good [BLEEP] luck with that.
Your options are basically A Rugrats Hanukkah, Eight Crazy Nights, and
An American Tale.
Some Jewishy movies that don't really have anything to do with Hanukkah per se.
But I guess A Serious Man, Inglorious Basterds, and
Schindler's List might count.
There's Little Fockers, which, come on.
Or, our number four pick, the Hebrew Hammer.
>> [MUSIC]
>> Speaker 4: [SOUND] Ho, ho, ho.
>> [LAUGH] >> Speaker 1: What
better way to honor the exclusion of Jews from the winter holidays than by dressing
up as a militant Hasid ganging together with the Kwanza Liberation Front and
battling Santa's evil son all the way from Israel, to the North Pole, to Kmart?
A cult classic that takes the piss from Jews and goys alike.
It's completely unbiased in its offense, everyone is a target and no one is safe.
It's the perfect backdrop to a high stakes dreidel game over blood diamonds or
crack rock, take your pick.
>> [MUSIC] >> Speaker 1: [NOISE] Splitting the middle
at number three, we're turning our attention to New Year's Eve.
And for that we've got movies like When Harry Met Sally, The Poseidon Adventure
and its remake Poseidon, Ghostbusters 2, and the original Ocean's 11.
You might even be able to include films like Godfather 2 and
Boogie Nights if you really wanted to stretch it.
But with a little less stretching and
a little more blind eye turning towards its Christmas portions,
we feel pretty justified giving this slot to Billy Wilder's The Apartment.
>> Speaker 5: I love you Miss Kubelik.
>> Speaker 6: Three, queen.
>> Speaker 5: Did you hear what I said, Miss Kubelik?
I absolutely adore you.
>> Speaker 6: Shut up and deal.
>> Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, we know, the movie spans the entire holiday season.
But its final conflict and
most famous line happen on New Year's Eve, so shut up, we're counting it.
It's a lonely tale of a man, Jack Lemmon,
with no family to return home to after work.
And often no home at all, having taken to pimping out his apartment for the affairs
of his higher-ups in exchange for favors that never seem to really materialize.
This is Billy Wilder at his deftest and most complex.
Sometimes posing as a raunchy comedy, sometimes revealing itself as a sad
portrait of struggle, desperation, and failure.
And occasionally redeeming itself with love and hope.
It's a wonderfully made and required viewing for
those New Year's midnights when you don't have anyone to kiss when the ball drops.
[NOISE] We all know the one major holiday we have left.
But before we dive headfirst into Santa Claus and baby Jesus,
we want to carve out our number two slot for
those holiday films that really just use it as a backdrop.
The accidental Christmas movie.
And for that we have to turn first to one man in particular who seems to have
a knack for covering his plots with unnecessary tinsel, Shane Black.
He Christmas-fied Lethal Weapon, Iron Man 3, and
Kiss Kiss Bang Bang to great effect.
Martin McDonagh did a hilarious number with In Bruges.
And one could make an argument that especially the first Harry Potter
film has a Christmasy vibe.
The Godfather, Good Fellas, and
Eyes Wide Shut all feature a noteworthy Christmas tint.
But if there's one vestigial Christmas worth runner-upping our list,
who could argue that it shouldn't be Die Hard?
>> Speaker 7: Do you really think you have a chance against us, Mr. Cowboy?
>> Speaker 1: I'm not going to outright say yippee ki-yay mother [BLEEP].
But I'm not, not going to say it either.
I don't care who you are, Die Hard is one of the best action movies of all time.
It's got humor, tension, thrills, and
one of the best contained thriller concepts ever conceived.
It's full to the brim with topnotch action, set pieces, and just enough
Yuletide cheer, or scorn, to pander to Grinches and Cindy Lou Whos alike.
It's Bruce Willis at his best, Hans Gruber at his most German,
and yippee ki-yay at its most mother [BLEEP].
[NOISE] Finally, rounding us out at number one, it's Christmas in earnest.
Where are the Kwanza films you ask, and the Winter Solstice films, and Festivus?
We really wish we had a better answer for you then not existing.
But until they do, we're giving another spot to the winter holiday behemoth that
most people forget the point off through all the eggnog and credit card bills.
Think Christmas Vacation, and The Shop Around the Corner, and A Midnight Clear,
and have you checked out Tangerine, yet?
There's Tokyo Godfathers, and The Bishop's Wife, and Holiday Inn, and
White Christmas, and Bad Santa.
We've got the Muppet Christmas Carol, and Scrooge, and Scrooged.
And Gremlins, and How the Grinch Stole Christmas, and Miracle on 34th Street.
There's the Nightmare Before Christmas, and Home Alone, and Elf,
and A Christmas Story.
And finally, after your brain has melted from all the Christmas cheer,
our number one pick, It's a Wonderful Life.
>> Speaker 8: To my big brother George, the richest man in town.
>> [APPLAUSE] >> Speaker 1: We're not shocking anyone
with this pick.
Frank Capra's tale of Christmas redemption in the face of suicide,
sort of a positive spin on the classic Dickensian A Christmas Carol,
is a Hollywood classic of the highest caliber.
But that wasn't always the case,
It's A Wonderful Life was originally a bit of a disappointment at the box office.
Falling into obscurity and out of fashion,
even condemned by the FBI in the mid-40s for being just a little too communistic.
But a copyright snafu landed it in the public domain in the 1970s just in
time for every TV station out there to broadcast it for free.
America fell back in love with it,
it's an uplifting fairy tale without the saccharin schmaltz.
A riotous comedy, a tense drama, and a beautiful love story all in one.
It never gets old,
earning a place in many households, Cappers included, as an annual tradition.
So what do you think?
Did we totally ruin your holidays by picking the wrong movies?
Darn it, I knew that was gonna happen.
Well, either way let us know in the comments below and
be sure to subscribe for more Cinefix movies.
>> [MUSIC]