Oh hey everybody, this week on Ask Cristen I have a co-host you can't see because he's
sitting at my feet sleeping. It's my dog, Buddy. Oh! Jk, he's not sleeping as I thought
he was, he's just uhhhh, looking very bored. I got a question for Ask Cristen, where's
my bone?
Thanks to everybody who commented on last week's Ask Cristen video 'How to talk to daughters
about periods'. Judging by the comments a lot of you left, it doesn't happen as often
as it should. Shalini Saji said, 'No one told me about periods and I thought I was bleeding
to death so I went to my friend for help instead of my mom because I was too nervous.' I can
only imagine how terrifying that must have been. When I got my period I knew what was
coming but I was just annoyed by it and also embarrassed to tell my mom even though we
had had the talk. The next day word spread around to my older sisters and they came up
to me and were like oh, Cristen we hear uh Aunt Flow came to town and I was like who
is that? Why is puberty so confusing. Ordinary cat randomly said, 'You look like Sarah Silverman.'
Hey guys I'm Sarah Silverman. Insert something offensive that I can't say on this channel.
This week's Ask Cristen question actually came into my YouTube inbox which you to(be)
can use if you want to get in touch with me. 'I have recently found out I'm sexist not
because I believe women belong in the kitchen or because men should earn more both are obviously
full of sh** but because mentally I view women as "delicate" for lack of a better word. I'll
open doors for a woman I'm with or go out of my way to use polite language that I wouldn't
use in the presence of my guy friends. Do you have any suggestions to change the way
I think about women and show more respect?' You are already on your way to becoming less
sexist because you're asking the question particularly of a woman and wanting to know
how to change your behavior. According to Webster's Dictionary sexism means one: prejudice
or discrimination based on sex, especially against women. Two: Behavior, conditions or
attitudes that foster stereotypes of social roles based on sex. It's really that second
part of that definition that his question centers on. As a feminist I have no problem
with men opening doors for me. Guys you can open doors for me all day long. I'm going
to open doors for you too because I think in this day and age it is completely fine
for humans to be courteous to other humans. When your behaviors are influenced by sexist
motivations, i.e. women needing special treatment because we are weaker which is often termed
benevolent sexism meaning nice things that you might do for women because you really
think that we can't do for ourselves. It's even those acts of benevolent sexism that
continually under-gird our place in society. It chips away at this possibility of equality.
In the back of your mind if you are exercising benevolent sexism, you think that we are inherently
weaker, you think that we are inherently unequal. It's not the request for us to be treated
like men. In the famous words of Cheris Kramarae feminism and this whole request for us to
not be treated in sexist ways is simply rooted in the radical notion that women are people.
It's not necessarily a problem that this guy talks to his guy friends differently than
he does to women that he might not know as well. He needs to do the sexist self-check
of saying well wait, wait, wait. Am I talking to my guy friends differently in the sense
of when I talk to my guy friends it's incredibly offensive? Treat them as though they are objects
who are uh maybe weaker than we are and kind of dumb and always asking for it? In that
case yeah you need to stop doing that. It's the same kind of thing as if when I hang out
with my white friends I talk about people of color in a very discriminatory way and
use racial slurs and epithets and yet when I'm around people of color I'm perfectly nice
and quite respectable and yet I am actually a flaming racist because when they aren't
around I talk about them in a discriminatory way. And that's not okay. If you want to become
less sexist, racist, homophobic, just treat people like people. Quick thing I want to
emphasize too this is not just behavior limited to cis gendered heterosexual men. It's not
just them who need to check their behavior, women we can be guilty of sexism as well.
We can all probably do better in terms of respecting other people. Now I want to hear
from you, what suggestions do have for this guy and for everybody on how to become less
sexist, let me know in the comments below and as always ask me your questions so I can
give you some answers. [Singing] High-five everyone and open a door and let your rainbow
shine a light on the world and everyone can be free to be you and me. I know it sounds
cheesy but seriously it'll make the world a better place and help uproot rape culture.
It's true.