Are you wondering how does libido work? I feel like I can't have any control of my sex drive
and I feel confused how it works. Sometimes I would love to have it higher and sometime
lower and my partner, what's up with them? So you might be like a little bit confused right
how libido works and how sex drive works. Well, in this video, I'm gonna share with
you the science behind sex drive so that you can have more control, more choice around it
and make choice in your life that can influence it in one way or the other.
I'm Elisa Caro, a sex and relationship coach. And if you would like to have more orgasmic fulfilling
ecstatic sex, you are in the right place! So many people are really feeling confused
and frustrated with their sex drive. Either it's too high or too low or does it turn on when they
wanted to turn on. A client of mine, Elena, she was feeling really puzzled. Like she was
doing so many things to bring variety in her sex life and she just felt very confused and feel like
she didn't have any control over it. Today, I'm going to share with you the Dual Model Control
which was developed in Kinsey Institute by Erick Janssen and John Bancroft. Already like 30 years
ago and we literally don't talk about it enough there is not enough information about conscious
sexuality and in general around way in which we can relate in a healthy way to our sex life
so according to the Dual Model Control (it's already said by the name), there are two different
systems. The right one is the excitation system-- the Sexual Excitation System (SES) and one is
the Sexual Inhibitory System (SIS). And so what's happening is that one is scanning the environment
to find like reason to get turn on, reason to activate sexually, reason to get aroused. And
those reasons could be the smell of your partner, it could be like an image that you're seeing,
it could be a thought that crosses your mind. It could be the way you're getting touched. So many
different ways, right, and reasons. And it just keep scanning the environment. You don't even know
that it's there until you find yourself turned on. And then there is the Sexual Inhibitory System.
And please, if you're enjoying this video give a thumb up and subscribe to the channel
because I'm sharing about awesome topics on conscious sexuality and tantra
all the time so if you want to, if you're starving if you're like you want to know more about it,
please subscribe! The second one is the Sexual Inhibitory System. The Sexual Inhibitory System
is scanning the environment for reason to not be turned on and then could look like I don't know,
like your mum entering the room, or unwanted pregnancy, or fear of intimacy, or fear of not
performing that good, or fear of not being able to orgasm, or self-consciousness about how you look
like. So all of those like thoughts, all of those types of concerns are actually like putting a
break in your arousal. Let me give you an example that Emily Nagoski gives in the book "Come As You
Are". It's so wonderful! It's like you're driving a car and imagine that the accelerator is like
your Sexual Excitation System and the brakes is like your Sexual Inhibitory System and so
if you're at the same time like have your foot on the pedal brake and at the same time accelerate,
guess what? The car is not going to be moving. And so what we want is to first lift the foot
from the break and then accelerate because if we have both activate that, we're not going to move.
And this is pretty amazing because most people are thinking, "How can I boost up my libido, my sex
drive, my mood by just looking for reason?" to get more turn on like buy a new toy, put in lingerie,
book a hotel room, whatever it is but at the same time they actually need to look
first what might be the reason why their brake are on, why their inhibitory systems are on.
That could be, as I said, performance anxiety that could be like self-consciousness uh about how you
look really like not loving your appearance or feeling like disgusted by sex or feeling disgusted
by how your yoni smell and so there could be like a number of reason that you might want to work
with before you're actually trying to accelerate more. Does it make sense? So summarizing... The
science of our libido, how does it work with a Sexual Excitation System (the accelerator)
and the Sexual Inhibitory System (the brake) and we need first to turn off the break and then to
put our awareness into how to become even more aroused. And if you would like to explore
more conscious sexuality understanding like really how sexuality work I almost feel like
pleasure school, you know, pleasure classes should be done when we are at school. Then join my online
course: The Sexually Liberated Woman and you will really understand how female sexuality works and
gets so many like like mind-blowing theory and just like understanding about how anatomy
works and exercises and practices and things that you can do to awaken more sensitivity,
become more orgasmic and really live the sex life you always have dreamed of.