I'M TERRIBLY EXCITED BECAUSE MY
FIRST GUEST TOBT IS THE EMMY AND PEABODY-WINNING HOST OF "LAST
WEEK TONIGHT," PLEASE WELCOME OUR FRIEND MR. JOHN OLIVER.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) .
>> Stephen: AS YOU WERE.
>> GOOD EVENING.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE).
>> Stephen: NICE SEEING YOU.
>> AND YOU.
>> Stephen: I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE BECAUSE I
UNDERSTAND YOU ARE HERE.
>> THAT'S LIT REALLILY TOO MANY O-WS!
>> Stephen: WE'LL EDIT SOME OUT.
>> NO, THAT IS A PROBLEM, I ACKNOWLEDGE, BY DRAWING
ATTENTION TO IT IS LIKE GIVING A CHILD A TAMBOURINE, YOU CANNOT
BE TRUSTED WITH THE KNOWLEDGE OF THE POWER YOU HAVE.
>> Stephen: YOU ARE ON HIATUS RIGHT NOW.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: BETWEEN SEASONS.
>> BETWEEN SEASONS.
HAVE I BEEN CANCELED, WHAT?
>> Stephen: BETWEEN SEASONS.
>> JUST BETWEEN WEEKS.
WE'RE WORKING, BUT WE'RE-- .
>> Stephen: YOU HAVE A SHOW SUNDAYS.
>> NO, WE'RE WORKING WITHOUT DOING A SHOW.
IT IS THE DREAM.
SO WE'RE IN THE OFFICE AND WORKING, RESEARCHING BUT HE
DON'T HAVE TO DO ANYTHING AT THE END OF IT.
SO EVERYTHING IS PERFECT.
>> Stephen: WOW, AND YOU CAN GET PAID FOR THAT?
CUZ I ACTUALLY HAVE TO COME OUT HERE AND TALK EVERY NIGHT.
>> I THINK THAT'S THE MISTAKE.
I THINK, IT IS THE ULTIMATE BANK HEIST, ISN'T IT, NOT HAVING TO
ACTUALLY PRODUCE ANYTHING AT THE END OF IT.
>> Stephen: THOSE DRAGONS ARE PAYING FOR EVERYTHING.
>> AS LONG AS THE DRAGONS ARE OKAY, EVERYTHING IS OKAY AT HBO.
HAVE THEY GOT DEFIBRILLATORS FOR THOSE DRAGONS, IT IS A DRAGON
BASED ECONOMY.
>> Stephen: I IMAGINE YOU TAKE THESE TWO WEEKS OFF BECAUSE THIS
IS THE PART OF THE SUMMER WHERE YOU GO NOTHING, NOTHING'S GOING
TO HAPPEN.
>> IT'S ALWAYS HAPPEN, IT IS SAFE.
YOU WOULD HAVE TO HAVE AN OFFSPRING WHO IS SO STUPID, THAT
IS THE ONLY-- AND WHAT IS THE CHANCE OF THAT, NOTHING.
NOTHING.
WE HAD-- WE CALLED THIS WHOLE LOOMING SCANDAL WAY BACK IN
MARCH, WE CAME UP WITH THIS DEVICE FOR STUPID WATERGATE,
THAT IDEA THAT SOMETHING WITH ALL OF THE GRAVITAS FOR
WATERGATE WHERE EVERYBODY INVOLVED IS STUPID AND BAD AT
EVERYTHING.
IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A SELF-CONTAINED JOINT BUT CURRENT
EVENTS ARE MAKING IT MORE AND MORE RELEVANT WHICH IS NOT
NORMALLY HOW JOKES WORK.
>> Stephen: RIGHT, RIGHT, RIGHT.
LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING.
WHEN TRUMP, JR. TWEETED EMAILS YESTERDAY.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: WITHOUT A GUN TO HIS HEAD, I MIGHT ADD.
>> THAT'S RIGHT.
>> Stephen: THE FIRST ONE SAID, FIRST ONE, SAID THIS IS
PART OF RUSSIA, AND IT'S GOVERNMENT SUPPORT FOR DONALD
TRUMP.
WHAT WAS YOUR IMMEDIATE REACTION?
>> WELL, YOU KNOW, IT IS PROBABLY WOW.
AND THEN IT IS PROBABLY FOLLOWED BY THE IDEA WELL, THIS IS
SOMETHING, AS LONG AS WE LIVE IN A WORLD WHERE SOMETHING MEANS
ANYTHING.
AND I'M NOT SURE WE DO ANY MORE.
>> Stephen: I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN, YEAH.
>> IT SEEMS SERIOUS BUT DO WE LIVE IN A WORLD DEVOID OF
CONSEQUENCES NOW, I FORGET WHERE WE ARE IN HUMAN HISTORY.
>> Stephen: RIGHT.
>> THAT IS THE MIND BLOWING PART, THIS SEEMS LIKE A SEISMIC
EVENT BUT IT MIGHT BE NOTHING.
>> Stephen: RIGHT T MIGHT BE, I WAS TALKING WITH MY EXECUTIVE
PRODUCER, TOM, EARLIER TODAY AND WE WERE SAYING THAT, YOU KNOW, I
AM USED TO A WORLD WHERE WE'RE DIVIDED ON THINGS LIKE ABORTION
OR TAXES, OR GOVERNMENT CONTROL OF HEALTH CARE.
>> POLARIZING ISSUES.
>> Stephen: POLARIZING ISSUES.
HAVE WE COME TO A NATION WHERE COLLUDING WITH A HOSTILE FOREIGN
POWER TO MANIPULATE OUR ELECTION IS A LEFT RIGHT THING?
>> I DON'T KNOW.
>> Stephen: IS THAT IT?
IS THAT WHERE WE ARE?
>> BUT THE VERY FACT YOU JUST SAID THAT SENTENCE OUTLOUD
SHOWED THAT WE ARE TURBO [BLEEP].
JUST THE FACT THAT YOU CAN SAY IT!
THAT'S-- WHAT I FOUND AMAZING WAS HIS CONFIDENCE IN SAYING
THIS IS NOTHING.
AND I DONE KNOW WHAT IS HE REFERRING TO THERE, THE CONTENTS
OF THE EMAIL, THE CONTENT OF HIS HEAD IT IS THE SECOND ONE, I
AGREE, IF IT IS THE FIRST, I FIERCELY DISAGREE.
YOU ABOUT I CONDITION EVEN FATHOM HOW HIS LAWYER FELT, I
TWEETED IT OUT, IT IS NOTHING.
OH, BUT THAT'S A LOT.
IT IS A MASSIVE AMOUNT OF NOTHING.
AND IF YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND THAT, IT'S EVEN BIGGER.
I CAN'T-- I THINK I DON'T WANT TO BE YOUR LAWYER ANY MORE.
(LAUGHTER).
>> Stephen: I THINK HIS LAWYER, YOU KNOW WHAT HIS LAWYER
NEEDS, A LAWYER.
DO YOU THINK THEY JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND?
BECAUSE IT SEEMS SELF-EVIDENT.
IT SEEMS SELF-EVIDENT, PEOPLE LIKE TRAY GOWDY OR "THE NEW YORK
POST" SAYING THIS IS, YEAH, THIS IS NOT GOOD.
>> BUT AGAIN, THE FACT WE'RE AT A POINT WHERE WE ARE GOING, DO
YOU THINK THEY UNDERSTAND.
IS IT POSSIBLE THERE'S NOT A LOGICAL SEQUENCE OF THOUGHT IN
THEIR MINDS THAT HAVE MADE THEM UNDERSTAND THE GRAVITY OF THE
SITUATION THEY'RE IN.
THE FACT THAT WE ARE WONDERING THAT, AND YOU WONDER IT NOT JUST
WITH THIS ISSUE BUT WITH A LOT.
ARE THEY JUST TOO DUMB TO REALIZE WHAT'S HAPPENING.
AND THE ANSWER IS NOT DEFINITELY NO.
>> Stephen: YOU DON'T KNOW.
>> YOU DON'T KNOW.
>> Stephen: THAT IS THE MOST CHILLING THING ABOUT THIS, YOU
ACTUALLY DON'T KNOW.
>> THAT IS WHAT IS MAKING THIS A ROLLER COASTER TIME IN AMERICAN
HISTORY.
>> Stephen: YEAH.
WELL, SPEAKING OF AMERICAN HISTORY, RUSSIA, BECAUSE.
>> YEAH, YES, WELCOME HOME.
>> Stephen: EXACTLY.
>> WELL DONE.
>> Stephen: YOU HEARD ME SAYING EARLIER WHEN I WAS
INTRODUCING YOU HERE, THAT WE DELAYED PUTTING OUR RUSSIA STUFF
BECAUSE THERE WAS SO MUCH STUFF TO GO THROUGH AND SOME OF IT
LITERALLY HAD TO BE TRANSLATED.
AND I SO I WAS WORRIED IT WOULDN'T BE RELEVANT THREE WEEKS
ON.
YOU WENT TO RUSSIA.
YOU INTERVIEWED EDWARD SNOWDEN.
>> A COUPLE OF YEARS AGO.
>> Stephen: HOW LONG WERE YOU THERE.
>> FOR THE LEAST AMOUNT TIME WE COULD POSSIBLY BE THERE BECAUSE
THE RUSSIANS WERE ANGRY WE WERE THERE.
AND THE AMERICANS WERE ANGRY THAT WE HAD GONE.
AND IT WAS JUST-- IT WAS THE MOST TERRIFYING AROUND 36 HOURS
I'VE SPENT.
>> Stephen: DID YOU GO TO MOSCOW, ST. PETERSBURG.
>> JUST MOSCOW.
SO WE LANDED AND IT'S JUST A GROUP OF TERRIFYING-LOOKING
PEOPLE IN YOUR HOTEL.
AT THE BEST OF TIMES, LARGE RUSSIAN MEN HAVE ARRESTING FACE
OF INTERNATIONAL HITMAN.
AT THE BEST OF TIMES.
>> Stephen: ABSOLUTELY.
I CALLED THEM LIKE EXTRAS FROM JOHN WITT, THAT IS WHAT-- WIT
THAT IS WHAT IT FEELS LIKE IN THE LOBBY.
>> LITERAL LeIN THE WILL BEE.
YOU CHECKING IN, I THINK THIS MAN COULD BREAK ME WITH HIS
EYES.
>> Stephen: RIGHT.
>> SNAP ME.
>> Stephen: AND THERE IS ONE OUTSIDE YOUR HALL.
>> YOU ARE BEING FOLLOWED ALL THE TIME.
>> Stephen: FOLLOWED BY THE FSB, THE NEW KGB IS THE FSB.
>> ALL THE TIME, YOU THINK I'M JUST BEING PAR MOID,-- PARANOID,
IT'S WORSE, I'M NOT BEING PARANOID, I'M SEEING THINGS I
THINK I'M SEEING.
>> Stephen: WERE YOU FOLLOWED BY THE AMERICANS OVER THERE.
>> WE FOUND RUSSIANS, THEY WENT INTO MY ROOM, MESSED WITH MY
STUVMENT THERE WAS A GUY DRILLING IN MY CEILING AT 3:00
IN THE MORNING, OBVIOUSLY JUST SITTING THERE, THIS WILL
FRIGHTENING HIM, AND I'M LYING THERE THINKING YOU'RE RIGHT, I
AM, I'M FRIGHTENED.
YOU HAVE ACHIEVED YOUR GOAL.
MY PRODUCER FOUND SOMEONE IN HIS HOTEL ROOM, AND HE WAS NEAR THE
WINDOW AND HE SAID YOU CALLED DOWNSTAIRS TO HAVE YOUR WINDOW
OPENED.
IT'S FEBRUARY, WE'RE IN MOSCOW, YOU HAVE TO TRY HARDER THAN
THAT.
>> Stephen: HOLD ON ONE SECRETARY.
WE HAVE TO TAKE A LITTLE BREAK.
WE'LL BE RATE BACK.