It feels like ages since I made just a pure art process video, and I think part of what
makes it hard to come back to doing these videos is like the pressure of leaving it
so long and then the possibility of coming back with something that people aren’t interested
in.
So the longer I leave it, the harder it is to get back into it.
I’ve been feeling a bit meh about my art recently, I can see where I want it to be
so I can see that it isn’t quite there yet, and in the process of getting it ‘there’
I’ve been doing a lot of experimenting, a lot of just trying new things, buying new
things, cos you know you can’t go through an art block without spending money on supplies
you don’t need.
But yeah one of the best things about experimenting is that…
I think the main reason I haven’t wanted to show my experiments…
I don’t want the feedback.
And I know that sounds terrible.
In art, feedback is so key to growth, and being able to take on and interpret and use
criticism, negative or not is one of the most valuable traits a creative person can have.
But I’m not at that stage of the cycle yet.
And what I mean by that is…
I feel like getting to know your art comes in cycles, you learn something new, you get
to know it and incorporate it into your work, before long you’re doing what you’ve always
done- with the new stuff you’ve learned becoming second nature, then it starts to
feel stale, you start seeing flaws, everyone else's work looks better that yours, you know
how you want your work to look so you work on getting it there, you experiment ,you learn
something new and then you settle into a few new techniques to go with your old ones and
you’re back at the beginning, having your own little process, being happy with it and
doing what you do until the next time you see room for growth.
And the ‘doing what you do’ stage is the part of the cycle that I think best suits
receiving feedback.
Once you’re comfortable, you stop seeing the little mistakes you're making or you get
complacent in what you're doing, and thats where outside eyes can really help to keep
you on a path of improvement and growth and introduce you to new ideas that you might
not have even thought of.
But the experimentation stage…
I don’t know, I feel like that should be a real introspective time.
It’s the bit where you’re finding your voice, independent of what other people might
want or like or expect from you.
Even if people like what you’re doing in the experimentation stage, there’s always
the potential of that feedback pulling you more in that direction when you initially
were just giving it a go for the fun of it.
Outside influence is inevitable and it can be great, it might even be essential.
But not all the time.
And at the right time.
If you remember my January vlog, I said I was having an existential crisis.
And there were a lot of reasons for that, but part of it was getting to a point where
I’d spent so long taking on what other people had to say, I didn’t really know my own
voice anymore.
I don’t know if this is something that only people who share their work and their lives
online can relate too…
Probably not.
I think we all inherently look for some kind of validation in day-to-day life.
There’s nothing wrong with that.
I just think it’s important to have time to yourself to ground yourself in your own
reality and not the expectations that you’ve put on yourself and the expectations of others.
Anyway, the other, less profound reason I’ve been uploading less recently is that I’ve
been pretty busy with a couple of projects which, I think I’ve mentioned, I can’t
really talk about and you know… may not even come to fruition, but yeah I’m finally
rounding things off to a point where I will have more time for personal work again.
If I’d had the time, I would’ve been uploading regularly to be honest, despite not necessarily
wanting feedback.
I feel weird when I’m not making videos and I’m looking forward to having the time
to get back into it properly soon.
But yeah, that is it for this one you guys, thanks so much for watching.
I’ve missed you!
And I’ll see you soon for the next one.
Bye!