I don't know if you're going to remember this or not.
I talked about it six years ago.
But if you cared about me at all, you would remember.
Six years ago, someone on my staff went into a CVS
for one item, and the receipt was so long
that I couldn't even believe it.
I called it outrageous.
I called it mind-boggling.
I called it long.
And now this time, it happened again.
Do my words mean nothing, CVS?
This time a different person from my staff
went to CVS for an item.
And I'm not going to say who it was or what it was for.
But Mary, are you feeling better?
[LAUGHING]
I am.
It cleared up?
Good.
OK.
It cleared up.
All right.
So look at this.
This is for one item.
It's longer than my torso.
She bought one thing.
And again, I'm not going to say what it was.
But it's not itchy anymore?
[LAUGHING]
No.
Has the smell gone away?
For the most part.
Anyway, it's not important who it was or what it was.
Like, she bought one thing at 11:00 AM,
and by the time this finished printing, it was 3:00 PM.
If you ever wondered why the lines are so long, this is why.
The crazy thing is, it's really the top two things,
the top 2 inches are receipts.
The rest is coupons.
So if you go back and use the coupon,
you'll get another receipt with more coupons.
It's a vicious cycle, which is I think
that's what CVS stands for.
Coupon vicious cycle.
If you spell cycle with an S. There's
no need for it to be this long.
My contract as host of the show uses less paper than this.
I've written best-selling books with less words in this.
I've closed escrow on 17 houses in one year using
less paper than this.
Please CVS, don't make me come back on in six years
and talk about this.
I could be talking more--
like, more important things could be happening.
I could show 23 cat videos in the time
it takes to talk about the.