- Hi, my name is Lauren.
And today I'm gonna be talking more
about schizophrenia and relationships.
So deep friendships and romance are fully within reach
for people living with schizophrenia
and schizoaffective disorder.
Having nurturing relationships also helps
with my self acceptance, so when other people accept me,
it makes it a little bit easier for me to accept myself.
So in talking about relationships,
I guess let's start with the very beginning.
So it's important to work on socialization
in order to be able to meet people
and to be able to sustain relationships in a meaningful way.
So in order to do this, you can work with your psychiatrist
in order to figure out which medications will help
to mitigate or reduce your symptoms as much as possible.
Then it can be useful to work with a therapist
to build skills, to form and keep new relationships.
And then it's also really important
to be able to practice the socialization.
So this can be in the form of, at your job, at school,
with a club that you might join
or just different forms of exercising socialization.
So these aspects of practicing socialization
really apply to everyone.
I'm just kind of going over them
because sometimes socialization
can be a little bit more difficult for people
living with schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder.
Learning how to meaningfully engage with
and socialize with other people
is a really important part in engaging
in different relationships,
both romantically and with friends.
So the way people with schizophrenia
or schizoaffective disorder meet people
is the exact same way as anyone else meets people.
So it can be through bumping into someone on the street
and striking up a conversation.
It can be meeting them through friends.
It can be through online dating.
It can be a variety of different ways
that are no different from anyone else.
So once you've met someone, something that comes up
quite often is when to disclose about your diagnosis.
So a lot of people that I've heard anyway,
say that a good rule of thumb
is to wait at least a couple months before disclosing
but I think that it really matters more
on how you feel with the person.
So if you feel safe in disclosing your illness
and if you feel like you're gonna be met
with acceptance and compassion and love in return.
So I'm fully aware that it can be a really,
really daunting or scary thing to do,
to think about telling someone
who you're building a new relationship with
about your diagnosis of schizophrenia
or schizoaffective disorder,
or of mental illness in general.
I know for me, when I was dating,
that was a really big fear of mine,
was is this person still going to accept me?
Is this person still going to want to be with me?
Will they think differently of me?
Will this relationship end?
Just a lot of thoughts racing around
about how this person was going to interpret
what I was going to tell them.
It's really important to realize though,
that you should be with someone
who accepts you for who you are.
So when you do disclose, if they don't accept you,
that's fine, move on.
And if they do accept you, then that's great
and that's what you deserve.
So once you've disclosed to your partner
that you have an illness such as schizophrenia
or schizoaffective disorder,
there are a lot of benefits to being in a relationship
that I'll just kind of touch on.
But I just want introduce someone
who is going to help me in talking
a little bit more about this, my current partner,
my boyfriend, Rob (laughs).
- So, hi, I'm Rob and I'm Lauren's partner
and we've been together for about 10 months.
- So like I was mentioning,
there are benefits to being in a romantic relationship
that are kind of protective factors
for people living with schizophrenia
or schizoaffective disorder.
- So I think that, one of those protective factors
is just that having somebody in your life
that is close to you and kind of knows
what's going on with you on just like a day-to-day basis.
That's probably like one thing.
- Yeah, for sure.
So just having someone that I can check in with all the time
with and who is there to check in with me
and just kind of is able to see any discrepancies
in my behavior that may come up that may be warning signs
or that sort of thing is really helpful
and a protective factor.
Also, like I mentioned before,
if you have someone who accepts you
and loves you for who you are, it really helps
with the self-acceptance piece.
So being in a relationship that is very loving
and fulfilling in turn helps with my own self acceptance
and with my own self love and self compassion.
Also having someone else to focus on
and to take care of, kind of helps me
to get out of my own head space
about my own illness and whatnot.
So having someone else to look after
and to care about is really helpful
and is another protective factor.
So another really important thing to talk about
when you're in a relationship with someone
with schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder
is how to manage a relapse.
So we've discussed between ourselves
different steps that we're gonna take
when warning signs are coming up
or when we're concerned about psychosis occurring again.
So these can include talking about things
like who to call for additional support,
or when is the point where we will go to the hospital?
- And I also have kids,
so also talking about contingency plans
about what to do with the kids.
- So your plans for what to include
in how to manage a relapse may look different
but those are just some examples of things
to consider when you're talking about it with your partner.
- So I think one of the things
that's probably important to talk about
with respect to relationships here
is just the difficulties that,
or I guess the unique challenges.
- That come about with having schizophrenia
and schizoaffective disorder as present in a relationship.
So I think one of these things
or an example of one of these difficulties
is when I'm not feeling great, I tend to withdraw,
or my behavior just changes in different ways like that.
And I think sometimes Rob can get the impression
or feeling that that's as a result of something
that he did or a result of something that he said,
or is, or anything like that
but it's really not about him.
And it's really important to know that
when your partner is exhibiting behaviors that are different
from the norm, it's quite oftentimes not about you.
- So it's only kind of recently that Lauren
has been more public about her diagnosis.
Early on in our relationship had been mainly
like your close family and friends that knew.
And, you know, we kind of had to go through the process
of telling my friends and family
and that could have gone smoother
but I think that stigma played a big role
in terms of that being a more complicated situation
than I think it needed to be.
If you could just tell somebody,
Oh, you know, they have this diagnosis
and that you know that other person
would have the same kind of acceptance that I had,
I think that it wouldn't be a big deal
in terms of telling people.
- Yeah, to that same effect though,
having someone to kind of go through that with
and to face the stigma
and challenges associated with it with
is really helpful and really beneficial for me.
I'm sorry, you got dragged into facing stigma with me
but it's really nice to have you with me.
- It's nice to like, I think, understand
the challenge that you face.
One of the challenges that I faced early on,
I think relatively early on
was with respect to medication.
And I didn't really know how to best support her with that
because one of the challenges that she has
is medication adherence.
I didn't wanna take it personally
when she didn't wanna take medication
but at the same time I wanted her
to kind of stick to her medication.
- You did take it personally at first.
- I did. Yeah.
And I think actually what helped me,
I went to a therapy session,
one of her therapy sessions with her
and seeing how her therapist
handled her medication inadherence?
- Aversion to medication.
- Okay, seeing how her therapist handled that
in terms of just being really empathetic
and really letting her know that it's her choice.
And you know, I think that's what it took for me too,
is understanding of course, it's her choice
and I believe that it is best
when you were taking your medication
but I fully respect that it's your choice.
And I think that's what it takes with respect to medication,
is being really supportive and encouraging
and, you know, listing out the benefits
and the reasons why they should take their medication
but really not forcing them to do it
and understanding that it is their choice.
- Yeah, it was really helpful when that shift occurred.
So when he approached the difficulty around medications,
with more empathy and just more empowerment,
essentially, too, he was encouraging me
to make my own decision about it.
And he told me how he felt
and what he thought about taking the medication
but ultimately it was up to me and he made that clear.
So that was really helpful.
So these are just a few of the challenges
that we've faced already.
And we know that there are more
that are probably going to come up,
as the course of our relationship matures.
But I think that a really big takeaway
is to just have really open communication with your partner.
Therapy helps a lot, with the realization
such as the one around medication and whatnot and yeah.
Open communication with your partner goes a long way.
- So I think that it's important to point out
that just like Lauren isn't defined
by her diagnosis of schizoaffective disorder,
our relationship also isn't defined by that.
And, you know, it can definitely, I think
at points seem like a little overwhelming,
in terms of like the challenges
but that our relationship is much larger in scope
than just the challenges that we're dealing with
and it's a real relationship,
the way that any, I kind of lost my train of thought there.
But I think I was on the right track.
- You were on the right track.
- Yeah, okay.
- So, yeah, like our relationship is so much more
than just this illness and there are complexities
to our relationship, as with any other relationship.
So next we're just gonna give a few tips for partners
of people living with schizophrenia
or schizoaffective disorder.
So the first step is to find a support group.
So Rob hasn't done this yet (laughs)
but it is really helpful
and I know that support groups have helped me tremendously.
So I'm sure that they would help partners
of people living with the illness tremendously as well.
- I've gone to support groups with her
and attended like her Schizophrenia Society
meetings with her.
So I would say that I'm quite present
in like your life with that.
- Yeah, definitely.
- Another thing that can be useful is couples therapy
and not approaching this from the perspective
that there's anything wrong with your relationship
but just understanding that, you know,
a diagnosis of schizophrenia is kind of an additional thing
to manage in a relationship.
- There are things that may come up
as a result of the illness
that other couples may not need to deal with.
And so just having a little bit more of a precautionary take
to things and just engaging in therapy right off the bat
can really go a long way.
- I think another thing that's important as a partner
to someone with schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder
is to make sure that you are still taking care of yourself,
taking time for yourself, whether that be spending time
with friends or engaging in hobbies.
It's just really important to make sure
that you are also still taking care of yourself.
Okay, thank you so much for letting me be in this video.
- Thank you!
- I'll let you get on with it. I love you.
- I love you.
Another thing that I've found helpful in relationships
is to approach it sometimes with a sense of humor.
So this may sound a little counter intuitive
because you don't want the person
to be like making light or making fun of you
or being disrespectful or patronizing or anything like that.
But I feel like just approaching the illness sometimes
with a bit more of a lighter approach
and just being able to laugh things off with your partner
can really go a long way.
So when I was first exhibiting symptoms,
I was in a relationship at the time
and about a month or so after we ended the relationship,
I was finally diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder.
So the lead up portion of the diagnosis,
I was in a relationship for.
I think that it definitely played a role
in the ending of our relationship.
However, there were other factors as well.
So oftentimes before someone is given a diagnosis
of schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder,
there is a period of turmoil
where they're just kind of trying to figure out
what the symptoms they're experiencing mean,
what is happening to them.
And this can take a toll on relationships.
So when neither partner really knows
a lot about the diagnosis
or knows that there is a diagnosis, it creates a lot of room
for misunderstanding and hurt feelings, oftentimes.
This is one of the reasons why seeking out treatment
as early as possible can be really beneficial
in various aspects of your life, such as with relationships.
Having the diagnosis for several years now,
I feel has better equipped me to be a partner
and to deal with my illness in the context
of a romantic relationship.
So in summary, I guess I just wanna convey
that romantic relationships are possible
for people living with schizophrenia
and schizoaffective disorder
and people living with the illness
are fully capable of engaging in meaningful
and fulfilling relationships.
Ellen Sachs says that with effort, medication and therapy,
you can have good friends and relationships
and I really believe this to be true.
So thanks so much for watching this video.
If you found it helpful, please give this a thumbs up.
And if you want to see more videos like this,
please make sure to subscribe.
Thanks again for watching and have a great day. Bye.
- [Rob] (laughs) make that the thumbnail for this one.
- (laughs) yeah!