- Nevertheless, she persisted.
Tumblr.
- My wife.
(Kyle laughs)
"Anchorman."
- All you have in business is your reputation.
A billionaire said that.
Anyway, I'm gonna be selling my mom's Adderall
in the bathroom, if anybody wants any.
The unisex bathroom
next to the vending machines that are broken.
I definitely did not break them
by trying to install my mom's Adderall in them.
That being said, I feel like an Adderall vending machine
on campus would be super functional, and super hype.
- We're the cutest couple.
We've been together since freshman year,
and we've only broken up 19 times.
- The shortest period of time
we've been together was 13 hours.
The longest period of time we've been together, four months.
- Everybody wants a relationship like ours.
- And next year, we're doing.
- [Both] Long distance.
- What could go wrong?
- Arthur Van Bink.
- Blandview High set a new record
for most consecutive years losing our own homecoming game.
- Setting a record, now that's something to be proud of.
- I don't think we should be proud of that record.
- Football, it's in the game.
- All the world's a stage,
and Terrance Halloway is in the spotlight.
Me, Terrance Halloway.
I wonder if this could double as a headshot.
One smiling.
That's my commercial.
And now, theatrical.
(Terrance scoffs)
"Criminal Minds" here I come.
(people chatter)
- Aw (beep) I think this is a prank.
(Kyle laughs)
- We voted Arthur Van Bink most popular
even though he's super unpopular.
It's funny because it's gonna scar him for years to come.
Aw (beep)
- This page is dedicated
to our yard aid, Mr. Shant.
- After 16 years of taking my anger issues out on children,
and 13 years of being paid for it,
I am retiring, and I won't be in the men's bathroom,
trying to buy Adderall before I leave.
- That would be illegal.
- Right.
- Did you wink?
- No.
- Everybody makes mistakes.
Everybody has those days.
Everybody knows what, what I'm talking about.
Everybody gets that way.
Source unknown.
- It doesn't count if it's in the butt.
God.
- Picking up trash on the beach has allowed me
to learn a lot about the ocean.
It's also let me learn a lot about trash.
You can find a lot of cool stuff if you look through it.
Like, you could find a joint or a joint.
I haven't found a joint yet.
I found an old Counting Crows CD, though.
- Rest in peace
to ninth grade geometry teacher Mr. William Kerrigan,
or, if you are in hiding again,
please just come back to school.
You're not in trouble, I'm sorry I spooked you
in the parking lot last month.
- I also found, um, I found a full banana,
full banana, fully intact.
I also found a Applebee's gift card
that I don't think has any money left on it,
'cause I think the salt water takes the money out of it.
- Fellowship of Christian Athletes unite.
- [All] We love God.
God loves running.
We love God.
God loves running.
We love God.
God loves running.
(Claudia groans)
- I found an old souvenir cup from an AMC,
from "Phantom Menace."
- Gay Straight Alliance Club.
- Most of us are straight, but Ash is gay, right, Ash?
- Yeah.
- Yay.
- Good for you, Ash, good for you.
- I thought this would be a cool place to meet girls.
- You go, Ash.
- Huzzah.
- It's not.
- Three cheers for Ash, everyone.
Hip, hip, you're gay.
- I am.
- Hip, hip, you're gay.
- It's correct.
- Hip, hip, you're.
- [Claudia and Terrance] Gay.
- Yep, yep, all right, fine, hype me up, fine.
- Gay. - Good for you.
You're so brave.
- Welcome to Bridge Club.
Nobody knows what Bridge Club is.
- Bride is a card game where-
- Whenever people find out
that Blandview High has a golf team,
they always say, wait, Blandview High has a golf team?
And to that, I say, yeah.
- Golf.
- And then I found a dead body,
but, um, I didn't tell anyone about it until now.
I probably should've told someone about it.
- Volunteering with the elderly's great
because I can get away from my parents
for hours and hours.
Also, it's nice to be closer to death.
- Zoom, zoom.
- Okay, Mrs. Jefferson.
- Come on.
(both imitate car engine)
- I volunteered my time
to help all these homeless cats,
but it turns out not a single one was Jellicle.
(Terrance scoffs)
♪ What a waste of my time ♪
- Claudia, love of my life, I love you so much.
So many incredible memories his year,
like when you know who asked you know what you know when.
LOL, HAGS, JK, I'll see you tomorrow.
XOXO, Kendall.
P.S., six more pages of this message
if you follow this super long arrow
to the end of the yearbook.
- I drew a dick.
- HAGS.
(Tyler laughs)
Awesome.
Kyle drew a dick.
That dick's gonna be in your yearbook forever.
Great choice, Kyle.
- I also found some condoms
that had a crab stuck inside.
It was a big crab. It was, like, a blue crab,
like a pretty big size. I don't know how it got inside.
It was pretty impressive.
But I think its only way of getting out would be,
um, ah, I don't know.
Like, I think the condoms are designed
to keep crabs from spreading, right?
- Oh my god, I won homecoming queen.
- And, while Kyle originally won homecoming king,
my mom, who donates regularly to the school,
urged the assistant principal to do a recount,
and they decided that I won homecoming king after all.
- I'm so proud of us, baby, yeah.
- Yeah.
- After Claudia mysteriously fell down that well,
someone had to step in
and play the role of Dorothy in the winter musical.
Good thing I happen to have all the lines
and choreo memorized.
The wicked witch is dead.
- Terrance, I'm not dead, I just sprained my arm.
- Terrance Halloway does not miss twice.
- Wait, what?
You threw me in the well?
- I didn't not throw you in the well.
- For our senior talent show,
we are doing 300 squats for Christ.
- Squats. - For.
- Christ.
- Squats. - For.
- Christ.
- Squats.
- For.
- Christ.
I really feel it.
- I am not a virgin.
- She is not a virgin.
- I lost my virginity to this guy.
- What? You guys had sex without me?
- Yes.
- [All] Woo, senior day!
- Hey, did somebody (beep) themselves?
- No.
(all shout)
- Well, kiddos, you found me out.
The mysterious dirt mound on the baseball field
is longtime missing geometry teacher Mr. Kerrigan.
(Mr. Shant laughs)
Well, after 13 years
of being inexplicably harder on female students
than male students, I am going out with a bang,
being escorted off campus by police.
- Let's go, pal.
- [Mr. Shant] Hey, you want some Adderall?
- [Officer] Yeah.
- Three cheers for Ash.
Hip, hip, you're gay.
- Hip, hip. - Hip, hip, you're gay.
(people laugh)
Hip, hip, you're (laughs)
- [Director] Okay, okay, okay.
- I also found an old Mary Kate and Ashley poster,
some condoms, a syringe,
and a joint.
Wait, I have found one.
- I'm sorry, your house is made out of construction paper.
Damn.
- Turn me around.
Mm, yeah. - Do you wanna do wheelies?
- Yeah, pop it.
Pop it.
Ah.
(people laugh)
(all shout)
- It's the craziest roller coaster ever.
Whoa.
- Whoa, whoa.
- [Director] All right, let's go back to one.