>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY.
YOU KNOW MY NEXT GUEST FROM "CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM," AND "THE
GOLDBERGS."
I KNOW HIM FROM MY TIME HANGING OUT IN CHICAGO.
PLEASE WELCOME THE GREAT JEFF GARLIN.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) I LIKE THIS.
>> THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
THANK YOU!
>> Stephen: OH, MY GOSH.
>> THANK YOU!
ED SULLIVAN THEATER!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: WHAT IS HAPPENING?
ARE YOU A PAPARAZZO?
>> NO, HERE'S WHAT IT IS.
FIRST OFF, THIS IS NOT MY CAMERA.
ANDREW, YOUR EDSOR, WAS NICE ENOUGH TO LEND ME THE CAMERA.
>> Stephen: THAT'S AN EXPENSIVE LIKA CAMERA.
>> AND MINE WAS STOLEN AT THE PREMIERE OF THE MOVIE "HANDSOME"
IN L.A.
HUNDREDS OF PICTURES AND AN S.D.
CARD, STOLEN.
I WAS SO DEPRESSED.
DURING MY PREINTERVIEW SOMEONE TOLD ME THEY WOULD LEND-- WHEN I
USED TO GO ON STEWART'S SHOW AND STUFF, I HAVE PICTURES OF EVERY
TALK SHOW HOST FROM THIS POSITION, WHICH NOBODY ELSE HAS.
I ALSO WANT TO GET A SHOT OF YOU BEFORE YOU GET FIRED.
>> Stephen: OKAY.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) DO YOU KNOW HOW TO USE THAT?
>> I DO.
IT'S ALL MANUAL.
I KNOW HOW TO USE IT, YES.
>> Stephen: ARE YOU LYING?
>> NO!
>> Stephen: YOU'RE GOOD.
>> I ACTUALLY HAVE LEARNED IT, LEARNED HOW TO DO IT.
>> Stephen: OKAY, ALL RIGHT.
>> IT'S PRETTY GREAT.
SO IF ANYONE IS WATCHING AND YOU HAVE MY CAMERA, I DON'T KNOW HOW
YOU'LL GET IT TO ME, BUT TRY.
>> Stephen: WE KNOW EACH OTHER BACK FROM THE OLD SECOND CITY
DAYS.
>> WE MOST CERTAINLY DO.
>> Stephen: WE WERE THE BACKBONE OF THAT ORGANIZATION.
>> WE WORKED IN THE BOX OFFICE.
>> Stephen: WE WORKED IN THE BOX OFFICE.
WE SOLD THE TICKETS.
>> WE WORKED IN THE BOX OFFICE!
>> Stephen: WE ANSWERED THE PHONES.
>> I TOLD PEOPLE THAT AND THEY SAID NO.
>> Stephen: I THINK I REPLACED YOU WHEN YOU WENT ON TO BETTER
THINGS.
I HEARD STORIES ABOUT YOU.
>> THERE ARE ALWAYS STORIES ABOUT ME.
>> Stephen: THE STORY ABOUT YOU IS WE HAD PHONES WITH ALL
THESE LIGHTS-- SECOND CITY SOLD OUT EVERY NIGHT OF THE YEAR.
THAT'S THE SECRET OF THAT PLACE JOIRK LIKE THREE MONTHS AHEAD OF
TIME.
>> Stephen: 12 CALLS WAITING IN THE CUE WITH ALL THE LIGHTS
AND YOU WOULD PICK UP THE PHONE AND HIT THE "GONE" BUTTONS AND
SAY, "LOOK, THE LIGHTSES DISAPPEARED."
PING, PING, PING!
LOOK, THEY'RE ALL BACK AGAIN.
UPPER THE WORST.
>> YOU KNOW WHAT I USED TO DO?
IF SOMEONE WAS MEAN TO ME, I'D TELL THEM THEY WERE SITTING IN
THE PUPPET SECTION, AND KEEP LOOKING UP BECAUSE MARIONETTE
PUPPETS WOULD DROP DURING THE SHOW.
AND I PUT P.S., FOR "PUPPET SECTION."
>> Stephen: ON THEIR TICKET?
>> NO IN THE BOOK.
REMEMBER THE LIST THEY, USED TO DO IT BY THE LIST BACK THEN.
AND PUT LIKE, YOU KNOW ""G" T."
WAS THE GOOD SEATS.
AND P.S. WAS PUPPET SECTION.
I KNEW AHEAD OF TIME WHICH IT WAS.
AND I'D SHOW UP AND I'D STAND AT THE SIDE AND JUST WATCH THEM DO
THIS DURING THE SHOW.
( LAUGHTER ) AND IT MADE ME SO HAPPY.
( LAUGHTER ) BE JERKY TO PEOPLE.
YOU'LL PAY.
>> Stephen: YOU-- YOU DID-- LIKE, DID YOU IMPROV, LIKE
SCENIC IMPROV AND STAND-UP.
WAS THERE ONE YOU LIKED?
I NEVER DID STAND-UP.
DO YOU LIKE ONE MORE THAN THE OTHER?
>> I LOVED DOING IMPROV ON "CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM."
BUT I ALSO, MY STAND-UP-- ( APPLAUSE )
YES!
THAT'S RIGHT!
( APPLAUSE ) OH, YES!
>> Stephen: YES.
DRAG IT OUT OF THEM.
>> DRAG IT OUT OF THEM.
>> Stephen: DRAG IT OUT OF THEM LIKE AN OLD TOOTH.
>> WE'LL BE BACK IN THE FALL.
>> Stephen: I KNOW, FIVE YEARS AWAY.
>> AND YOU WERE ON "CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM."
YOU WERE GREAT.
>> Stephen: THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
>> PUTTING THE CURSE ON LARRY.
THAT WAS AWESOME.
>> Stephen: IT WAS A LOT OF FUN.
>> BUT I LOVE DOING STAND-UP MORE THAN ANYTHING, AND MY STUP
IS COMPLETELY IMPROVISED.
I JUST GO UP AND START TALKING AND I'M ALL GOOD.
I AM!
IT WORKS!
>> Stephen: I BELIEVE YOU.
I KNOW THAT YOU'RE ALL GOOD.
>> BY THE WAY, I ALWAYS LOVED IMPROVISING WITH YOU, WHEN I
WOULD COME OUT TO NORTHWEST AND WE'D HANG OUT TOGETHER.
>> Stephen: SURE, SURE, SURE.
>> AMY SEDARIS AND PAUL DO NELO.
THOSE WERE SOME OF THE GREATEST DAYS OF MY LIFE.
>> Stephen: YOU HAD A TENDENCY TO WALK OUT ON STAGE AND PUT A
STICK OF DYNAMITE AND BLOW IT UP.
>> NO.
>> Stephen: THE AUDIENCE LOVED YOU AND WE WOULD BE WORKING ON A
SCENE, AND YOU'D COME OUT, "WOULD YOU LIKE TO STROKE MY
BEARD, ADMIRAL PUDI PANTS?" AND IT WOULD GET A HUGE
RESPONSE.
SCENE OVER!
OVER!
>> HOLD ON!
>> Stephen: HOLD ON.
>> I WAS NOT ADMIRAL OR DR. PUDI PANTS.
NO, I SAID PUDDING A LOT.
I SAID A LOT OF NONSEQUITURS.
I CALLED YOU GRANDMA IN SCENES WHERE YOU WEREN'T MY GRANDMA.
>> Stephen: I WAS AN ASTRONAUT ON THE MOON.
>> MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT.
OKAY, WHATEVER.
>> Stephen: I LOVE YOU, JEFF.
IT DOESN'T MEAN I DON'T LOVE YOU.
>> BY THE WAY, I NEVER GOT A BAD FEELING FROM YOU FROM IT.
SOME OF THE OTHER PEOPLE THERE, I GOT SOME BAD FEELINGS.
YOU, DELIGHTFUL.
>> Stephen: WE USED TO KISS EACH OTHER ON THE SHOULDER.
"HELLO," LIKE THAT.
AND KISS ON THE SCHEDULE.
>> THE SHOULDER CIZ, YES.
>> Stephen: I THINK IT STARTED BECAUSE YOU WERE SO SUCH TALLER
WITH ME.
>> DAVID PASQEZSERKS.
>> Stephen: GREATEST IMPROVISER.
>> HE WAS ALSO ON "CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM."
I GOT EVERYONE ON "CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM."
>> Stephen: THANK YOU, I HAD SUCH A GOOD TIME.
>> YOU WERE THE BEST.
>> Stephen: YOU HAVE A NEW MOVIE CALLED "HANDSOME."
YOU WROTE IT.
DID YOU DIRECT IT?
>> I DIRECTED IT.
IT'S THE FIRST NETFLIX MYSTERY MOVIE.
I PLAY GENE HANSON, A HOMICIDE DETECTIVE.
THE OPENING SCENE, WE FIND OUT STEPHEN WEBBER IS THE MURDERER.
SO I'M NOT RUINING THE MOVIE.
THE OPENING SCENE HE GETS OUT OF THE POOL, LOOKS DIRECTLY INTO
THE CAMERA AND SAYS,"HI, I'M STEPHEN WEBBER, AND I PLAY THE
MURDERER IN THIS 'HANDSOME' MYSTERY MOVIE."
YOU.
>> Stephen: KNOW FROM THE BEGINNING WHO THE KILLER IS--
>> IF YOU REMEMBER "COLOMBO" YOU WOULD SEE DICK VAN DYKE COMMIT
THE MURDER -- >> Stephen: HE'S THE MAGICIAN
WITH THE WOMAN IN THE BOX BUT HE ACTUALLY KILLS HER THIS TIME.
>> THIS ONE I DID DIFFERENTLY.
BUT IT'S A MYSTERY MOVIE.
IT'S FUN.
I THINK THAT IF PEOPLE DIG YOUR SHOW, THEY'LL LIKE IT.
>> Stephen: NO DOUBT.
EVERYONE WATCHI WATCHING THIS SHOULD WATCH YOUR MOVIE.
>> BY THE WAY -- >> Stephen: THEY'RE SIMILARLY.
>> NO, BUT IT'S A SIMILAR SENSIBLE.
>> Stephen: BY THE WAY, "I'M STEPHEN COLBERT, AND I'M THE
MURDERER."
>> BY THE WAY, DON'T THINK I DIDN'T THINK OF THAT.
DON'T THINK THAT YOU WON'T GET A CALL.
>> Stephen: MAYBE I'LL BE AVAILABLE SOON.
( LAUGHTER ) ♪ ♪ ♪
JEFF GARLIN, LOVELY TO SEE YOU.
>> THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: "HANDSOME" IS AVAILABLE FRIDAY ON NETFLIX.
JEFF GARLIN, EVERYBODY.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK