You are now
coming from a more negative place
due to this experience
and you need time to heal.
So, when you jump into a new relationship
you are carrying that baggage
from the previous relationship
into this new one
with an innocent bystander.
(Music)
Hey, what's up everybody?
This is Stephan Labossiere
aka Stephan Speaks
back with another dating
and relationship advice video.
Today we're talking about
3 reasons why
rebound relationships don't work.
As always before we get started
be sure to like this video,
share this video,
hit that notification button,
and leave your comments below.
Do you think
a rebound relationship can work?
Now, for those of you
who may not be aware of
what a rebound relationship is.
It's essentially when
you were just in a relationship,
you break up
and then you jump into a new relationship, all right.
And a lot of times,
you're jumping into that new relationship
because you're trying to move past
the previous relationship,
you want to just
get a distraction
and all these different things.
And so, it becomes your rebound
to bounce back from the heartbreak
that you just experienced or
the letdown you just experienced
from your previous relationship.
Now, I'm not going to sit here and say
no one has ever
had a successful rebound relationship.
What I will say is that
it is unlikely to be successful.
It is in most cases
going to be a problem,
going to cause more damage
so, essentially it is not going to work.
So, let me give you those 3 reasons why
rebound relationships do not work.
Reason number one
you haven't had time to heal.
Listen,
you just had a relationship
with an individual
one year, two years, three years,
hell, maybe it was just a few months.
Either way,
you were emotionally invested, all right.
And now, you've been hurt,
let down, disappointed,
maybe you feel like you wasted so much time.
Whatever it is
you are now
coming from a more negative place
due to this experience
and you need time to heal.
So, when you jump into a new relationship
you are carrying that baggage
from the previous relationship
into this new one
with an innocent bystander,
with an individual
who may or may not be there
to genuinely love you.
But either way,
you are going to now make it
harder to find success
because you haven't resolved
the things that might trigger you.
You haven't addressed
the deeper issues that need to be addressed,
you haven't possibly corrected the behavior
that may have contributed
to your last relationship failing.
And if you don't do that
you’re going to see this one fail.
Not to mention,
I tell people all the time,
when you do not heal
you are 99.9% likely
to choose the wrong person.
Now granted,
I've never run a scientific study
to back up the 99.9%
but I have rarely if ever
found someone who hasn't healed
and were able to choose
and embrace the right person.
You might meet the right person,
you might entertain it for a little bit
but you will have a very hard time
staying in that relationship
because when you haven't healed
it is very difficult to be vulnerable again.
It's very difficult to
fully emotionally invest
at the level necessary
for a successful healthy relationship.
So, if you do meet the right person
it's going to make you very uncomfortable,
very overwhelmed,
and quite frankly scared as hell, all right.
And you are likely to sabotage
or run from that situation.
So, what is more likely to happen,
you're going to entertain the person
you don't have those feelings for.
You're going to entertain the person
who is good enough to be with
but doesn't cause you to be vulnerable.
You're going to entertain
the wrong person, plain and simple.
So, from the start
you are set up for failure
because you're dealing with someone
who doesn't belong in your life,
who you can't have a full
healthy relationship with.
So, it is always best
to not rush into a new relationship
but to take time to heal.
Now, people will ask me all the time
well, how long do I need to wait
before I date again?
Listen, it's not about time it's about healing,
it's about the work you put in.
If you do the steps to healing
and you accomplish that in
a few months and possibly even weeks
depending on what it is
that needs to be resolved it is possible,
then you're ready to date again.
However, if you drag your feet
and you just distract yourself
from your pain and you don't actually heal,
then it could take you years.
Hell, some people lifetime,
some people go to their grave without healing.
So, as always if you watch
previous videos then you know
I have my book Love After Heartbreak.
Check it out I've put the link in the description
and the comment section.
It will give you the steps to healing, all right.
And you got to do that because if you don't,
don't expect a rebound relationship
to work for you.
The number two reason why
rebound relationships don't work
is because you're more than likely
going to overlook the red flags.
So, again, we start with
the fact that you haven't healed.
And when you haven't healed
it also blinds you
from other people's dysfunction
hell, if anything,
it makes you more comfortable
with people's dysfunction.
Because in this other...
I don't want to say weird way,
but subconsciously it helps you
feel more comfortable
about your dysfunction, all right.
It is hard for someone who is broken,
who is hurt who still has trauma,
to deal with and embrace a very
healthy individual, all right.
Because it shines a light on their shortcomings
so, what we do
consciously or subconsciously
is entertain someone
who's as broken as us.
Who's as dysfunctional as us, if not worse.
Because now we don't feel as bad.
Now, we don't feel like
we have to do anything about our issues
because they got issues.
And so, we will find it easier to
overlook their red flags
and entertain the wrong individual.
So, again, with the healing,
you're going to be able to
see things more clearly.
With the healing,
you're not going to be able to
tolerate someone else's dysfunction.
And when I say not tolerate it
I don't mean look down on people,
I don't mean just automatically dismiss them.
I mean you're not going to entertain
an unhealthy relationship with them.
You're going to be able to call it out,
recognize it for what it is
and understand that
if they're not willing to fix it
or work on it
then you can't be with them.
But when you have not healed
you won't see it that way.
You will make excuses,
you will rationalize,
you will find all the reasons to entertain them
because you just want someone there.
You don't want to be alone,
you don't want to dwell in the hurt,
you don't want to think about your ex,
you just want companionship.
I can't even say love.
You want love
but what you're getting in that situation
is not love.
What you're getting is attachment, all right.
And you're now setting yourself up
for bigger problems later because
in that attachment,
in that investment of time,
you are now going to have
a harder time walking away.
You're going to have a harder time
accepting that you never belonged here.
You may know it
but again, you will distract yourself from it.
So, it's extremely important
that you heal and that
you understand that you cannot
overlook or make excuses for the red flags.
It is important to address them
not just in them, but in you as well.
So, again, this is just another
huge reason why rebound relationships
will not work.
And then the last reason why
rebound relationship won't work
is because you're probably
not truly over your ex.
Now, listen,
you may not like that reality
and you're trying so hard to
forget your ex and not deal with that anymore
and sometimes it's not even that
your ex was the right person for you.
They could have been toxic,
they could have been wrong for you
but because of all the
time and energy you invested,
you're still not over that situation.
So, when I say not over your ex
for a lot of you it's really not over
the relationship.
It's not over the time you gave,
you're not over the fact that
you feel like you made a bad decision
so, you haven't forgiven yourself
for that relationship.
But yes, in some situations
you may not be over the person you lost.
They may have been a good person,
it may have been
the potentially right relationship,
but you have been in a bad place.
Hell, you may have gotten
into that last relationship
not healed and then here you are again
entertaining someone else haven't healed.
And so, as I mentioned earlier
this new person
could be an innocent bystander.
So, you not only
damage yourself more
you damage them.
And now, this is how the cycle of
hurt people hurt people continue.
Because we don't take time to stop
and address the deeper issues within us first
before we go
spreading our hurt to other individuals.
And we convince ourselves
that we're not doing anything wrong,
that we're not hurting people,
but you are, you are.
You're hurting them, you're hurting you,
hell, if you got kids
you may be hurting the kids.
There's so much that goes wrong from this.
So, again,
to get back to the original
third point,
you may not be completely over your ex.
You need to make sure
you've resolved that within yourself.
The last thing you need
is to get with this new individual, all right
and your ex comes crawling back,
running back whatever.
And now because you haven't really
addressed that within you,
address whatever you feel for them
or the fact that you even
want to still be with them
you now find yourself in a situation
where you're conflicted.
You now find yourself in a situation where
you may hurt the new person even more
because you drop them
and go back to the ex.
I cannot tell you how many times
that has happened
and I have to say this.
It happens on both sides, men and women
but I'm going to tell you all straight up
I've seen or heard this story
a bunch of times when it comes to
women doing it.
Women jumping to that new guy,
ex comes back and you go
back to the raggedy old ex.
And again, I’m not saying
every ex is raggedy
and every ex is wrong,
but in a lot of cases
that is what's going on.
And so now, that new man is damaged
but again, it can happen on both sides.
I’m not saying men have never done it to women.
Either way, it's dysfunctional,
it's unfortunate, it is wrong.
And so, for all these reasons,
the rebound relationship
is not going to work.
You don't need a rebound
you need to heal, all right.
You don't need a rebound
you need to find yourself.
You don't need a rebound
you need to find your purpose
and create happiness within you.
Stop worrying about
having a relationship with someone else.
Stop worrying about attaching yourself
to another individual.
Some of you need to learn
how to be alone first.
And when you do all these things
and work on yourself
then you won't need to have
a rebound relationship,
you'll be able to receive a great
healthy and successful relationship.
So, I pray this was helpful to you.
Again, leave your comments below,
do you think a rebound relationship can work,
is there a reason that I didn't include
that you think we should talk about
as to why it won't work?
Either way, leave your feedback below,
subscribe to this channel,
like this video, share it,
and I look forward to seeing you in the next one.