I wasn't really patriotic before I joined the military I don't think
but just like knowing what the flag stands for after serving, you know..
I have a bigger meaning for it.
I joined the military when I was 20 years old, And I was A Navy C.B.
- Construction Battalion - I went to Guam, it was my first deployment,
it was a humanitarian effort and deployed to Afghanistan 2012 to 2013.
when I was deployed I ran convoys ran logistics for my
battalion we had detachment sites all over the country so I I traveled pretty
much all of Afghanistan and took supplies to our guys.
My childhood was good I mean my my parents were successful
I played sports was it was good at sports anything I played I was good at I wanted
to be like just like my dad basically I used to like follow my dad around on the
job sites once I joined the military especially once I had deployed
Afghanistan I found a really close group of guys brothers that would die for me
I never really experienced that before I was surrounded by you know 25 guys 24/7
for for nine months and then coming back to the real world
I like that was removed that was I didn't have those guys anymore
I didn't know what to do with myself I was suffering from depression anxiety
suicidal ideations loneliness - just not knowing up from down
I started drinking before I ever went to the military and I probably did not
drink normally I like blackout every time I drink and smoke some weed got
back from Afghanistan and was really messed up and I had a friend that let me
snort a line of oxycodone and it made everything feel fine - I felt better than
before I deployed so I wanted to feel that way all the time so I blew through
like 10 grand of deployment money. I kept hitting these walls where I would
just like run out of money burn every Bridge I had to get money and would go
detox or try and detox myself I didn't want to stay on that stuff I want I
needed to find a treatment center I went to two or three prior to tree house one
was the military the Navy put me in as a treatment center before I got separated
and then the second one I went to was in Maryland it was just the run-of-the-mill
treatment center and that treatment center everyone kind of just kept to
themselves to did their time and left just going from group to group sitting
all day no act no activity it wasn't an impact and it didn't make
an impact on me I went back home West Virginia and moved back in with a chick
went back to work relapsed within a week I hit another
wall couldn't get more money burned all the bridges went into the hospital the
VA and they put me on suboxone couldn't stay sober any other way and they said
this was the way to do it I was on suboxone for like for almost three years
at first it was I thought it was like the miracle drug it made me pretty peppy
I wasn't doing dope anymore I could go to work every day maintain like a normal
life it started like really really messing with my head I was also on like
a like a cocktail of psych meds - like antidepressants anti-anxiety lithium all
kinds of stuff and I wanted to to be done with it I felt like I was trapped
like my head I was just like living in hell basically the pain ended up growing
great enough for me to try and kill myself a couple times I ran ran the
exhaustion to my truck parked out in the woods and was in there was unconscious
and and my dad found me he broke my window pulled me out of the car I
remember being really angry when I will when I came to I was still alive just
didn't really didn't want to try anymore didn't didn't
want to do it anymore my dad took me home and I didn't want to go the
hospital and they they put a petition in for me to get committed to a psych ward
the sheriff's came and came and picked me up
I got 5150 and they I want I needed to find a treatment center talked to my dad
on the phone laws when I was in the hospital and he said that they found a
treatment center where the websites of guys lifting weights and they're like
riding boats in the ocean I was like all right let's do it
sign me up I was just like so self defeated with with everything and I had
no confidence in myself I wasn't even sure I was going to be able to be able
to do this so I went to detox and I came to tree house the level of brotherhood
I like found here at treehouse is is deeper than what I found it in combat I
started feeling like connected to a team pretty much right as soon as I came in
there there was there was another combat veteran on on my team when I first came
in and he kind of wrapped me up and very open and talked about everything right
off the get-go talking with guys and like crying with guys and just being
like a 100% transparent with them I grew these connections that I've never had my
life I was like incapable of looking at like how far I had been coming and my
therapist basically broke it down to me how far I had already come and this was
like the guy just like broke down crying like happy tears I don't think I ever
really cried from being happy but and just like pride that I was actually
doing it and even if it seemed like dumber
or like pointless I did it anyway and and I got results was overcoming my past
I was I was talking about things that hard to talk about deployment related
things didn't want to kill myself anymore you know depression and anxiety
are a thing of the past yeah I get anxious now but I I know how to like
deal with that anxiety I don't I don't go down the rabbit hole with it and let
it run my life I never thought it was going to be possible for me to be off
medications or in order to be healthy ever again - so to be doing like to
overcome all this stuff without any medications is is pretty amazing