Today we're gonna make out with gross things.
Both: Let's talk about that.
( music playing )
Good mythical morning!
- And Happy Valentine's Day, everybody! - Yeah.
We are packing a lot of love into today's episode.
It's like one big romance sandwich.
We're gonna bake a meat lasagna
in front of a huge industrial fan,
and see if we can guess marriage proposal answers.
But first we're going old-school,
way back to the '80s.
I'm talking about before iPhones even existed.
It was a time when people would sit around in a circle at parties
and use empty bottles for more than just recycling.
They used them to kiss people.
Yeah, right now we're gonna play a game of Spin the Bottle
like you've never seen before
and it just might make us barf.
Pucker up, y'all.
It's time to play...
Joining us for our gross food make out sesh we have
Ethan and Hila from H3H3.
( Rhett cheering )
Thanks for hanging out with us, guys.
- Thank you. - Thanks for bringing us here.
Did you know that we were gonna do this
before you got here?
- Yeah, they warned us. - Link: Okay, good.
- We were warned in advance - Kind of.
that I was gonna be forced to cheat on my wife
on Valentine's Day.
- But that's okay, you know. - Yeah.
But at least it won't be awkward.
- No. - I guess.
- Involving a mannequin. - Yeah.
Speaking of awkward, I should probably
acknowledge the fifth person with us here.
- Yes. - This is Andy.
Our androgynous mannequin.
- Say hi, Andy. - Hi, guys!
It's great to be here with you today.
I'm looking forward to some positive consensual touching
which frankly will really hit the spot after the week I've had.
Oh, boy.
Andy: Oh, boy.
So, is Andy short for androgynous
Uh, no, it's short for Jamie.
Ah, okay. Of course.
That makes sense.
All right, here's how this is gonna work.
Please don't make fun of me.
We're playing Spin the Bottle
but in our version of Spin the Bottle
Andy will be spinning the bottle every time.
So we all get to kiss Andy every round.
- Yay! - Here's the thing about Andy,
Andy is always going to have gross food on...
their face.
I've been doing a lot of shame eating this week
because as I've mentioned I have had quite a week.
Oh, boy.
- Wow. - Okay--
Oh, I've had quite a week.
- Okay. All right. - Oh, boy!
Okay, Andy Jamie.
Let's get to it.
Oh, my gosh!
Andy, what have you done to your mouth?
I have a secret substance on my mouth
that I hope someone will eat off with their mouth.
If you're wondering why I'm still speaking so clearly--
Yeah, I am.
Don't worry about it.
All right, spin the bottle.
Spin the bottle, Andy.
See who you're gonna make out with.
- Oh, my God. - Oh, no. Please.
Please, Andy.
- Oh, gosh. - This is intense.
This is the first round. We're in trouble.
Usually when you play this game you want it.
- Right. - Well, that depends on who spins it.
- Oh, my God, no. - Come on.
Ethan?
No! Rhett!
Gosh!
- Why, Andy? - Put your mouth on my mouth.
I can't even watch.
That doesn't even sound consensual.
- He had mentioned consensual. - Oh, gosh.
It stinks.
I'm getting sick just watching this.
You're opening your mouth at first?
No, that's not how you kiss.
- ( Andy moans ) - Ethan: Oh, no.
( Ethan and Link gag )
( Andy moans )
- Andy, why did-- - Wait, you swallowed it.
( grunting )
Happy Valentine's Day, everyone.
Look at this.
- Look at the aftermath of this. - Is it cat food?
Thank you for access to your tender lips.
Which is really making me feel better
after the week I've had. Oh, boy.
What is it, Andy?
- It tastes like vomit. - It's chopped pig liver.
- ( Rhett grunts ) - Wow!
Jamie, you've eaten something else already.
That's right, I've got another mystery substance on my mouth,
and you're gonna have to lick it off with your sweet food hole.
- Maybe not me. - Spin the bottle, Andy.
Let's decide who's gonna make out with mustard face
- or whatever that is. - Whatever this is looks
a lot more tolerable than whatever you went through.
May have to go again, though.
- Come on, baby. - Double dip.
- Come on. - No.
- Link: Ethan? Rhett? - Ethan: No!
- Ethan: No, no, no. - Link: Me?
You!
- Hila! - Hila!
Hila.
- I was just-- - Okay.
- We were saying-- - You're okay with this?
What can I do? It's the rules of the game.
She's asking permission.
Experimentation is normal within a marriage.
Now come on and give me that sweet food hole.
Hila, don't make me jealous now.
This sounds so weird.
I do recommend making eye contact.
Your marriage will be stronger after this.
Oh, God.
- Okay. - Get it.
Look, she's touching a little bit.
Hold the bicep.
( Andy moans )
That was a little peck.
- It's mustard I think. - Oh, it's just mustard.
- Oh, just mustard? - Just mustard?
It is Chinese hot mustard.
Rhett: Okay.
- It wasn't that bad. - How was Andy
as a kisser, by the way?
- You better say it sucked. - Could be better.
Thank you.
Okay, it looks like Andy has gotten into something else.
I will say that we replace
Andy's head with a new head every single time.
That's another feature of Andy.
- They're very versatile. - Right.
Just so we're not all eating off the same mouth.
- Fresh faces. - Hila: That's good to know.
I was under the impression
that we were gonna be sharing mannequins when I came.
That was kinda one of the selling points.
- Sorry to disappoint you. - I have herpes.
Me, too. I mean,
let's build upon that.
Let's make a super herpes.
There's different strains, man.
- I'm sorry I brought it up. - They get stronger every time.
All right, Andy, spin the bottle.
- Oh wow. - The good spinner.
All right what do you got? Nice chunky brown substance.
I'm excited.
I frankly hope that it lands on me if I'm being honest.
Link: Jamie, it looks like you have rabies.
Or super herpes?
Rhett: Oh, gosh.
Me!
This is working out very well.
- Yeah. - You're foaming at the mouth.
Bring me that sweet chew slot.
Oh, my gosh.
Okay.
Give in to the tenderness.
Mmm, gosh.
- This is sick. - Make it
as sensual and nasty as you want it to be.
Don't touch my privates, though.
( Andy moans )
Oh, man, that--
- ( Ethan gags ) - ( Rhett laughs )
( Andy moans )
My God.
Got a little right there.
It is glue!
What you been eating glue for, Andy?
This is not glue.
This is dog toothpaste.
- What? - Andy: Peanut butter flavored.
There is no peanut butter flavor in it!
- There is a peanut butter flavored dog toothpaste. - Get away!
I smell the peanut butter.
Are you serious? I do not taste any peanut butter.
- I smell it. - It tastes like glue!
- You just-- - Dogs have been lied to!
All right, Andy, spin the damn thing.
I don't know--
I've never seen a black edible so I'm concerned.
- A black edible? - There's a black edible.
- And probability says... - It's gonna be you.
- Ethan: It's gonna be me? - Hila: Keep moving.
- Ethan: Okay. - Rhett: This is too perfect.
There's someone under the table.
It's too perfect that we've all gotten one.
There's not anyone under the table.
Not rigged. It is not rigged.
Put your num-num zone on my black edible.
Andy. All right, Andy.
Can you close your eyes while we do this?
'Cause I find it awkward when someone's staring me right down.
I'm sorry, the eyes are the window to the soul.
I will be keeping them open.
( Ethan sniffs ) Oh! Oh!
Whoa!
What is this playing hard to get?
She got into some black magic.
Link: They're possessed.
- Give me that num-num slot. - I'm sorry, Hila.
- ( Andy moans ) - ( Ethan gags )
Link: Go in again, Ethan.
Link: There you go.
( moans ) Oh, First Corinthians.
Ethan: It's fishy.
- Oh. - Rhett: Uh-huh.
- Fishy? - I think I know what it is.
- I think I know what it is. - Black and fishy?
I don't know what's black and fishy.
It's squid ink.
That is right, it is squid ink.
That's a bodily function in my mouth.
All right, Andy.
- Spin again. - I've seen these lips before.
Link: This looks like a repeat from round one.
It's a different gross substance.
This, whatever it is, I don't want it.
And I think that Rhett should have it.
- No, no, no. - Rhett should have it, not me.
- Ethan: No! No! - Link: Ethan! Ethan!
Rhett!
Why do I have to have
the chunky stuff?
- I willed it. - You guys get like sausage,
and I get like chunky, meaty stuff.
Give in to the chunky pleasure.
Gosh, Andy!
Give in to my chunky pleasure.
Your habits are so wrong.
Stop mouth shaming me.
I live my life like I want.
I live my truth.
Now give in to the chunky pleasure.
( Ethan gags )
I'm already gagging.
Link, you have to watch. Don't--
You need to look into the sun on this one.
( Hila screams )
( Andy moaning )
( Ethan gags)
Gosh!
( Andy sighs )
Thank you, that was very tender and sensual.
- What is it? - It's a-- it's--
- ( gagging ) - Ethan: Don't-- You're eating it.
It's a food-- it's a food for animal.
I'll give you a hint.
It rhymes with bam fart.
- It's gotta be cat food. - What?
It's a lamb heart.
Whoa!
You are getting all the worst things by far.
I got pig liver and lamb heart. What did I do to you?
It's Valentine's Day!
Heart, see? It's a tie-in.
It's clever.
And I need a good laugh after the week I've had.
Oh, boy.
All right, Andy, you've clearly been having a tough week.
You've been teasing us, you've got stuff all over your face.
What's going on with you?
Well, I just got back from the doctor
and I learned that I have turbo herpes.
That's pretty aggressive sounding.
Yeah, it's really bad.
I'm the first known case.
Is that what that is?
Because if so, join the club.
Oh no, yeah, this is just another gross food.
All right, spin the bottle, Jamie Andy.
Hopefully, Link,
if it's me or you
we can help augment this case of herpes--
- Yes. - Yeah. Mm-hmm.
New levels of infectiousness.
Well, hopefully then it's you,
because I don't want--
I think--
Link: No! Yes!
- Hila! - Hila.
You have a chance to redeem yourself after that
first tepid kiss.
Really get into this one.
You're gonna love this. I can tell.
( sniffing ) I just wanna know what you're in for.
( gags ) Oh, God.
You were gonna try to pie face me?
We can do this in the closet for seven minutes if that'll help.
Get in there, Hila.
And don't be like timid like last time.
Get in there. Come on, make me jealous.
I don't want you to watch.
( Andy moans )
Andy really gets into it.
( Andy moans )
Now I think you should kiss this one, too.
Let your husband taste. I'd love to watch that.
You make a beautiful couple.
- Oh what is it? - What do you taste? Tell me.
- I have no idea. - It's...
It's kinda like Play-Dohy. Kinda Earthy.
- Soil? - It could be.
But it's too moist.
Andy, what is it?
It is Fly Pupa.
Oh gosh!
- I'm sorry, what is Pupa? - What?
The beginnings of a baby fly.
- What? - Pupa.
Congratulations, guys! You're gonna have flies!
You're gonna have flies in your tummy.
Oh, that's perfect. That's perfect for my herpes.
Can you believe they were such good sports?
Thank you to Ethan and Hila Klein from H3H3
for getting their gross food smooch on.
- Yes, thank you. - Yes.
Make sure you follow them on Instagram
and Twitter @H3H3Productions.
And you can check us out on the H3 podcast live
on Twitch tomorrow, that's February 15th.
And next up, love is in the air.
We're baking a romantic dinner in front of an industrial fan.
Will you join us?
I would absolutely love to join you guys.
It'd be a pleasure.
Link:
with the GMM mug in orange and black.
Available at Mythical.Store.