So I'm not going to lie
one of the few Disney sequels
that piqued my interest
a liiitle bit was Little Mermaid II.
Aside from Return of Jafar
I never saw any of the Disney sequels
They just didn't pique my interest
and I think I was a little too old for 'em
but when I saw the commercials for this one
about Ariel's daughter who is a human
who wants to become a mermaid
I thought... That's kind of a clever idea
...Okay I wasn't expecting much
I know it's a Disney sequel but..
I thought there were some possibilities in this.
I popped it in gave it a watch
and....
Yyyyyeah... It sucked....
Okay maybe that's too strong a word
but they just felt like an hour and a half of
Nothing.
This story should be so easy to make interesting
but instead you just felt like they're going through the motions.
The motions that, we gotta see these character again.
We gotta do at least five dumb kid's movies cliches
that you've seen everywhere
and we have to in no way make the characters feel like
their decisions are making the story flow.
Doing what the story says they have to do.
And it's a shame, because
like I said, I thought this was a good idea.
Ariel and Eric have given birth to a little girl named Melody.
She's about to be introduced to her grandfather, Triton
but then, Ursula's crazy sister...
Interrupts and threatens to kill Melody
Unless Triton hands over his his magic trident.
She's defeated but they decide to follow Frozen parent's logic
and just keep her away from the thing that she would obviously be very drawn to
instead of finding about a million other ways around this.
So she can never be told about merpeople or the sea or anything like that.
In fact they even build a wall in between the kingdoms.
[Insert Trump joke here.]
But Triton tells Sebastian to keep an eye on her
Because......Yeah..that makes sense...
And twelve years pass, but everybody acts like it was just twelve minutes..
No
really.
Twelve years later Sebastian is like.
"Oh, look after her he said.."
But... Wait.. Why are you acting like he just said that, when it was twelve years ago?
Also Ursula's sister is trying to turn this little guppy
back into a shark, that was just transformed into a guppy
Why are you still doing this twelve years later and acting like it just happened a few minutes ago?!
Th th...This is the kinda logic this movie runs on!
Melody constantly sneaks under the wall and goes into the sea because she loves it so much.
She..
doesn't question the fact that she can talk to crabs and fish 'n seagulls
but apparently every one else does and sees her as kind of weird.
When Sebastian accidentally gets loose during a party
and causes a big scene
she thinks she's to blame, even though...
Nobody said she's to blame.
And this ruins her big night.
That.. I guess could've possibly gone awkward anyway.
You see Ariel cross her fingers, though we don't know why.
She's afraid to dance with this boy, though we don't know why
She looks down at her feet like she doesn't know how to dance
but this was never addressed...
Yeah, we're not even at the meat of the story yet.
And nothing is adding up!
She finds her old magical locket that shows that the underwater city is real
and this convinces her that it's totally rational to leave her home and try to find it.
Yeah.
Again, kinda crazy.
She comes across Ursula's sister who turns her into a mermaid
but sadly she says she doesn't have enough magic to keep her that way.
The only thing that does enough magic, is King Triton's trident.
Who she now says he stole from her.
Because Melody has succumbed to stupidly written kid's syndrome, like in all bad scripts.
she believes her thinks Triton is the bad guy and goes and tries to steal from him.
Along the way, she comes across sea Timon and Pumbaa
Yeah, I'm sure they have other names, but it's just Timon and Pumbaa underwater
And she even totally 100% betrays her mother.
While also simultaneously dooming the world.
[The sound of a man who is dead inside]
God is this movie stupid
Every second there's another
dumb thing that doesn't add up
or something that just makes a character look selfish or idiotic
When Melody finds out that her mother has been lying to her
and that her life is a lie
Look at this!
She runs right past her dad!
The dad doesn't even give a shit!
Oh hey Ariel! What's up?
[Distressed critic noises]
Tend to your daughter you idiot!
He doesn't even go with Ariel to go find her, he stays behind and says 'good luck!'
Even Jasmine threw a punch in Aladdin three
This guy just does nothing!
The only characters very occasionally of interest
Are either Melody, or the evil sister
Once and a while they do a good expression on them
And hey, Pat Carrol's back
to do the voice.
She could read the phonebook and make it sound deliciously evil
Even the animation is just...
Generic..
I can't say it's bad...
But..
Nothing really stands out about it either.
I remember the incredible expressions that they gave Ariel in the first one
Even when she couldn't talk the animation on her face was just so passionate and so well done
Here she just feels like a robot.
Look kinda happy.
Look kinda sad.
Look kinda worried.
Look kinda whimsical.
It's like talking the notes instead of singing the notes.
The Disney sequels that had generic animation always had something that stood out about it.
Pocahontas II had a lot of great expressions, and some good nature shots
Beauty and the Beast II has nice winter colors and that awesome organ.
This just seems like it's there to do it's job.
And that's it.
I can't totally blame them, I'm sure they were rushed and had get it out fast.
But it's just so weird that nothing.
Freakin' nothing
stands out about it..
Even the songs are forgettable
I don't remember a single one!
I dunno.. I guess I shouldn't be shocked.. I mean..
It's a Disney sequel this is what were supposed to expect...but..
I really like this idea!
I wanted to see more of Melody longing for the sea.
I wanted to see more conflict between her and the parents.
I wanted her when she finally gets into the ocean to see what spectacular world it is!
Like her life is starting anew!
...But instead of feeling any of that you're just kind of shown it...
You're told what's going on and not experiencing it.
I guess it's not awful especially compared to other Disney sequels
it's just..
Bland..
And not very memorable
and for an idea like this, especially being a sequel to such a passionate film
You would think even a rushed sequel off of something so passionate would leave some kind of impact
I guess it's fine and corny enough for little kids
But for someone who really loved the beauty and energy and elegance of the original.
For me... this definitely... Flounders.