Now, this is from Liam Sullivan,
and screenshot of the actual exchange
he had on a dating app.
And so I thought what we do is I'll read Liam's part
and Sona, you can read the person that he is talking to.
Does that make sense?
Okay.
This is terrifying.
So you're the white bubbles and I'll be the green ones.
So I'll start, okay.
Yeah.
Ha ha ha ha, I like your style.
Thank you.
What are you doing now?
Watching Jimmy Fallon.
Huh? On DVR?
Yes, I don't stay up late enough to watch.
Cool. I get it.
I'm a Conan guy, myself.
He's not even on anymore.
It's been years LOL.
Yes, he is LOL.
Oh shit, what channel?
His last show of a 27 career in two weeks, lady.
You missed the boat.
He does have a podcast.
It's called "Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend",
Sona and Matt Gourley are delightful.
Kedakai as God made her.
Good night Madam.
It will never work,
A-cock-a-roo!
(Conan laughs)
I've always said,
I'm not sure I would watch me if I wasn't me.
Does that makes sense?
What? No you would.
No, cause I'm not naturally drawn to watching comedy.
I would probably watch documentaries.
I'd watch the stuff that I already watch
Oh I see what you're saying. and I'd be like,
Conan, he's still on?
I thought he died.
That's probably what I would be if I wasn't me.
I only know that I didn't die because I'm me.
(Matt laughs)
Does that make sense?
Yeah, Kind of.
But I think would watch yourself if you weren't you,
because you would have the same sensibilities
and you would appreciate it.
I would appreciate it
but I think I would only watch me if I wasn't me
because I thought I was attractive.
I would say "God, that guy's got really good bone structure.
Look at his cheekbones and he's really tall.
And look at that hair, I mean can that hair even be real?
He's got that great sort of Dick Van Dyke silhouette,
and he's got a strong jaw."
I would just be if I wasn't me and was someone else
and obviously looked like someone else,
I would see me and go, "Shit, that guy's fucking hot.
That's like a hot guy."
That's the only reason I would tune into the show.
Do you ever catch yourself in the mirror by surprise?
No, I don't catch myself.
I race to the mirror when I get up in the morning,
I run to the mirror to see me.
I'm so happy to see me.
'Cause I very much like the way that I look.
That's a nice message.
Yeah, so I have mirrors placed all over the place.
I've had whole conversations with my children
where I'm just looking at myself in one of three mirrors
(Sona and Matt laugh)
and they're telling me something that happened
to them at school that like hurt their feelings
or like a tough thing they're going through
and I give good advice.
But the whole time I'm looking at myself going, "God,
that just hair is incredible."
It is incredible hair, I will say.
Shouldn't have gotten into podcasting because you're
crushing down this mighty pompadour
with these big ugly headsets that you have to wear.
And you're robbing me of my trademark
and possibly my only really solid asset.
So we got to figure that out.
We got to get on that right away.
Yeah, let's make that a priority.
(Matt laughs)
Let's really make sure that we-
Well I don't have time to do it.
I'm busy DVRing Fallon.
That's my question, here's my thing.
What? [Matt] Yeah?
Younger people, I didn't know
they still have had TV and DVR'd things.
Am I wrong?
I thought everybody was a cord cutter now.
I thought we all just like would watch,
if you're gonna watch Fallon
won't you watch him on like Hulu the next day?
Well we don't know that that's a young person, do we?
Well she said, and no, you know what?
No, the LOL makes me feel like,
No I think I just found out we looked into it.
She's 68 years old.
(Sona laughs)
No, she was a nurse for the Marines in the Korean War.
I mean, her punctuation tells me that she's,
she doesn't capitalize Jimmy Fallon.
She puts a space between the O and the B in your name.
I mean, this is all like young stuff.
No, these punctuation rules you're following
really came along in the 80s, 70s and 80s.
(Matt and Sona laugh)
So I think it's a very, very old woman
who isn't really, you know, that hip.
The oldies never really got you.
The oldies we're going to call them now?
I don't know, like the older demographic,
you always had a younger demographic audience
because you know, you had a lot of things
that people didn't get when they were older.
Like you're very like animated and you're very like goofy.
And so they're just kind of like, "Oh,
I don't know about this Conan guy."
When I walk into a restaurant for a lot of my career,
old people would see me and get up and leave,
they would physically leave the restaurant.
Sometimes they would climb out a window
rather than be in the same room with me.
[Sona] Oh god.
Yeah, there was something about, I was too,
this is back in the nineties,
but I was very energetic and strange.
And the comedy was weird and I had many old people tell me,
I wish you had never been born.
Oh my God. [Matt] Whoa.
Yeah, my grandparents have said that.
My grandfather said that every time I walked into a room.
Rough life.
Is it bad that I said the oldies now I'm worried that I,
Oh, no, they're not listening to this podcast.
Okay, all right.
But no, I shouldn't say that
because there are lots of elderly people who do understand,
you know, whatever it is I do.
I don't understand whatever it is I do.
So I never take it personally when someone isn't on my
wavelength, you know, many geniuses have been, okay,
let's not go down that road.
Oh god.
I think people should not reference me
in their dating apps.
I think it's a mistake.
You know, what If this could have been
the perfect love match, but then because this guy
doubled down on Conan O'Brien, he blew it.
But I think he's putting his cards out on the table,
this is what matters to him
and he needs someone that will appreciate that.
I'm telling my fans,
if you want to carry on the species,
if you want to procreate, stop mentioning my name.
Don't mention Conan O'Brien
when you're talking to a lady, you know,
or if you're a lady to a guy.
When chemistry and biology and sexual matters
are involved, my name should not be invoked.
It runs counter to the pursuit.
I don't know. I disagree.
Okay, mention it a lot.
I invoke your name in sexual encounters all the time.
(Sona laughs) It only helps.
Yeah, I think, you know,
I would say, if you really want to test someone
and mention my name during sexual encounters,
That's what I mean.
Yeah.
Just start shouting Conan at a critical moment.
That will tell you everything you need to know.
(Matt laughs)
It's horrifying.
You know what,
it's horrifying when you think of any host, actually.
'Cause if you're yelling Fallon,
at the same time, that's not good either.
[Matt and Sona] No.
There's no hosts whose names should be yelled
at the critical moment.
No, Diane Sawyer, no.
(Sona laughs)
Oprah.
Morley Safer
(Matt and Sona laugh)
I actually think that works kind of in a weird way.
Yeah.
Morley Safer!
Regis!
Regis kind of works.
Yeah. Regis does work.
He's no longer with us,
but one of the great hosts of all time.
And I think during climax, if you yelled Regis!
It just, I don't know, It sort of works.
Oh, geez.
It does sort of work!
Well it sounds like we all got some homework.
Yeah. Wait, what?
What does that mean?
We got to find out if that works.
Matt said, Oh, I see what you mean.
let's get to doing it.
And then with our respective partners and yell out Regis
during coitus. Yeah, everybody,
all the listeners, next time you get to it,
yell Regis and report back.
Yeah.
Yeah, do that,
(Matt laughs)
do that because a podcast told you to do that very thing.