Have you heard of the number one rated autism podcast? No, it's not Turn Autism
Around. That's my podcast. It is called Autism Live and the host is Shannon Penrod celebrating
something like 11 years of, many times a week, they're doing this show. So anyway, today we are
talking, uh, showing you a clip of me interviewing Shannon Penrod, who is filled with so much wisdom.
Um, we talk about her son and we talk about the things she's accomplished to help other parents.
Welcome back to another video. I'm your host, Dr. Mary Barbera. And, um, each week I provide you
with some of my ideas about turning things around. So if you haven't subscribed to my
YouTube channel, you can do that now. So like I said, we are showing a small excerpt from podcast
number 186 with Shannon Penrod today. Um, it's, she's just a very, um, warm,
funny mom with so many stories and so much insight into the autism world. Let's get to that.
And I really wanna talk before we, you know, wrap up here, we have a couple more minutes
and I mostly wanted to have you on the show to talk about your book. So can you tell
our listeners, hold it up, tell us your, the name of the book and, uh, all about the book.
So here's the book it's just out. It's called Autism Parent to Parent. And the
subtitle is Sanity Saving Advice for Every Parent with a Child on the Autism Spectrum.
And, um, and I'm gonna hold up Mary's book at the same time, because I think that these are great
companion books. I think if you have both of these books, uh there's you really would have a leg up.
What I did in mine is I, I said, I, you know, I've been on this journey for a while and
hosting all these shows and talking to all these experts and then what we've gone
through. And the parents that I've talked to, there are a couple of things I've learned and
you know, now I'm sure it's like this for you too, Mary, that people will call me up and they'll go,
oh, my friends' child just got diagnosed. Can you talk to them? And it becomes this,
ou know, phone call where I wish that I had all this stuff to be able to give them. And I
made a promise to myself that I was gonna write it all down so that even when I'm not here,
it would be, there would be a record of it somewhere in that it could help somebody.
And I think where this book is a little bit different, is that, like Mary's book
is amazing because it's really the steps of how to do, you know, this, this and the other,
which is just amazing. I think, you know, where my book is a little bit different and I think a
good companion piece to it is that I tend to talk about, you know, okay, so this is gonna happen.
Here are some ways that you might feel about it. And here's what to do when you're feeling that
way. I wanna normalize it for parents that you're entitled to have all the feelings that you have.
It does not make you a bad parent. You're a great parent. And here's how you wanna talk to yourself
so that you get back to doing the good things. And I demystify some of the things, cuz there's
a lot of bad information out there. Um, people will say things to you and I,
I give you tips and, and tricks for how to weed through whether it's important to you,
whether it's not important to you and how to deal with the feelings. Every chapter ends
with a little self talk, uh, about, you know, say this or something like this to yourself.
When you're feeling the feelings around it, because I didn't have that. And for me,
the feelings were as much a part of the experience as everything else. The feelings were huge. Yeah.
And, and I, you know, for me, I just, I, I think if, what all of us wish for in the moment that
somebody is about to get the diagnosis or getting the diagnosis is that they had a, a best friend
who'd already been through it that you could call up and the friend would say, You're okay.
Your kid's gonna be okay. There's some stuff you're gonna do differently. People are gonna
look at you funny. You're gonna survive that. And here's how, and you know, and here are
some lines to go stand in line in. And, and in that way, you know, it overlaps a little
bit with your book and I I'm gonna say this. I think that your book is much better about
saying here's what to do. And then do this next. My book is much more about,
and when you get in that line and you feel like this, and your mother-in-law says to you this,
here's how you're gonna live through that. and you are gonna live through it and it is gonna happen.
And somebody's gonna say something stupid. That's not helpful to you. And it, you know,
you can't let it take you off course. Yeah, but allow yourself to acknowledge how you feel.
Cause there's a whole lot of people telling autism parents well just get over it.
I don't know how you do that, right. Or that's, it doesn't have to be the center of your life.
It's like, well, how can it not be when? Yeah. Spending hours and hours and hours trying to
coordinate, you know? Yeah. Or stop being angry. You're angry all the time.
Don't be guilty? Yeah. You know? Yeah. It's like, okay. But, you know, and I, and I think,
and I haven't read your book yet, but I am definitely going to read it now.
Um, but I, I don't think I do enough with all the feelings. Um,
I've always been like, come on because once you start to see progress with, you know,
the materials and stuff like that, you will naturally feel better and you'll have more
hope and your child will communicate better. And, you know, so I'm just like, come on,
you know, I mean, of course, which I think is valid and important Mary and I, and I like
the fact that you were saying that they really go hand in hand nicely. I think so. I don't, I think
it sounds like you do a much better job at the feelings, the emotions, the things that are gonna
come up and they're not just gonna come up during that early diagnosis period. They're gonna come up
all the time. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. And I, you know, there, what I love is that people have said to
me who have read it, they're like, oh my gosh. And then, you know, I'll be reading this very
serious thing. And then you make me laugh out loud. Cause I can't show up and bring at least
some of the funny. Um, and, and I, my way of looking at the world is just funny anyway.
Well, and you were a comedian. I, I, I was a stand up comedian. I was a standup comedian for a while.
Um, I just pretend that I am now in my, in the, in the, the confines of my personal shower. Uh so,
but my view, I, I would love a show by you because I think, um, you are very funny. Can I tell you, I
have you, we haven't even talked about this, that, um, before the pandemic I started doing a one
woman comedy show called the autism Mamalogues. Okay. And it's, it's a series of like I do
the IEP and I play all of the characters in the IEP. Oh, And, um, and then we, we had dates,
we were set to go on tour and then pandemic happened. So at some point I'm gonna get back to
the autism monologues. We've talked about filming it, um, you know, professionally filming it.
But because it, you know, I said to somebody, my head is like a clown car.
And so when autism came along, I didn't stop having a clown car in my head. I just looked at
the things like diagnosis and how, you know, uh, there's a whole segment of it that's a game show.
And, um, and there is a category that's, uh, river in Egypt, um, because it's all the different ways
that I was in denial that, I mean, If you, when you go on tour, please let me, let me, I will
let you know, let you, I would love to come. And it's not the kind of thing you can just
do a YouTube clip because yeah. That's all your material and it's, you know, yeah. It,
it is more of a live thing, but it's gotta be so tough as a comedian to have all these great ideas.
And then well, there is one clip that is online. I don't know. I'll find it.
And I'll send. It's uh, it's um, it's called alphabet land. Uh, I don't know if that's what
we named it, but it's about all of the acronyms. Yeah. That drive you full on crazy. And it's a
song it's like a music video. Um, but it's, uh, It's a laugh. If you get it, you know,
it's hysterical. One of my friends who came to see the show, when we got to that portion of the show,
he said, I didn't understand a single word that you said, cuz it was just all these acronyms.
And he said, but the fact that people were laughing so hard that they were close to throwing
up, he said, there must be a thing he doesn't have a kid of the spectrum. He was like, I, you
gotta explain to me what that thing is/ But I feel like every day, even though Lucas is gonna be 26
in a few days, From the time of this recording. And it's like, I feel like every day I'm just
shaking my head. Like you can't even make this stuff up. Yeah. Right. Like it's just
unbelievable. And, and, you know, Lucas needs lifelong care, 24/7 care. He, you know,
barely communicates, you know, um, and, and he's still as independent, as possible,
as safe as possible, as happy as possible. And your son is, you know, not even identifying
as having autism at this point. And, and, you know, but I think it shows, it shows us,
it shows our listeners that you know what, it doesn't matter where you end up. Exactly. It
doesn't matter where you start or where you end up. You can still have a happy, fulfilling life.
And so can your kid, and I think that's an important story that we need to be telling
all the way down the road. What I hear all the time is parents who their kid is you know, 25,
35, whatever. And they finally have the epiphany. This is my kid, and I love my
kid and I'm always going to love my kid. And I do have a relationship with my kid and we do have a
way that we communicate with each other. And I do know my child, even if my child
cannot utter a single sound, even if they are not proficient pointing at a thing and, and,
you know, communicating me with me that way. I still have all of that with my child. And that in
that moment they go, oh, I've wasted all of these years worrying about, you know, and I feel like
if we can tell these stories that maybe we can get parents on that ship earlier so that it doesn't
have to be an epiphany when they're 25, that I feel very confident when whenever a parent
comes to me, that I can say to them, you're gonna be okay. And your kid is gonna be okay.
I don't know what your path is gonna be. And I don't know where you're gonna end up,
but let's start with, you're gonna be okay. Cuz I don't feel like there's enough people telling
that story, Mary and I think when people see that both of us are okay. Mm-hmm we're okay.
And our kids are okay and they're leading happy, productive lives. Maybe, maybe that will resonate.
I hope you enjoyed that short excerpt from podcast 186. If you did
check out the full podcast by looking in the show notes or comments, and for more information
about how you might be able to join our online course and community, you should attend a free
workshop today at marybarbar.com/workshop. And I'll see you right here next time.