Hey girls! Tiffany dawn here, and I have pulled my hubby James back into this
video. He's so kind. He's on his lunch break for work right now, eating and
I asked him if he would just kind of chat with us. So um basically this video
is for girls like me, who when I was in high school and college, I had these- and
most of my 20s- I had these like three questions: Number one, why am I still
single? Number two, why doesn't anybody ask me out?
And number three, why doesn't anybody like me? And I just felt kind of like
left out, like all my girlfriends--- Do you mean by guys, right? Oh yeah. Sometimes
people say that, but what they really mean is the guys that I think I like,
don't like me back. Right, exactly. So we're gonna talk about that. Today I have
four tips for you, and James is gonna add his two cents in, and these four tips are
just things that can maybe help, like if you're kind of feeling stuck, like
nobody's--no guys are interested in you, these are four things that you can try
that might actually help. So tip number one is be open, like be friendly. I
realized that I kind of was just walking around with this like stone cold face
toward guys. And really I was so scared of rejection that I-- like if I liked a
guy, there was no way I was gonna let him know I was interested by my actions,
because I was so scared of being rejected and I just couldn't handle that.
And so I just kind of was mean or like cold toward them. And I remember like in
later years actually, this guy who I'd actually liked back then, we'd gotten
reconnected. And as we were talking, he was like, "ou know I almost asked you out
back then," or, "I wanted to ask you out back then." And I was like, "What? Why didn't you?"
And he goes, "I didn't think there was any chance you'd say yes, based on like
how you treated me." I was like, Ohhh... That's such a good story.
I feel like this happens all the time between guys and girls and it's kind of
like this emotional game of chicken. It's like, "Well I I would like to ask her out
but I really don't want to be rejected so I'm just gonna like observe and maybe
I can like see the signs if she likes me." Yeah it takes a lot for a guy to like,
to ask a girl out. Guys hear stories about rejections, guys have probably been
rejected a couple times, like we're scared.
So the friendlier you can be, the easier it's gonna be for us to be like,
talking to her, talking to her, and, "Do you want to gout for ice cream?" You sort of
have to like squeeze it out. Yeah I don't think girls realize that enough,
like how scary it is for guys, because like guys seem like they have no emotion
sometimes. That's not true; we just don't know how to express it.
Yeah so I think that's really important to know. And I found like the more
approachable we can be in our demeanor-- like even ask some of your honest
friends, "How do I come across to strangers or to guys? Like am I coming
across like the mean person, or am I like smiling and like open to talking with
them, and like easier to talk to?" -- I think that just makes it a whole lot easier
for a guy to work up the courage to ask you out. Yes okay yes. So tip number two
is expand your horizons a little bit. So I always had like this certain kind of
guy that I wanted to go out with. I like I wanted to go out with a guy who was six
feet tall -- not a James look-alike by the way. Well in some ways; I mean you have dark hair
and dark eyes which I wanted, and like tan-ish or olive skin, you know, but
you're not 6'3", which is what I wanted. Nope. It'd be nice if I was. Well it's kind of nice that
you're not, because like guys I dated who were over six foot tall, like trying to
kiss them was like -- it put a kink in my neck. That's why you go to the chiropractor so much now! It makes sense!
And I wanted him to play guitar -- nope -- and be a worship leader
and like a youth leader and stuff like that, so I definitely was looking for
like this very specific type of guy. When I was in my 20s, I was like: Wow I'm going
to all these different events and I'm meeting all these different guys and I
keep coming home and saying there's no good guys out there. But what I'm really
saying is there's no good guys who are 6'3" and play guitar and lead worship. And that
might have been true that there were no single ones left. But like I was way too narrow
in my focus and I really needed to expand my horizons. But I think it's easy
to like narrow our options so much and be looking for something so particular
that we pass by amazing guys. Now it's important to be attracted to the person,
absolutely, but like you can be attracted to more
than one type of person. Mm-hmm. That is true. And I know even one of my one of my
friends who's single is, I think most people would agree, is a pretty
attractive human being. And all of Tiffany's friends
want to meet him. That's so true. But they don't know him at all! They just see his
picture on social media and they're like, "Yeah! We want to meet him!" But they really, they have no idea what he's like.
Yea, like it's very shallow. Like guys do the same thing. But like, you
can't-- you're not truly gonna be attracted to someone until you know them.
Personal interaction is so important. It's important for girls to realize too,
like we get frustrated with guys because we're like, "Why do you guys just
go after the cute, popular girls? Like it's not fair, why isn't anyone
interested in me?" But girls we do the same thing to guys so many times! Well I
think every person is sort of inclined to do that on some level. That's true.
And it's just something to be like really careful about and just aware of. I realized I
didn't even notice other guys in the room if they didn't meet my mold and I
had to open my eyes and literally like open my peripheral vision to be able to
notice these other guys, and even get to know them. And I'm so glad I did because
I really like being married to him. Yeah. Still can't play guitar. Tip number three
is like go out in places where you can kind of meet more people.
Different kinds of people, yeah. Like get involved in different circles.
Because I think it's really easy to just like want to spend all your time- fill it
all with girls nights. And that's fine, but if that's all you do with your time,
where do you expect to meet guys? Yeah Or get to know guys. We do not attend girls nights. Yeah.
That's true. You have man cave nights. I'm always like, "Where are all the guys?" They're all
together, all the good guys. If you find one, there's a pack of them! I'm like
convinced of it. But yeah there is some truth to that. So I think it's important
to like actually like get to know different people, like hang out with
friends from work, hang out with from church, hang out with friends from
school, and just like, you know, bring a girlfriend with you and go and just join
them, and get to know new people and other circles. And kind of - I don't
know - it also expands your horizon. Try to make - try to regularly meet new people.
Many of them you won't connect with and that's totally fine, but you'll probably
end up making some new friends. Yeah and that can be really scary for someone who
isn't an extrovert. Like James is 100% extroverted. I'm not.
"Whoo, new people!" Yeah for real though. It's like the Energizer Bunny. But for me like I don't
love just meeting new people all the time; it's
super draining and nerve-wracking. But if you plan for it. Yes. And you don't do it
super regularly, and you just do it like once every other week. And if it has
like structure. So like I would join - I remember joining this Bible study for a
while and it was like with a different church and I had a couple of friends who
went, so I went. And I was very clear, like I'm only here for this
session, and I was very honest with myself and with my friends: I was only there
to meet any cute guys there. I shouldn't say just cute. It was true at the time.
But to meet guys, I should have - I should have been just guys - yeah. And then
tip number four is a surprising one, which is: you can ask the guy out. That's
totally fine. We are fine with that. I speak for the
entire male race. Not really, but sort of. You know it's a great if a girl asks you
out. If she like doesn't say, "Would you like to go on a date with me," but more
like, "Hey you do want to like study sometime or do you want to get some
coffee," you know. You're like, "Oh they do like me!" It's great. It's like a less subtle clue
that they can start to pick up on. Yeah, yes, we don't do subtle. Yeah I
definitely speak for the male race there. And I think some sometimes girls get
kind of hung up on the idea of, "But the guy has to pursue me." Yeah but being
pursued is like something you see over a period of time, like months. Like if you
look back over the last four months and you don't feel like you're being pursued,
that's one thing. Who asks who on the first date? Not a big deal.
Yeah and really like I think both people should also be pursuing each other.
Excuse me as I'm hiccuping. If only one person is pursuing, even if it is the guys, that's
gonna be a miserable relationship. So those are our four tips.
In closing, let me just say, like, girls if you feel this way, there are so
many girls who feel this way. I want you to know you're not alone. And guys - yeah -
on a serious note. Cause like I think I think it's easy to think we're the only
ones left. Like I'm the only one who's never been asked out, and the only one
who's never had a boyfriend, like what's wrong with me? And you're not the only
one. There are so many girls who feel that way and I personally know like
several of them, and they're amazing girls and they are in that same place.
And it's tempting to ask like, "What am I doing wrong?" And I think if you're doing
these four tips and you're open to, you know, what God has for you, and not
kind of hiding in fear, I think you're fine. And also that like, your worth
can't come from guys, which sounds so cheesy and church talk-y, but like truly,
it's real. Like even being married I always thought you know being married,
like then I'll have this husband who like helps me find all my worth and he
like loves me so much. And even though James is a wonderful husband and does
love me so much, like when I try to look to him for my sense of like worth and
who I am, it like falls short. Like he cannot give that to me. I have to find
that in God. And I know that it's hard to hear when you're single cause you're like,
yeah but it's easier at least when you're married. And yeah it's nice to be
married and I love that like affirmation from him, but we - at the core it cannot
fill any part, any void in me. And so I think like right now, like finding that
in Christ is huge, even though it sounds really cheesy, it's huge. Yeah and I
think all of us are sort of on different timelines and no one timeline is better
or worse than another. You know sometimes we think, "It'd be so cool to marry
someone, you know, your highschool sweetheart!" And that is wonderful.
But also for people like Tiffany and I who met in our late 20s, it's been
wonderful for us too. And we think, "If we dated in high school, we would have
fought for like ten years!" We would not have even lasted a day. And like we got to
have so many adventures in the meantime, like you got to travel around South
America for a year and like build a tree house air B&B kind of thing and like go
on like work on a sheep farm in Patagonia and like all that. And Tiffany got
to travel and tour, and you know that yeah, you know we just had amazing
experiences in our single years with God. So I just want to encourage you like,
don't feel like you're being left out, even though it feels like that sometimes.
um I really think that this season can also be a gift even though it's hard.
So I have some videos linked down below about that. One is what I wish I knew
when I was single, and one is to all the single girls, and they kind of share my
own experiences more with this. So girls I hope that those four tips can help in
some way, and that this can encourage you. Comment down below if there's anything
you would add to this list and we will see you again soon.
Love you girls! Bye. Bye.