It’s October 22nd, 2018.
In 4 short days, Red Dead Redemption 2 will finally be in the hands of millions of
eager fans.
The vast, expansive, expensive wild west adventure is part blockbuster action spectacle, and
part gritty survival sim.
Polygon’s Russ Frushtick is scripting a video guide to the game’s esoteric “core”
mechanic — a system that requires players manage the food and drink intake of protagonist
Arthur Morgan to maintain the best possible stats.
Russ types “Just make sure you’re only eating when you need to or you’ll become
overweight, which will have an impact on your abilities.”
Just 22 words.
22 words that will drive a team to the brink of oblivion.
22 words that will change my life forever.
On Tuesday, October 23rd Russ’s script is finalized, and Polygon sets about the work
of gathering the accompanying footage.
The task is assigned to one Simone de Rochefort.
Simone captures most of the footage she needs without incident.
Exercising to increase her stamina core.
Check.
Getting kills to fill her Dead Eye Core.
Check.
But one task remains unchecked.
Simone can’t seem to make Arthur gain weight.
She’s set up shop at a frontier saloon and eaten several bowls of Oatmeal, but Arthur
won’t get bigger.
The game’s menu still shows him as “underweight.”
For the first time, she takes to Vox Media’s internal communication platform Slack, seeking
help from her co-workers.
Reading of line
The suggestions begin to trickle in.
Samit Sarkar, Front Page Editor of Polygon, suggests switching to a meat-based diet.
Simone explores this lead.
Over the next 30 minutes, she’ll eat 54 servings of Lamb Fries, a hearty dish of bread
and sheep’s testicles.
Earth will complete a full rotation on its axis while Simone feeds Arthur $200 worth
of beef stew - the equivalent of $6,080 today.
The Meals are not enough.
Arthur is still underweight.
Polygon Guides Editor Dave Tach suggests switching to empty calories.
Candy and processed, canned foods.
The problem is, Candy costs money, and Simone has spent all of hers on stew.
She has a pocket full of golden teeth, but no interested buyers.
She realizes the answer lies across the street.
Valentine’s Federal Bank.
Robbing a bank in Red Dead Redemption 2 is a risky proposition.
Tellers can be stubborn, customers can be hard to control, and the law moves swiftly
in this small town.
Simone understands the risks, but she’s on a mission.
She’s one job away from all the candy she could ever want.
One job away... from being large.
The job doesn’t go well.
Arthur Morgan is shot dead.
Undeterred, Simone reloads her previous save, and reinvests her meat money in cold, hard
candy.
She gorges on treats, rests, and finally - finally grows.
Arthur Morgan is now of average weight.
But the celebration doesn’t last long.
When Simone returns to the store, the floor is still littered with the previous day’s
cans, and the shopkeeper won’t sell her any more.
Tired, but not yet defeated, Simone catches a train to Saint Denis - a bustling city of
luxury and excess.
Simone prays that their candy shelves are stocked to match.
Simone arrives and eats, but it’s not enough.
Arthur is not large.
It’s now 1:30pm, and the deadline to finish the video is drawing near.
Despite the intoxicating call of big Arthur, Simone must abandon her quest.
After nearly four hours of work, here’s what appears in the final video.
The mission is over.
Or... it should be.
My name is Patrick Gill.
I’m a Video Producer at Polygon dot com.
I enter this story at 12:01 am on October 26th, when my copy of Red Dead Redemption
2 unlocks on PlayStation 4.
I believe I can solve the mystery of Large Arthur.
My three pronged plan is simple:
More Food.
More Sleep.
Less Exercise.
I stock up on goods, and head to my lavish Hotel Room in Saint Denis where I hope my
scheme will come to fruition.
Sitting on the bed, I eat canned treats, occasionally breaking to sleep for the maximum allowed
time.
When I wake up, I start again.
When I run out of food, I ride my horse to the store, careful not to exert myself any
more than necessary.
I do this for days.
Arthur’s hair grows shaggy.
His beard grows long.
But no matter what I do, he won’t gain weight.
One night, I return from a food run to find a distressing message.
The game informs me that I’ve slept too much, and I can’t go back to bed.
This is tyranny.
I stock up on supplies and ride away from civilization, out to the swamps where a man
is free to eat and sleep as he desires.
In front of a campfire, under the stars, Arthur and I feast and slumber.
We’re surrounded by the evidence of our efforts.
Empty cans of corned beef, peas, peaches, offal, strawberries, and delicious baked beans.
Yet each time I go to sleep, I wake up to find myself at the same exact weight.
I am out of food.
I wander the swamps searching for treats.
All around me, I hear the screams of wild pigs.
Happier, freer, and larger than I’ll ever be.
Nature itself is mocking me.
I follow one of them to the river, and wade in.
Endless calories.
Countless naps.
And I’m still exactly what I’ve always been.
I swim out until I stop floating.
I can’t get big, but maybe the creatures of the river will grow fat on me.
It’s been several days since the release of Red Dead Redemption 2, and I’m no longer
alone in my quest.
I stumble upon a Reddit thread that explains the trick to gaining weight.
According to this, you must eat until you hear a chime, set up camp, break down camp,
and repeat.
No one in the thread can provide photographic evidence of the overweight Arthur, or even
confirm that it works.
But it’s an ember of hope.
I wade back on to dry land and journey to the mountains.
I set up camp, eat, and break down camp in an unending cycle.
A ritual of creation and destruction.
Each time I swallow a tin of beans, I hear that encouraging jingle, coaxing me on.
I’m getting closer.
I climb higher, to the peak of the nearby mountain.
I can feel that I will soon be large, and I want the moment to be perfect.
A new Reddit comment claims you don’t need to set up camp - just take a knee between
meals.
On top of the mountain, I eat and kneel, eat and kneel, eat and kneel - the telltale chime
whispering to me that soon, I’ll complete the quest Simone began a lifetime ago.
I will see Larger Arthur in all his glory.
I finish my food.
And I check the menu.
And I am still average.
The sun rises, and the sweeping vista tells me what I’ve known all along.
The truth I’ve been trying to outrun.
I am small.
From these impossible heights I see that even the largest Arthur imaginable would still
be small.
Just a speck, dwarfed by the totality of creation.
The land, the creatures, the people.
I think about their lives, their daily struggles in the world below.
As the sun plays across the treetops, the answer dawns on me.
How do you get bigger in Red Dead Redemption 2?
Our bigness isn’t measured in pounds, but in the impact we have on the people with whom
we share this world.
I reflect on the journey here.
Every chat with a shopkeeper, every fishing trip, every tip of the hat on a dusty road.
Each one of those people carries me with them.
I imagine the shared memories of Arthur flowing like tributaries into a great sea, and from
that sea rising a mighty cowboy.
And I am in awe at the size of this lad.
Editor’s Note: We apologize for not knowing how to make Arthur gain weight.
We reached out to Rockstar for assistance, but they declined to comment on record.
Here is an artist’s rendition of what a large Arthur might look like.