Gary Chapman wrote a book with a simple premise that has really resonated with a lot of people,
it’s called the 5 Love languages, and I like it because it’s a very simple way to
improve your relationships.
It’s not about psychoanaliyzing or complicated techniques-it’s just learning to love your spouse
in the way they like to be loved.
Now this book was not research backed initially, but it stuck such a chord with people that
his books have become immensely popular (it's a #1 NYT bestseller) - the principles in this book really can apply to any type of
relationship-I’ve enjoyed using them in them with the teenagers, families
and couples I’ve worked with.
And My husband even had to take a survey at his work so that his boss knew how to show
him appreciation in the way he liked.
Chapman’s basic premise is that each person has a natural preference for how they like
to give and receive love.
He calls this preference a Primary Love Language, and what that means is that the way that an
individual expresses or understands or receives love may fall into one of five categories.
the first one is
Words of Affirmation- so this is things like praise, saying “I Love you” giving compliments or verbally
expressing care the second love language is
Physical Touch- this can include sex, but isn’t limited to that- a toddler may enjoy
roughhousing, teenagers may like a squeeze from the side, a friend may appreciate a hug
or a coworker may like a high-five or a pat on the back.
the third love language is
Gifts- this is not usually about materialism, but more often it’s sentimentality, people
appreciate something concrete to remind them of the other’s love for them.
the fourth one is
Acts of Service- Doing something for the other person- like cleaning their car for them, or packing
their lunch, helping them with a difficult project, etc.
the fifth love language is
Quality Time- Spending time together,
Obviously people often like to give and receive love in multiple ways, they aren’t just
limited to a single method.
The premise of Gary Chapman’s book is that people have a primary love language, and they
many not realize that the way they like to give love might not be the way the other person
likes to receive it.
So say that I like to give and receive sentimental little gifts, and I may spend a lot of time
thinking about and creating these gifts, but my husband isn’t really into “stuff”.
His primary love language is Quality Time.
So even if I put a ton of effort into a card or gift, he may not really feel that expression
of love from me in a strong way.
But don’t worry if you and your significant other have different primary love languages,
Just like spoken languages, we can learn to speak new languages or translate as needed
between two different languages.
So if your husband’s love language is quality time, instead of buying him a gift for his
birthday, you set up the babysitters, plan a special date and get some alone time away
from the kids.
The simple change that Gary suggests is that:
number one:
We find out what ours and other’s primary love language is and
2.
Make attempts to show love to them in the way that they like to receive in (instead
of the way that is easiest for us to give)
The five love languages has a pretty cool website where you can take a survey to find out what your
love language is and you can
encourage the people around you to take it to so you can find what your child or husband or employee
love language is, that way you can show them love and appreciation in the way they
like to receive it, so check out the link in the description below,
this isn't a sponsered link, or anything like it's just a website that I've found to be helpful.
thanks for watching, and if you liked this video, please like, comment, and subscribe, take care.
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