In life, everyone encounters hardships.
Some will be big, and others will be small.
Whether it’s the loss of a loved one, getting laid off, heartbreak, divorce, or even just
putting orange juice in this morning’s cereal instead of milk, there will be tough times.
When these difficult times inevitably arrive, we can either choose to let them swallow us
up, or we can choose to keep going and make the best of the cards life has dealt us.
Yes, even when there’s orange juice in your cereal.
This is where a very important skill comes in: resilience.
Resilience is the ability to pick yourself back up and move forward after tragedy or
challenges.
It’s grit.
It’s determination.
It’s deciding not to quit, and that even if the worst happens, you’ll be okay.
But this important skill is not an innate ability.
Children are not born resilient — as you could probably tell by their fragility and
inability to form a sentence — nor do they naturally become proficient at it as they
age.
Resilience has to be built and developed over time.
Which means us adults have to figure out how to get resilient on our own.
Luckily, resilience can be developed through mindset shifts, practice, and through healthy
habits everyone has the ability to implement.
Here are just 10 ways to start building your resilience so you can weather through the
hard times life throws your way...orange juice and all.
1.
Be Proactive Resilient people are proactive.
This means they face their problems head on.
They don’t let problems fester in the corner, growing larger and larger by the day until
it becomes an uncontrollable infestation.
Instead, resilient people take immediate action.
The next time you encounter a problem in your life, even a small one, force yourself to
be proactive in fixing the problem.
Rather than spiraling into a storm of negative thoughts about the situation, focus on taking
action.
Ask yourself: what can I do right now to minimize the damage or fix the issue?
2.
Protect Your Downtime Resilient people are well-rested.
They have the energy necessary to confront their problems.
It’s very difficult to be proactive about difficult situations when you’ve been running
yourself ragged, fueled by three shots of espresso, and sporting a pair of bags under
your eyes.
So practice resilience by simply setting aside time every day for yourself.
You can use the time for self-reflection, meditation, or just for some needed TLC.
But by protecting your downtime, you’ll have the strength and mental preparedness
to focus when issues and challenges cross your path.
3.
Change Your Mindset About Adversity One of the biggest fixes you can make in order
to build resilience is to stop thinking about adversity as a problem and think about it
as a chance for growth.
Instead of asking “Why is this happening to me?”
ask yourself “What can I learn from this?”
This reframing question is powerful because it distracts you from the pain or frustration
of the situation and makes you start looking for an answer to an interesting question.
Focusing on how you can grow stronger from a situation is a much more productive use
of your brain cells than wallowing in self-pity.
4.
Build Relationships Resilient people know they can’t do everything
by themselves.
That’s where close friends and family come in.
Develop strong, healthy relationships with people you trust so you have someone to turn
to when you need a shoulder to cry on or a cheerleader to celebrate your successes.
So take time out of your day to put yourself out there and work on your relationships.
You’ll be grateful you did when you encounter challenges down the road.
5.
Focus on the Present An easy trick to develop resilience is simply
to practice focusing on the present.
Whenever you find yourself bogged down by past mistakes or worried about the future,
catch yourself and then refocus on the present.
Mistakes both past and future are not in our control, and thinking about them too much
only causes additional stress.
Plus, if you think too much about the past or future, that’s energy and time you could
be using towards your present — the thing you can control.
So build your resilience up by developing your awareness of your thoughts and feelings
and turning them towards the present moment, rather than towards things you can’t change.
6.
Know That Life Isn’t Fair Growing up, your parents or teachers might
have told you that “life isn’t fair!” when you really wanted something you couldn’t
get.
As a kid, it might have been pretty upsetting.
But as we get older, the idea that life isn’t fair can actually be comforting.
Life isn’t fair — not for anyone!
Every human being on this planet experiences hardship.
Some more than others, but there are still problems in everyone’s life.
You are not alone in pain.
Resilient people realize this about life, and they don’t dwell on wrapping their heads
around the fact that something bad has happened.
Instead, they know that bad things happen, and they accept them when they come.
They know life isn’t fair, and they don’t spend time worrying about it.
There’s nothing they can do, so it’s more important to focus on things within their
control.
7.
Stay Flexible Resilience may bring to mind images of strong,
immovable objects.
Like giant boulders.
Or a weed growing in a sidewalk crack.
You may be imagining any number of things that don’t change despite what goes on around
them.
However, this could not be further from the truth.
Resilience actually involves a lot of flexibility and creativity.
Challenges in your life may cause you to have to pivot, to change direction.
This doesn’t mean you have to give up on goals or dreams, it just means you may have
to reach your goals in a way you hadn’t anticipated before.
Stay creative with your options in life, and you’ll be able to navigate through any difficulty.
8.
Focus on What You Can Change As we’ve touched on a bit so far, one of
the best things you can do to build resilience is to focus only on what you can change.
People who constantly blame their environment for their circumstances — whether or not
they are right or wrong — definitely never see their circumstances change.
However, resilient people who decide that THEY are the force which can change their
own life, do see changes in their circumstances.
A defeated attitude doesn’t help overcome challenges.
Only those who rise to the challenge see change and growth.
So get rid of that defeatist mindset and accept that you are the one with the power.
9.
Be Grateful Negativity is the greatest killer of resilience.
Practice gratitude in your daily life as much as possible.
We all know it’s far too easy to focus on negative things in life — our brains are
hardwired to do so and keep us out of danger!
But if you know you are not in any immediate danger, try shifting your attention to the
good things about a situation.
This, just like anything, becomes easier with practice.
So try writing down three things you’re grateful for every day.
You’ll be surprised at how many things you come up with!
And you may end up more content with your life as you see your growing list of reasons
to be happy.
10.
Practice Resilience In the Wild One way to develop resilience is to seek out
challenges in your life on purpose.
For example, try starting a 30-day challenge.
Or apply to jobs until you have 50 rejection letters.
Or even try taking cold showers every day— heck, you might even end up enjoying it!
Putting yourself out there again and again will teach you to not be so afraid of failure
and will show you that no matter what, you can make it through a lot of things unharmed.
Resilience may be one of the most important skills we can learn in our lives.
To be able to overcome adversity and frustration and hurt and heartbreak is an invaluable skill
— because all these challenges will inevitably come our way eventually.
So if we can be ready for them — if we can be resilient, in whatever small way possible
— then we can spend less time affected by things we lose or lose out on, and more time
experiencing the joy of the amazing things in our life that we do have.
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